You’re A Mess Woman

I’m probably the most awkward person I know. I always manage to find some way to look like a goose and embarrass myself in front of strangers. Apart from the obvious clumsiness which my friends find constant amusement in, as good as my intentions may be I’m awesome at saying the completely wrong thing.

Today’s example was in my exam, I was running late and burst into the room. Seeing that all desks were full, I ran outside to the other entrance of the same room but realised there was a partition and nothing was set up in there. So I ran back to the other door where my lecturer, who was reading out instructions, asked me to stop running around and stay put and that he would fix me a desk soon. My cheeks burned as a hundred heads turned to look at who this impatient run arounderer was. Then everyone got to watch me do the walk of lateness shame when the teacher insisted I sit right up the front, beside his very own desk. From this angle he could see my every pen marking, and I’m sure would have been frowning with disapproval at my mistakes. Dammit.

Another cringer was when I was about 8 or something, I was at a christening and I asked my childless aunt when she was going to pop one out. She began to cry. I later found out that she can’t have children. God, I hate remembering that.

The other day I was at the supermarket and the guy asked me what I wanted and I said “Good thanks mate, how are you?”. We both noticed it, and tried to ignore it, but because I knew he noticed it I kept stuttering like a fool. I even shook my head at myself. Why can’t I just be normal?

I’m the one you can count on to fall over during a night out. I don’t need to be drunk. It always ends in tears, ruined stockings and much laughter (from others). My knees constantly have scabs from this. One time it was right in front of my ex, who I’d done so well to make jealous by hugging a guy friend in front of him and being dressed up to the best of my ability. It all went to shit!

One of my favourites is when I was still working in the city and catching the train. I’d been trying to get up the nerve to talk to Train Boi, a god on earth, who I would casually look at, who would also casually look at me just a second or two longer than was normal. He was sitting facing me but there was a row in front of him, but I was almostly directly in his line of sight. Anyway I caught him looking at me so I was like awesome, I’m going to smile at him. Instead I looked at him, turned to the window, and smiled at the window. Wack! I always wonder what he thought when he watched me do that. I’m sure it would have looked psycho neurotic weirdo. Or maybe to him it looked smug, like ‘ha, you’re looking at me.’ Who smiles out a window?

“I thought I took one step

I took two back

I’m not even close this time and thats a fact

All I know is that we’d be a perfect match

So where you at love?

I just gotta find you, yeah..

I wanna know, I wanna know your name

Your name, your name..

Why you gotta be anonymous?”

Oh another time, we were actually almost sitting next to each other when this blonde, tall, amazing chick sits between us. I’m cursing hard. It gets better. My stop is before his so I get up to leave, but its just before the train breaks and when it does I’m caught off guard. I fall onto the seats in front of us, much like a goon.

People like me should be neutered at birth so we can’t contaminate the rest of the population.

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9 Responses to “You’re A Mess Woman”

  1. rayedish Says:

    ‘People like me should be neutered at birth so we can’t contaminate the rest of the population.’
    That’s a bit harsh. Who would the rest of the population laugh at?

    BTW I love the look of your blog, the pics you use give it a great aesthetic.

  2. Bron Says:

    I laughed at the “Good thanks mate, how are you?” because that’s the sort of thing I do ALL THE DAMN TIME! It’s terrible.

    Or they might ask me, “How are you?” and instead of answering, I just launch into “Can I get half a kilo of chicken breasts please. Oh, um, and good thanks.”

    It’s awful.

  3. LuLi Says:

    Rayedish – I suppose we are good for entertainment. I’m glad you like the pics, its always fun looking for ones to go with the posts, thanks for noticing!

    Bron – How good are the looks you share with the people after though! My sister is the same as us, a lady gave her change at the milk bar and instead of thanks she goes “hello”, despite that part of the convo being done already.

  4. Bron Says:

    Heh, that’s funny about your sister. My problem is I say “thank you” to everything when in transaction. I give them my money, and instead of them saying thankyou for my custom, I say thankyou, even though logically it should be them thanking me. God. I can’t help it.

    Thanks!

  5. The Editor Says:

    Oh yeah. I freakin’ hate it when your pre-prepared answer blows up in your face.

  6. clubwah Says:

    Shit I did the “good thanks” thing just today.

    I think there’s something endearing about a woman with clutzy tendencies – keep it up.

  7. LuLi Says:

    Bron – You could always pin it on thanking them for their service.

    The Editor – I’m just gonna blame his customer skills.. he should have asked me how I was!

    clubwah – I’m filled with hope now that some men find this quality endearing, my fruitless quest for grace can now be abandoned.

  8. Marlie Says:

    “I think there’s something endearing about a woman with clutzy tendencies – keep it up.”

    Ahh yes, I’m a believer in this too haha. I had my ex boyfriend say “g’night missy 🙂 … missy muppet that is ^_^ 😀 ” the other night on MSN after I told him about how I managed to get a bruise on my head the previous Friday [it’s okay, it’s not toooo prominant]. Oh, and about how I have new glasses to replace the ones that my sister accidently stepped on when I was straightening my hair… They were so bent up I couldn’t wear them.. Then when my dad tried to fix them the left arm couldn’t take it and snapped off -.-

    The next day I was in school for my final exam, and I caught him hanging about and looking at me like he wanted to talk to me.. I kinda pretended I didn’t know he was looking [I was leaning against the wall, with my eyes to the skylight and with one hand on my face like “come now Charlotte, it’s just one last day of Physics… awhhh I want my bed!” and had no intention of showing my embarrassment that he had caught me doing this, haha].
    Later on when I was revising I actually caught him full on staring at me a couple of times. Was kinda unnerving.. I couldn’t bring myself to hold the gaze, not even the second time. Then when he [reluctantly it seemed] went to leave he made a bit of a show of it by stretching in front of me. And making that weird “buhluhluhluh” noise where you shake your head.. Yunno, like you do to try and wake yourself up.

    But yeah… In all my clutzy geekiness, I seem to be ruling his attention more than that blonde girl who is younger than us both. Booyah much? lol

    … Sorry for my long comment XD

  9. LuLi Says:

    Marlie, I live for long comments.
    If you can make the clutz thing work, I might have a chance.. Sounds like that guy was pretty affected by your presence.
    Somehow though, in my case I don’t have much faith that it does come off as endearing.. To me it feels more like I’m wack and have no sense of balance, I mean, I’m that girl walking in front of you on the footpath that trips a little bit and tries to pretend it never happened, and gets embarrassed and tries to get lost in the crowd up ahead coz she knows you all saw it.
    Even I laugh at that girl.

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