“Don’t say to me,
That you want to be,
Be good friends with me,
Thats just teasing me..
Its best you leave now,
Say goodbye to me,
Coz you should know now that I..
I can’t wait til you’re gone away,
Coz then I can move on,
And I can say I’m finally over you.”
I’m part of an unfortunate few whose friends are destined to leave them some day. Not all of them, but a good chunk. Its my fault for having mostly guy friends. I’ll go into that later.. I have a lot friends who are male and Muslim, they will one day be married, and then I’ll lose them forever. Its ok to be around them while they are single, but the nature of their commitment to religion after marriage will force them to leave me. Its kind of sad. Most of them are just mates I kick back with.. not too deep of a bond yet still significant. But the one ima mourn is my partner in crime, who is literally just ‘Boi’ to me.
I really don’t know what I will do without him. For five years he has been one of the closest friends to me. How do you forget that? I suppose we have grown out of each other. We met when we both needed someone to depend on. He’s like an older brother to me. But now we are adults, mature enough to take our own life paths. The things that we used to ignore about each other are now starting to become more agitating. I wish we could stay with each other forever. Damn. Who will I talk to when he is gone?
“I’ll always be your friend,
You’ll always be my boi,
I’ll never let it end,
For nothing in the world..
Cause no-one else can do the things you do,
You make me feel so warm and new,
So would you stay with me?”
Its a bit of a heartbreak. I can’t help but long for him when he’s gone, and feel like I need him when he’s here. I’m doing it because I know its drawing near on the time when he has to pack up on me. Clawing onto him like a drowning rat. We probably shouldn’t have let each other get so close. But what can I do now? Just cry I spose. I’ve been trying so long to find someone to fill his place, but theres no-one. Damn you Boi! Why do you have to be one of a kind?
I have almost no girl friends. Its just that I can’t stand gossip, and bitching, and backstabbing. I have a group of about eight chick friends who also don’t get along too well with girls. My best friend is Muslim, so its kind of her fault. I fell into the circle. They are some of the best people I have ever met though.. So morally driven and intelligent. Kind hearted. Accepting. And he was the best one out of the lot. I’m a sad little Luli without my Boi. Its a chapter of my life I never wanted to close, unrealistically. I completely forgot about my expiration date. I’m missin you, Boi. Where are you tonight?
He just rang me! Fate.. I freak myself out like that, sometimes I suspect that I’m psychic. I’ll be thinking of someone and suddenly I will run into them, or they will contact me. Its gonna be hard not having his friendship on tap, actually its even worse- I won’t get one minute of his time. I’ll be constantly reminded of him.. We’ve done too much together so everything is going to trigger a memory, especially football and my cat. We got kittens together dammit. Who does that?
Its really starting to get to me. I know I gotta just forget it, forget him. But deep down I’m shattered. I spoke to him almost daily for five years. Argh!! It sounds so dumb but, a best friend is so hard to find, I thought maybe if I started dating someone they would fill his place. The problem with that is the dependency. I need to be able to survive without anyone else. Sigh. What have you done to me Boi, what have you done? Don’t make me say goodbye..
“Tell me how I’m supposed to heal this open wound?
And tell me who woulda thought that
I’d ever be trying to get over you..
I’m stuck in the moment,
Of memories of me and you,
And I can get over it,
But I ain’t sure if I want to..”
