Losing Guys

“I cannot escape

No matter what I do, can’t get away from you

Call me everyday

And that shit ain’t never cool

Gettin on my nerves, I think its time you knew..

Only gave you my number coz drinks made you cuter plus

You were lookin sad and lonely..

But thats all it was, just put you in the game and

Here you go complainin, whats up with you?”

Losing guys is a very delicate skill which most do not possess. I’m pretty sure I’m one of those wenches who for the life of me cannot accomplish this amicably. But it gets to a point where you don’t give a fuck about that, you just want them out of your face.

I’m a panicker. I’m already quite reluctant to be held back by being committed to a guy I’m not sure about, but when one who I know I don’t and won’t ever want comes pushing himself into my life, I get antsy. I wanna put that shit out, and fast. Thats just too bad for him and I don’t care. Its fair game as far as I’m concerned, if you put yourself in it then rejection is an option you better be ready for.

However much this situation occurs, I’ve never known the right way to go about it and its one of those things I’ll actually ask advice for. My business is my business and I like people to stay out of it, but once the pressure is on for me I get desperate for the loopholes and easy way out clauses. That said, I know there are many girls as frustrated as me when it comes to this and so I’ll validate their feelings with some pearls of wisdom. Bad advice is better than no advice.

The Guy Who’s Rolling In On The Friend Vibe (That Sneaky Bastard)

Has it gotten to the stage where any platonic friendship you had with a guy is automatically forfeited once you haven’t seen him in a while? Any intensive background work you had done in the past turns to shit, they forget completely how you stabilised them as a friend. This one is tricky because there is no feasible way that you can avoid giving them your number if they ask. And once you’ve given them your number, you’re practically forced to reply to their messages in the name of said friendship. Coz you know you write back to your mates. And they know that too. So its a catch 22.. He gets his reply, even though you don’t want to, but you have to because you’re trying to keep on the light and easy friendship side.

A variation of this, which is also quite common, is the guy who’s already your friend but decides his slice of the cake isn’t big enough and now he wants the whole thing. The greedy pig. I mean, this guy could be someone you thought was a close mate and suddenly he switches shit up on you. Maybe he just broke up with the girlfriend that was holding him back, or a drunken night out gave him the wrong idea. Whatever, its happened, we’re here, lets deal with it. You have to decide whether the friendship is worth keeping, because honestly theres not much left of it now that he’s butchered it with his new found emotions.

This guy has the upper hand as I’ve already mentioned, because he knows you’re gonna reply. Well my dears, if thats how he wants to play, then fine. We’re gonna turn the tables with some retaliatory sneaky shit like he’s served us. When you reply, be blunt, half hearted and rude. No smileys, no lol’s, no xxx. If the conversation has gone to a whats on for the weekend type thread, mention seeing some ‘guy you like’. Always name this guy, so he can be in no doubt that its not himself. And if he replies too much, you can prematurely decide the convo is over and stop replying. Friends know that friends don’t care when this happens, because someone is always more busy or less bored than the other.

“So many times you guys will come step to me

I guess you call yourself booking me

But do I look easy? It ain’t easy..

Well it never hurts to try

I just might let you call me

I hope you don’t plan on buggin me

That would be ugly..”

The Rejected Date

You’ve gone on a date with this guy who you thought was okay, and who you’ve realised is a douche for whatever reason you pin it on. Basically this guy thinks he’s onto a long term thing, when you know its lost the magic. Unless you want to keep going on boring, awkward dates to make him happy then you have to say something slightly more potent than ‘I’m busy’. You can just ignore his messages, but c’mon girls, that’s just plain rude and you hate it when guys do that to you. Man up where they can’t (the pussies) and give this guy an end line. Make it cliched, who cares, but say something. Some favourites:

“I don’t think I’m ready for something like this, sorry.”

“I have to concentrate on my career/study right now.”

“This just isn’t working for me.”

Be nice about it, thank him for good times or whatever. He’s probably going to hate you even though you do this, but he can’t hate you with valid reason and thats the clincher. When you walk past and he tells his mates you’re a bitch, he won’t be able to give them a reason thats not pathetic. “She barred me,” is just code for “I’m a reject,” and most guys don’t want to say this.

Bar/Club/Supermarket Guy

This one is kind of awesome because he’s just met you and doesn’t know a thing about you. You can get creative and tell him you’re leaving the country to pursue a career in journalism over in Palestine, that you have strict parents who plan to arrange a suitable marriage for you, or that you just plain old have a boyfriend. The more outrageous the better, because even if its unbelievable he knows he’s just been barred. Also, you get the ego boost without any of the traumas.

It’s easy to leave someone hanging, but you leave yourself open to continued contact later and its generally not nice to be so cold. A sense of decency is what separates the dogs from the mutts, and if I’m going to be a bitch I’d prefer to be a purebred with pride intact and not a mongrel from the streets. Think about how you would be like to be treated before you take action.

“Well I don’t think you realise

That you don’t even have a chance

When I spit my g at you I bet you won’t know how to act

Its that bad..

I lick my lips and then I think about how sweet my touch is baby

So to feel me must be hot

Well if you didn’t know, you know now

Exactly how its going down..”

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2 Responses to “Losing Guys”

  1. Steph Says:

    I’m actually quite good at losing guys………well they mostly run screaming from the room when I bring Big BOB out to play. Wusses!!

  2. LuLi Says:

    lol.. well I’m awesome at losing the ones I want to stick around, its the annoying ones I have trouble with.

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