Some Non Dating Advice

“It ain’t me.. Sorry you got the wrong one

It ain’t me.. I just came out to have fun

It ain’t me.. Go and find another one

I don’t like what you’re kicking son, now leave!”

I’ve decided to stop dating. I know theres about three guys who want to see me right now, but they’re never the right guy. Why am I wasting my time with the riff raff? The problem is if they pester me enough I’ll feel guilty and catch up with them.

The first guy is hook up boi. I saw him the other day, and I think he’s starting to have feelings for me.. He kept saying ‘If you were my girlfriend then blah blah..” and I’d reply “Thats why I’m not your girlfriend!” And then he’d say dumb things about ‘love’. It was alright when I thought he just wanted to kiss me, but now he keeps asking me out to lunch and to movies, and other kinds of couple activities. I know he wants me to love him like I used to back in the day, but I just can’t. I see through his act now. He would cheat on me, and my whole family hates him, I can’t even walk beside him down the street. On the other hand, the more I see him the more sweet I am on him. I remember how mean I always am and feel sorry for him. I don’t wanna go through this shit again, he’s a liar and I can’t forget that.

Guy #2 is a sweet friend I used to see at parties. He’s one of those ones that are nice, but for some unknown reason you don’t have feelings for them. He messages me almost daily. I don’t have enough things to say to him daily, so its getting annoying.

The third guy is a good friend of one of my girls that I have awesome chemistry with. Apart from being absolutely crazy and unstable, he’s too close for comfort. If anything were to go wrong, or if one didn’t like the other any more he’d be in my face anytime I wanted to see her. He’s already in the head, do I really wanna mess with that?

Also, L called me. I don’t even know what that means. I’m trying to think logically, but it doesn’t make sense. If you ended things with us, then why are you calling me? Can’t you leave me alone? Why are you putting me through another awkward conversation? What the fuck more could you possibly have to say? I didn’t pick up. I just don’t get it.. I’m so tired of men.

I’ve had this epiphany. I always jump into the arms of people who like me. I make it too easy for them, they don’t deserve the sweetness yet. I get torn between being sensitive to feelings and being too nice. After the second barring in a row, its beginning to get blatantly obvious that being laid back and trusting is naive and stupid. Why should I put on a brave face and give chances when deep down I am jaded and suspicious? Fuck them. I’m not making it easy for anyone, I’ve had enough. No more dating.

I have uni coming up anyway, I gotta start getting into the study mode. Read more, and exercise my brain. Need to keep being creative. Better myself.. Blah, blah, blah. I have less than a month of holidays left, what I really should be doing is partying and enjoying the freedom while I can. Every time I remember another guy I wasted time on these holidays I just wanna punch myself in the head. Stupid.

“Cause no matter what I do

Its never enough for you

I break my neck but you don’t see

I blame myself, I think its me

No matter what, what I say

You never feel differently

You want me here but you don’t

Like what you see when you look at me..”

And I’m so annoyed by advice. Does everyone I know HAVE to be in a long term relationship? Fuck, I’m not asking you why I fail, I’m just telling you how I feel and what happened. Everyone has something stupidly cliche to say. Here are some I get all the time.

“The right guy will just come when you’re ready.” - Oh fuck off, what makes you any more ready than I am? I’ve had years of being single to think about what I need out of life, and how to remain happy being alone despite how much the world has drummed into everyones heads that single equals lonely, desperate and tragic. I’ve been without a man long enough to value myself, and become independent. What magical being is going to make the ‘right’ man appear on my doorstep when the world has decided I’m ‘ready’? Man, I hate that one.

“You just need to be yourself.” - All I ever am is myself. When I’m angry, thats myself. When I’m sweet or seductive or insane.. all those things are myself. Even when I’m drunk, I’m being myself. How are people gonna know I’m being myself anyway? What if my fake persona is so amazing that everyone falls in love with her? She is, you know.. Her names Lei and she has boys falling over her wherever she goes.

And some of my friends have the fakest personalities and deepest entrenched psychological abnormalities, and yet men die to get with them. Pffft, be yourself. Don’t even try to tell me that every person on this earth with a significant other has them just because they’re being ‘their selves’. I don’t delude ‘myself’. I know I’m inconsistent as fuck and I’m okay with that.

“You’re meeting people in the wrong places.” – Am I? But I’m in those places, and I’m looking for the right person, so why wouldn’t there be other people like me out there looking for their right person? And when I go out I’m not even trying to hook up with people, they come to me! They ask for my number, not the other way around.

Goddamn couples always want to make you feel bad for going out and partying.They’re just trying to make you feel inferior because they’re jealous. They can’t do anything they want anymore, so decide to get all high and mighty on your ass by acting like your life is shallow and meaningless because you don’t have someone. Fuck, I’m getting really worked up about this one, I hate when couples act like they’ve got it all!

I’m sure there are plenty of singles out there like me who look at their friends relationships and think ‘fuck that..’ I can look at two people together and immediately spot their insecurities, who pushes who around, the games, the lies. I’ve witnessed enough to know what makes a good relationship, how to be a good girlfriend and the importance of equality. I hate it when couples say ‘Oh, you wouldn’t understand.’ Argh!

“If he really likes you he will do anything for you.” - How are they going to know if they really like me before they can properly know me? And not only that, what kind of stupid idiot is going to throw themselves at a girl so early in a relationship? They expect him to call 50 times a day and want to meet up every single second they have free. I don’t know what kind of men they’re dating, but I don’t want a clingy, pushy psycho on my ass. Not everyone is insanely romantic. I know I’m not. And a lot of people don’t have millions of hours to spend seeing others. I barely make time for some of my closest friends.

These topics get the most coverage over any in the entire world. People lap this shit up. What I don’t understand is, how people can overlook the fact that opinion is ONLY OPINION. Anything said about love, relationships, dating is completely, totally and entirely based on nothing but the thoughts in someones head. There are no ‘dating professionals’ and I’m sick of all the crap advice they give out.

No man is the same, what works on one will not work on another. Nothing is proven to be 100% correct. You can find statistics and quote people all day long but it doesn’t mean anything is true. The most annoying types are the ones who never take a solid stance one way or the other. ‘Oh try this, but maybe this could work as well, I don’t know, its up to you.’ If your job is to give thousands of people advice, don’t sit on the fence. At least give them something to hold onto.

It angers me so much, dating advice. You should look at the people it comes from – whether they’re single or married it makes no difference. A single ‘adviser’ obviously can’t even hook a guy, and a married one has been out of the game so they have no idea whats going on and are completely out of touch. Not only that, look at the guy she’s married. Is he a fine specimen or a dowdy mouse who follows the self important bitch around, doing all that she demands?

HERES MY ADVICE:

I’m not going to wax lyrical about love and happiness and all that bullshit. I am no expert on anything except my own life. I know what my biggest struggles were and although I am far from perfect, I do think that I’m on the road to being ok.

Try to be happy on your own. If you’re anything like me, you can probably count on being by yourself for a long time so you may as well try to enjoy your own company. I’ve had years of trauma thinking something was wrong with me because I was single, it just made me more and more neurotic and wack. I write to clear my head of worries, I draw to create something beautiful that I can be proud of, I read to come across new ideas and force myself to think about issues. I go out and drink with friends and dance, to let go and enjoy the sillyness of it all. I flirt with single men to boost my self esteem.

Keep your morals. I have a lot of ‘ideas’ about life and how it should be lived. I find that my worst days in life are usually spent hung over, wishing I didn’t do something the night before. It really turns my head into a mess. I hate feeling like I compromised myself or cheapened my character. When I’m loyal, honest and fair I feel like a true and good person, and if I’ve upheld those standards for a particularly long stretch it takes a lot for someone to bring me down again. I’m more resistant and thick skinned, when I feel like I’m okay it makes me happy. That said, you do need to forgive yourself for your indiscretions and utilise your willpower.

Don’t change for anyone. People have their stupid opinions, no-one is perfect. Sure relationships are built on compromise.. I’ve heard that one many times before. But when I think about the men I’ve loved, well I loved everything about them. From the good to the awesome. Nothing about them seemed lacking, or wrong. I wouldn’t have upgraded the model. I had enough trust in them to believe that anything they came up with would be the right thing, and the fairest. Of course, if they wronged me then theres hell to pay but until then there were no complaints. What I really want to believe is that someone will one day look at me and feel the same thing. They will like me even though I’m this stupid, selfish idiot who spends too much time in their head. Thats worth waiting for.

“I’ll wait for you until the heavens fall

I’ll wait for you until the end of the world

I’ll wait for you until I no longer breathe

I know that its not impossible..”

My mistake has been to give too many people chances, and being too malleable. You know when you meet someone if they’re the one. If its too hard, its probably not worth it. None of this is about getting a guy. Who the hell knows how to do that? These things are games of chance, in my opinion it comes down to fate. Just don’t lose your self worth, don’t let people act like they’ve got it over you. Don’t be afraid to be indifferent to people who don’t deserve your time. If they’re being a dick to you about something and you don’t like them, act like you don’t like them. Don’t talk to them, unless your forced to. Walk away if they come near you.

The secret thing about people is that they all want to be liked. When they feel like someone doesn’t like them it drives them literally crazy. I’ve spent hours wondering why someone didn’t like me, trying to do whatever I could to win them over. Its pointless, people are fickle. People want to bring you down because it makes them feel better about themselves. Just don’t play their game, they can’t win if they have no opposition. And its incredibly empowering to take that back from them.

Thats probably all I can really say with certainty. As long as I try my best to abide by those points then I’m making good progress with myself.

“I got a real thing the love of my life

Someone who needs me and he fills me with pride

Baby, now and forever we’ll never part

Coz I knew from the start

You put a move on my heart..”

Tags: advice, dating, happiness, love, morals