I’m Very Susceptible To Paranoia

I need some objective opinions on the goings on of this afternoon. My friend called me when I’d finished uni and asked if I wanted to come around for a bit. I’d been barring him for weeks, I even missed his birthday. I’m just kind of unreliable when it comes to catching up with old school friends. If they leave it up to me then every few months I’ll come over for a cup of tea and a chat for an hour but if they decide its up to them to coerce me into spending time with them then I’ll pull every excuse I can think of till I finally decide it would be too rude to deny them one more time.

“Ok I’ll come past, see you soon.” I say.

“Cool, you can even get smashed.” He replied.

At this stage I didn’t get it. Did he think I was going to bring a few beers over or something? Was he offering me a drink when I got to his place? I let it go and set off.

When I got there he goes, “So, Luli, do you want to get smashed?”

“What do you mean?” I ask. “Have you been drinking?”

Anyway it turns out he’d been smoking weed and asked me if I wanted a joint. It seemed like a good idea at the time. After the first puff though, it became clear this wasn’t the usual stuff. I didn’t say anything, I thought maybe since it had been a little while since my last one that it felt harsh. He told me he’d smoked a bit before I’d come over and he only had one or two drags. This didn’t trouble me too much at the time, but later it started playing on my mind.

This guy has a girlfriend, but we hang out every now and then at his place. He usually calls me when she’s off at work. I didn’t really think of it till now, but thats quite inappropriate isn’t it? We’ve never even been properly introduced.

I sat on his couch, and he had like a mattress set up against the couch that he was leaning on. The longer I sat there, the more the weed kicked in and I started getting really paranoid. It takes a lot for me to get to the paranoia stage. That shit must have been strong. And thinking about that worried me.

He got up and took his jumper off. About five minutes later, he turned on the heater. I asked him why he didn’t just put the jumper on, and he started talking about how heater warmth was different and that jumper warmth was too restricting. Then he moved from the mattress on the floor to sitting beside me on the couch. I was glad I had my bag in between us. He kept looking at it and pushing it.

He asked me if I was enjoying myself and I said yes, then he started kinda like nudging me with his arms. I just laughed at him and asked him what he was doing. He replied, “I don’t know why I did that, it was weird.” No shit.

This guy is known for saying crude and inappropriate things, I honestly don’t know if he means it to be funny or sexual. He started telling me that he hated girls that didn’t shave or get brazillians and (in his words) if it ever came to that between us, he would expect it. I gave him this look that said ‘what the fuck are you talking about?’ and he turned back to the tv. I thought the conversation was over, but then he looked back at me and goes, “You do shave, don’t you?” I refused to answer. He also started insinuating something about me liking women, or something with lesbian connotations but without saying the words and asked me if I was into it. I replied, “Into what exactly? Its you who’s going on about it, men just like the idea.” He denied it, but it was him that brought it up so that just proves my point, right?

Now I was really freaked out, the situation in my head was heightened by my buzz and I remembered he hadn’t had much of the joint. I started to think about the effects of weed, does it make you itch? I kept rubbing my lips and scratching my arms. My dress seemed to be getting shorter and shorter, no matter how much I tugged and pulled at it.

I think he noticed I was agitated, so he moved back to the mattress. I had my legs crossed but he kept touching my foot, telling me not to move it. He said it was driving him crazy. He didn’t stay on the floor for long though, he got back up and sat beside me picking up my bag and placing it on the floor. I asked him what was wrong and he said he felt like he was going to crush something in it. It made sense, but I was way too suss by this point. He started saying he was hot again.

This is what made me get up and leave. He did that yawn thing guys do in the movies, except instead of putting his arm around me he just put it beside mine so they were touching. Then he grabbed my hand and started looking at the rings on my fingers.

In my head I’m thinking, ‘This is a trap. I’m gonna get raped. I’m in this house, all alone with this guy. Nobody is expecting me home anytime soon, theres a mattress on the floor, he’s laced the marijuana, I’m gonna pass out any minute now.’ He wanted me to stay longer, and have dinner with him but I told him I had to go home and have a nap and got the hell out of there. When I did actually get home I zonked out straight away and slept for hours. To be honest, I had been tired already and weed does make you want to sleep.

What I’m asking is was I having a bad trip? Or did all of that just seem really inappropriate to you too?

Fucking sketchy.


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