Archive for July, 2007

Bula Fiji!

July 19, 2007

“I hear you be the block

But I’m the light that keep the streets on

Notice you the type that like to keep them on a leash though

I’m known to walk alone

But I’m alone for a reason

Sendin’ me a drink ain’t appeasin’

Believe me

Come harder this won’t be easy

Don’t doubt yourself trust me you need me

This ain’t no shoulder with a chip or an ego

But what you think they all mad at me for?”

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Ever been somewhere you left your heart at? I have never been to a simpler country than Fiji. The locals don’t exactly encapsulate me, the scenery is beautiful but I’ve never been one for views. Its relatively cheap but there ain’t much to buy. The night life is average. There aren’t any hot boi’s around. I don’t get it.. I’m still obsessed with the place. I was only there for two weeks. Theres just something about it.

Maybe it was the lifestyle. Wake up whenever, walk down to the beach, lay on the warm sand. Take a stroll in the markets and in the shops, where they treat you like a celebrity. Tourists are so easy to make money off. It was quite picturesque. I went to Fiji not long after Beyonce released her album B’day and I took it along with me. The whole vibe of that album was like 1930’s Mississippi marshland tropics kinda thing. It made for the best listening on the trip.

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Just look at that. Tell me you can’t see some voodoo bitch walkin around with her black magics and some of those flapper chicks in shiny gold shimmery outfits with feathers on their heads. Everyone has a southern accent and theres a rumor that some kid drowned in that lake.. his soul has haunted the mansion ever since. Every bathtub has claw feet. Kate Hudson shot that scary movie here.. the one where everyone swaps bodies.

It also has that tropical side to it. You could just swim in some aqua blue water and catch the best tan. All the locals love to talk to you. Its like a national gimmick that everywhere you go people say “Bula!” I got a bit suss after the first few days. Do they said it to each other too or just the tourists? For those of you who want to see the resort side of the place..

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Thats where the rich people stayed in Fiji. I’ll give you the run down of the places we stayed at, and their locations. We stayed in the most inexpensive hotels around, but each of them were relatively nice.

The picture above was taken at a place on the Coral Coast which was just down the beach from where we stayed, Tubakula Beach Bungalows. I think this resort was like a flagstaff or holiday inn or something swanky. But Tubakula is just as nice. If my memory is correct Tubakula was just before the town of Sigatoka.

The picture above that was taken at the cultural village/ Tsulu Beach Bunkhouse which was in Pacific Harbour. Cheap place, not so nice rooms, great communal village area and plenty to do. Pool hall, shops, shows, so much crap was in that place. I’ll look for another nice pic of there.

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A bar in the pool. Does it get any better than that? Fiji just knows.

The last place we stayed was Cathay Hotel in Lautoka. Think 1970’s furniture, ashtrays in every room, a cheesy bar. Man I loved the Cathay Hotel. Lautoka is one hot town. Temperature wise, anyway.

We also went to Nadi, and Suva. Both great for shopping, although a little dusty. And theres an awesome mosque in Nadi! I’ve got a picture, it was so beautiful.

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These are Luli original pics from my own camera. These photos still make me dreamy over those fun times. I spose it was good as well, making up what we would do each day. Moving out of our comfort zones and just kicking it and doing whatever we came across.

We picked up an old lady on the side of the road one day, took her to the hospital to see her grandkid who was sick. So she invited us to her village the next Saturday. The whole village came out to meet us, we drank that horrible Kava stuff thats a narcotic drink or whatever. They walked us around their land, we danced to their music. I know it sounds like some made up native villager help the poor and they help you story. I swear its true though. I can show you pics man! I got the proof! Would you believe they made us flower necklaces? Yeop. Every holiday needs at least one corny story.

I swear I love those islands. I sound like a travel agent hard but that place has a part of me honestly. Got such affection for my Bula Fiji. Just do it!

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“Baby all I want is to let it go

Ain’t no worries, oh

We can dance all night

Get me bodied

That means come closer to me

While we grind to the beat

And your body’s touching my body..”

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Can’t Sleep

July 18, 2007

I got this yearning and aching

Won’t let me sleep tonight

Rolling and turning around my bed

Close my eyes and visualize instead

All I want to do is sleep

But my dreams no longer satisfy

I know what I’m longing for

To feel what’s been denied

Ambition and hope in my lifetime

Achieve status and honor for pride

It slips away and dissipates

Because all I can think of is why

My mind is so troubled at night

How long will I distract myself

Til I collapse into a slumber

The hours grow long and longer

Nothing deepens but a hunger

Only thing that works is vodka

Numbs an over thinking mind

Step over the mines that lay inside

Forget the weakness that I hide

I’m just an empty heart.

 

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I really can’t sleep. This is like the problem that never goes away. I think people who can’t sleep eventually go crazy. Luckily for me sometimes I can tire myself into just conking out, but alcohol works best. You just know after a couple you will be right.

But what is it that stops me from just relaxing my head so it can rest? Its everything and nothing. Micromanagement of my life. Scrutinizing all the little details that you just know other people have forgotten. Like that time you fell over.. Well, you’re clumsy. People who know you will know that. And the others- who cares what they think? 90% of the time you’re ok. Stop beating yourself up over it.

Another thing, you’re not perfect. You never will be so give up already. You’re always going to fuck up and so will all the people you hold so dearly to you. Because no-one can be good forever, and everyone will disappoint you, even your best mate. So just love them for what they are, and get over the unrealistic expectations of people.

These days nobody wants to be a pioneer. Thats what I don’t understand. Whats so bad about being slightly abnormal? I’ve been it all my life, without meaning to. I can’t help but to think differently.. My ideas make sense in my head, so they can’t be wrong. It was years before i stepped back and realized how different i was though.. Here I was all along, trying to fit in and I so wasn’t there. Not even slightly.

If you asked me to describe myself I would probably say thoughtful, relaxed, calm, logical.. I’ve got this picture in my head of me as some docile angel, she does no wrong, she sees the picture in all its entirety and she can judge it perfectly. I look a little something like this:

 

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See how lovely and brilliantly I shine?

But, when you talk to my sister the picture becomes a little different. She grew up with me, and she has seen me from all angles. Of all people, she alone can see exactly what I am. Of course, she has her bias. Nevertheless, to her the main word to describe me is unstable. And emotional, stubborn, self-conscious, moody and jaded. Her picture of me is more similar to this:

 

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Who shot down the pretty angel? But seriously, my sister is a social worker.. She sees me as a mess she can fix one day.

Family know you best, right? I guess it depends on the angle you view me on.. Personally, yeah there is that side to me, I can admit it. But its not so sombre and depressed as all of that. I’m more of a fighter, and a pusher of boundaries. I’m the one who’s up for a drink on a Monday! I stay up having fun all night, I’m single forever and always on the look out for an attractive distraction. Its not my fault my friends are all couples who have been together for a million years and look at me as the child who won’t grow up and settle down. I’m still young..

 

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I’m just a gypsy really.