“Si te vas, si te vas, si te marchas
Mi cielo se hará gris
Si te vas, si te vas, ya no tienes
Que venir por mi
Si te vas, si te vas, y me cambias
Por esa bruja, pedazo de cuero
No vuelvas nunca más
Que no estaré aquí”
Translation?
“If you go, if you go, If you march out of here
My sky will turn to grey
If you go, If you go, You won’t have to…
Come back for my sake
If you go, If you go, and you exchange me…
For that witch, pretty peice of flesh
Don’t ever come back
I won’t be here.” -Shakira, Si Te Vas
Tell me you feel the rage in those words.. You have to hear the almost insane half laughter as she wails the lyrics. There is no greater anger, or pain for that matter, than when he leaves you for that bitch. It doesn’t even matter who she is- the most sweetest and innocent girl you’ve ever seen, a bitch who spits darts of poison or even your best friend. She could be anyone and it would burn you the hardest you’ve ever been burnt.
It happened to me years ago and I’m still finding charred scars on my body, underneath them the embers still sit and seethe. But then, for me its a recurring theme. I can’t tell you how entertaining it continues to be over and over.
The first time, it was never so shattering emotionally. I mean it hurts everytime, but the first time when you’re not expecting it.. Damn. I was in bed for months. I had only the Room 112 album to comfort me, oh it was all such a secret affair. Worst album for a heartbreak. “Funny feelings, funny feelings, that you don’t love me anymore..” and “Your letter.. It said you loved him but you didn’t know the words to say..” and “Don’t go away, don’t you go away my baby, cause I, need you to stay..” I never understood why. Wasn’t I good enough? But, you said you loved me. Did you make it all up? Why did you choose her, of all people, what does she have that I don’t?
Its almost like a chain reaction after that. It sets you up to feel inferior, and you guard yourself by liking guys who are attached, so you know it will never happen. And then you will never be hurt again. But, they start to like you and you become tangled in another weave of one man, two girls. I did that maybe twice. Both times, I didn’t let it go too far. I successfully backed off. All you girlfriends out there hating me right now, yeah I was the enemy. Try to understand why though.. And I pulled out as soon as I realized, dammit! Don’t give me those judging eyes, sometimes you can’t help who you like.
The love triangle.. If you want to be cheesy. In the picture above, Tessa likes Sousuke and goes to his house and forces him to let her stay the night. She goes for a shower, when suddenly Kaname rocks up. Kaname and Sousuke are always about a millimeter from telling each other they love one another. Sousuke is mortified, as even though Tessa is a lovely girl and they get along so well, he doesn’t want to spoil a good chance with Kaname.
Scenario number two. The emotionally attached guy. I seem to act as a magnet to men who have just broken up with their girlfriend and even though they like me, are not ready for commitment. They like me so much they want to hang out with me, even kiss me, hug me, pour out their souls to me. I begin to wonder why, if things are going so well, he doesn’t want to see me exclusively or get serious in any way. Then I find out the ex is still calling, or he saw her the other day, or she still tells him she wants him and loves him. It drives me insane.. The poor guy doesn’t understand why I react so harshly to it. I just can’t do it again! I can’t believe after all of this I find out that yet again instead of one of two, I am one of three. So I cut them off, and nurse my wounds. Usually for a bit I try to win them over, but how much can you compete with the woman he loved, and made love to? You just can’t.
“It’s not her fault that she’s so irresistible
But all the damage she’s caused is unfixable
Every twenty seconds you repeat her name
But when it comes to me you don’t care
If I’m alive or dead!”
The last one hurts so much, you never thought it would happen again. You thought you broke free of the cycle. I fell for that guy that I never thought I would find. I thought for once, this is going good, he’s into me, we spend so many hours together and we’re never bored of each other. I’m shy with feelings so as we’re friends, I’ll just show him that I feel the same and let him open up when he’s ready. I know what he’s like with these things. He cares for me so much, he shows it through every action. The smallest thing becomes the sweetest. It will be nothing but forever with this one, I know I’m his perfect girl.. He even jokes to our friends that we’re getting married.
..Then he shows you a picture on his phone. He asks you what you think. “She’s amazing.” you say. “But who is she?”
“That’s the girl I’m chasing.”
My heart sank. It didn’t even sink, it plummeted. I felt it land in my guts somewhere. And then I threw it up later. This time when I cried, it was hysterical and lasted hours. Sure my sister was sus, but i just nodded when she asked if I was sad and she let it go. After all, I’ve been known to cry during sad commercials. It comes with the role of being “unstable”. Far out. What could I do? I had to distance myself, and get angry in the end. Shakira’s angry women songs just spoke to me. Way better than 112. Don’t get me wrong, I did make a heart breakers playlist on my iTunes, i just made sure not to overdo it.
Yeah I know, top 3 songs are 112. Some habits are too hard to kick. Like cigarettes.. I do like a good smoke.
Anyway. I guess my point is, I got over him. That one was tuff though. When I got over him, thats when I realized nothing really kills you. It gets you down for a bit, but you will eventually work your way through everything. I know I can anyway, and the things I’ve been through have been rough. Yeah, you cry more easily now and things can sting you that little bit harder, but you’re back on your feet aren’t you? You’re so tuff, you don’t even realize it, you don’t even need a therapist. You don’t need one person to talk to about it.
Fuck that bitch was amazing though. I didn’t stand a chance against her caramel skin and dark loose waves, her hazel eyes and her model’s physique. You could just picture her being the intelligent type. She would have been a sweetheart too. Gave me a toothache just looking at her. Ahh well. Let it go Luli.
When he leaves you for her theres not a thing you can do. Rage out over it, behind closed doors. Scream and cry and kick and yell and curse on him. One day it won’t hurt as much. And a lot of the time, you get the opportunity to burn them just as much when they come crawling back. 80% of my ones came crawling back. Just remember your pride, they left you for something better. Make it hurt.
“Since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days, and hours..
And question my own questions on and on
So tell me now,
Tell me now
Why you’re so far away
When I’m still so close..
You don’t even know the meaning of the words ‘I’m sorry’
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you’re still alive
You don’t even know the meaning of the words ‘I’m sorry’
I’m starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive
A womans heart.”
Tags: 112, crushes, heartbreak, Shakira
