“I hope to find her there
Gotta make some eye contact
She’s not the kind to stare
Move quick or lose her fast
I’ve got to show her that I want her
I recognise that she is better
If I can’t have her then I’ll go crazy
Spending all my time just chasing..”
Being single isn’t as easy as it used to be. Well, it still is easy, but people are less accommodating to you and it seems like they actually try to make it harder. I don’t know, maybe I hang around too many couples who forgot what it was like to live on the other side of the coin. Or maybe they think its something we choose because we’re too picky or we like not having the responsibility of someone’s feelings to nurture, or we just plain like picking up. Whatever it is, I’m stunned by the new dating cock-block rule my friends are applying. This one is called ‘No dating friends of friends.’
I don’t know if you know what its like to be a single girl in todays world but its actually not a bed of roses. Dating men is getting harder because we’re no longer looking for the same thing. Whereas the girl usually wants to begin a relationship, the guy may be looking for a one night stand, short fling, no strings attached sitcho or in a few lucky cases, the one. I’m not sure if my bullshit sensor is just completely wack or I’ve listened to that much crap that its all bullshit to me now, but its getting pretty hard to trust anything that a man I date says.
This is different to the old days. Dating a chick for sex was actually frowned upon back then and most people were looking for relationships. Sex on the first date was not even considered, people found it to be an abhorrent deed. I don’t even know which old days I’m talking about, but I know it was a time, maybe not the 80’s, maybe not the 70’s, maybe it was back in the 50’s but once upon a time dating was fun and nobody was out to dupe you. Fast forward to now and basically I have no idea what to say to anyone on a date anymore, because they all say the same shit back. I’ve used a lot of different techniques on dates. I’ve been bitchy, I’ve been super sweet, I’ve been snobby, I’ve been myself, I’ve been what I thought they wanted, I’ve been what I thought they didn’t want and it all seems to result in the same thing. Nothing!
“Tell me who can I trust if I cant trust in you
And I refuse to let you play me for a fool
You said that we could possibly spend eternity
See that’s what you told me that’s what you said
But if you want me
You have to be fulfilling all my dreams
If you really want me babe
If you had my love and I gave you all my trust
Would you comfort me?
And if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue
Would you lie to me and call me baby?”
Internet Drama wrote a post here on the end of introduction initiated dating and the move to internet dating which inspired me to muse on this no dating friends thing. A friend of mine, Bee, is well known in our circle for exercising this tactic in finding her new boyfriends. It always results in an outcry of ‘Who does she think she is? Why does she keep ruining our friendships with people and making them awkward? She dates them and then when its over it makes it shit for us and we can’t invite her to things which they will be at!’ so on and so forth.
This burns my soul to hear because friends of friends is one of my dating things. Although, admittedly I haven’t actually done it that much, but if I met more cool friends of friends there would be nothing stopping me. I wouldn’t give a fuck about you poor couples and your now awkward group activities. Get over it. I mean how selfish do you have to be? If he wants to date her (or me) then its completely up to them and has nothing to do with you. You don’t own the dating rights to your mates. You can’t control who is going to be with who. Dating a friend of a friend is a good idea. You have mutual friends, you already have the seal of approval from them, you can’t do anything too crazy because there are people who know you to keep you in check and for fucks sake, once it was the only way to meet people.
Goddamn you happy couples always ruining things for me and Bee. I don’t give a shit about you, I’m gonna date as many friends of friends as I can now just to piss you off. Thinking you can tell me who to date like that. Be single for a few months and then come back and tell me that if you met a cool guy through your friends that you would knock him back if he asked for your number. You wouldn’t because by then you might have an idea of how hard decent guys are to come by! Tonight I’m going to a party and I’ll be damned if I’m not looking for one of your mates to hook up with now. So fuck you! I’m out!
“Baby let me get your attention
Coz you’re lookin good not to mention
I’ve been feelin you on the low here
And you’re feelin me too it’s so clear
Ay, I got the notion
That you wanna put things in motion
So the sooner we get to talkin
Ima show you how we can work this out
You can spend the night on the wall
And if we never meet, honey it would be your fault
Or you could take a chance, just say yes
Coz I know what you like, baby I know how to rock you..”
Tags: couples, dating, friends, life, love, relationships, single, taboo
July 12, 2008 at 7:24 pm |
I agree with you. It’s got fuck all to do with them, if two consenting adults want to hook up, then good on em. If it turns to shit, then oh well, be adult and deal with it.
July 12, 2008 at 7:51 pm |
That’s it! Go get them!
July 13, 2008 at 11:56 am |
Agreed, friends of friends is a huge major dating strategy, screw what they think. In high school it is like the biggest strategy of them all, it’s all about who you know!
July 13, 2008 at 2:03 pm |
Steph – Exactly. Some people just think they have the ‘right’ to tell you who its appropriate for you to date. Fuck that!
J – Well I attempted to but all I got was this hangover, and someone is literally hammering a wall or something outside. Isn’t Sunday the hang over day? Don’t people know this? They’re just fucking with me, right? There were no cool friends of friends to flirt with.
Kaboose – Ahh high school. So true. Sometimes I wish I was back there when things were easier and pretty much no one had a moral compass of any kind.
July 14, 2008 at 10:47 am |
What better way to meet people than through friends?
If you go to a party and meet someone you like, there’s every chance that they are going to be a friend with someone you know – what a stupid rule.
If you like someone go for it – unless of course they are closely related or a member of the Young Liberals.
As for your concern about guys not wanting as relationship – that’s not always the case, just be prepared to take things one step at a time and avoid words like “soul mate”. Before you know you’ll be in a relationship even if he doesn’t necessarily realise it.
July 14, 2008 at 11:12 am |
It’s pretty normal to meet someome via a friend. They’re usually the better relatiomships too because, as you point out, you’ve already got something in common.
Good advice from Wah too – quite astounding considering he’s a recent convert to Liberal voting!
July 14, 2008 at 2:05 pm |
Wah – I know there probably are some guys who could be open to the idea to a relationship out there, it isn’t statistically impossible just insanely rare. Avoid the words soul mate you say? What about the matching commitment rings I buy after they pass the second date?
Ray – I was shocked he even mentioned the Liberals, I thought it was a sore topic for him since the “incident”? Heh.
July 14, 2008 at 6:17 pm |
As far as I’m concerned friends of friends is usually the best and most common way. It’s too difficult as it is without that! Unfortunately my friends never seem to have friends worth trying to date, I went on one with this girl not long ago but she was boring as all hell.
Pretty much every couple I know met as friends through friends. Meet a girl in a club? Yeah right. That never works out. And there’s no way I’m going to start signing up to those RSVP type internet dating sites just yet.
Hello from Thailand by the way. Just taking a break since it’s so bloody hot and I’ve been hiking and riding for 6 days straight now!
July 14, 2008 at 6:19 pm |
And there are a lot more guys looking for relationships than it may seem. They just think if they make it obvious it makes them look desperate and will scare the girls away.
July 14, 2008 at 6:29 pm |
Yeah meeting people in clubs is just asking for trouble or disappointment. I don’t know why, you would think that since we’re in clubs and we’re looking for someone nice, that there would be other like minded people. You would be wrong tho!
I wish guys would be a little more obvious rather than vague, I so don’t understand guy speak. Like I think they mean exactly what they say, no hidden messages. If I have to read between the lines its all over.
Hello from Melbourne!! How is Thailand? Have you been drunk for 6 days straight too? I’m so jealous you’re actually somewhere that the sunshine generates enough warmth to show skin!
July 16, 2008 at 12:12 am |
My girl – Princess – was a friend of a friend when i met her.
It did sort of ruin her friendship with that friend, but Princess did get a new best friend for life out of it, so she didn’t do too bad.
And her friend – the one who introduced us – was congenial enough a lass to backfill the loss of Princess from her sorority before too long, so everyone went home happy.
July 16, 2008 at 3:12 am |
At least there was a happy ending, lets pretend you didn’t say the whole first bit so I can still feel like I have a strong case behind me.
Friendships.. what are friendships anyway? All you really need is your family, right? Who’s with me? Sigh. Okay, maybe I will show a little restraint, unless I absolutely think he would be awesome to date. But only a small percentage of restraint, I’m too fond of sticking it to the man and controversy not to give it a solid go.
July 16, 2008 at 6:45 pm |
Actually I only got drunk once. The rest of the time I’ve been way to exhausted at night to do anything, either that or I’ve been in the jungle. It’s kind of an active holiday.
Tonight’s the last night so yeah, will be drunk tonight lol.
July 16, 2008 at 11:12 pm |
Only once wow.. I bet you will be making up for it tonight! Actually I had a similar holiday in Fiji, checking out their jungles and stuff. For the 3 weeks I was there I only drank 3 times, but then I don’t think Fiji is a very partying kind of place, Thailand would be better.
July 17, 2008 at 9:24 pm |
Unless you’re drinking kava in Fiji…
Horrid stuff, that.
July 18, 2008 at 1:16 am |
Yeah tasted like dirt water and made my mouth numb..