I Can’t Get Jiggy With This Shit!

“Did you sleep on the wrong side? I’m catchin a bad vibe

And its contagious, whats the latest?

Speak your heart, don’t bite your tongue..

Don’t get it twisted, don’t misuse it

Whats your problem? Lets resolve it

We can solve it, whats the causes?

Its official, you got issues, I got issues

But I know I miss you..”

I’m trying to forget this weekend. It fucked up any sense of peace I had before. Friday was okay, I went to the footy, had a few quiet beers with the crew afterwards at the pub, went to bed earlyish. But Saturday killed me. You know when you have one of those nights when you’re such a dickhead that you wish you were never born? Is it just me?

It started off when I ran into hook up boi at the petrol station. I recognised his car immediately and thought ‘FUCK!’, but I was too far in to just leave, it woulda been too wack, so I drove to the furthest pump from his and ignored him. We’ve spoken a few times through text but haven’t seen each other since I last spoke of him, and I’ve been ignoring his mes’s for a few weeks now.

So anyways we both have to be driving the same way, don’t we? He’s in front of me and slows down to try and force me to overtake. So I speed up and plan on zooming past, but he starts to speed up too. I just pushed the pedal down even further and got as far away as I could, breaking all the speed limits, I didn’t care I just wanted to get away. He decides to chase me. By now I’m cursing him every name under the sun and after an awkward stop light he eventually changes direction. Who the fuck does he think he is? Was he trying to intimidate me? Has he lost his fucking mind? I really must have pissed him off hard. I’ve never seen him so out of control like that, usually you can barely get a reaction from him.

“No justifications for your actions

Shoulda been somewhere relaxing

Dont compare me to your last one

I don’t care if she was a fast one, a sassy one

I’m a classy one..

I can’t keep it from getting at you, hun

Seems like that should make you happy, hun..”

We went to a birthday at a pub that night, open bar. There were hardly any people we knew so I compensated by getting blind. I didn’t try to pick up or anything but I was being flirty and I cringe when I remember the conversations I had, what a fucking idiot. The shame. How can people put up with me? I just say whatever I think of, theres nothing to stop the flow of stupidity, it kills me. I was violently ill of the mouth by the time I got home, literally as I opened the car door. Thank god I didn’t try and push everyone to go clubbing, who knows what I would have done! Man I’ve had the guilts so bad since then. I can’t seem to shake em.

To make it worse, my dad decided that now was the time to openly discuss his new relationships with women. Like fuck, I know he has to move on and that at some point I have to accept them, but he’s basically telling us he’s doing booty calls at any hour of the day and oh my god, I cannot deal with that information. They only separated about a year ago. I don’t want to know these things.

And it shits me as well, he complains they want more from him, more like a relationship and he’s saying he doesn’t want anything serious.. He’s doing things I hate men doing! How can he treat women like this? I am so stunned by his new conversations that I don’t even know what to say so I just look at the floor and try to pretend I didn’t just hear what I thought I heard. I can handle him dating, kind of. I can get used to it. But what I can’t handle is endless random women coming over at stupid hours and following him to his room.

Are we so fucking expendable? Is that what life has come to? Is that what we are worth now, a good time now get the fuck out? I feel partially responsible, he asked me for advice and I told him he should just date around and see who was interesting, he didn’t need anything too full on. But I meant in the go for coffee and get to know them way.. Obviously thats not how he took it! I’m so angry right now, but I don’t want to hurt him by showing him my anger because I know it would gut him. He honestly doesn’t think what he’s doing is bad and he would be shattered that he’s upset me.

My sister spoke to him about it today and its kind of sorted, a little bit. She told him we don’t want to see making out on the couch (she walked in on that) and intimacy while she is under the same roof really freaks her out. So I think he’s going to stop. I know he means well, he thinks he’s being good to them I suppose (?) but I’m so shaken up. The thing is, I know my dad, I expected this behaviour, I just can’t handle it now that its in my face. Fuck, I seriously need to chill out, I’m gonna bust a vein or something!

“Am I supposed to change?

Are you supposed to change?

Who should be heard?

Who should be blamed?

Who should be hurt?

Who should be shamed?

Who should be hurt and will we remain?

We need a resolution, we have so much confusion..”

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6 Responses to “I Can’t Get Jiggy With This Shit!”

  1. raydixon Says:

    It’s only been 12 months huh? Hard to take, but time heals all. In the meantime you probably need to explain to him – calmly – how it makes you feel. Don’t lecture and don’t condemn but just how the bedroom antics affect YOU.

    Otherwise you WILL burst, at some stage. It’ll work out though, LuLi.

  2. LuLi Says:

    Yeah, I thought I was cool with all of it but I’ve had an unexpected meltdown. I’ll find a way to tell him what I think nicely, the last thing I want is to scream at him or make him feel guilty. He’s a grown man, he can make his own dating decisions and I’m not one to judge. Thanks for the advice, Ray.

  3. raydixon Says:

    It’s not a matter of YOU judging LuLi, it’s a matter of your Dad making his own judgements about his own behaviour. But for him to do that he needs to know how it affects you – because you are important to him. Sometimes blokes don’t understand the impacts their own actions have on those close to them.

  4. gullybogan Says:

    In my humble opinion, your dad should know better than to be making out on the couch with random women where his children (regardless of age) can walk in on him. That’s just plain rude. It’s two steps away from those hip young couples who have sex while their toddler plays Lego in the bed alongside them, and i’m pretty sure *that’s* against the actual law!

    And that cringe stuff? I’ve got stuff i said and did last century that i still cringe about, so i know what you mean.

  5. This Devil's Workday Says:

    First of all I reckon your mate was probably just trying to grab your attention. But if he knew for sure that you knew it was him… then I don’t know, but I’ve done a similar thing once (to a friend, not some girl I hardly know) and then when I finally caught up at a red light she was surprised it was me. She thought I was just some random guy trying to check her out. Funny thing was she was purposely speeding to see if the guy had the balls. What a weirdo!

    As for your Saturday night guilt, I guess the only compensation is the fact that we all have those nights every now and then. I hate that feeling when you remember all the dumb things you said.

    As for your Dad.. yeah, probably best to be honest. Not harsh since even if you just mention it briefly he’ll probably understand. Saying that, he most likely gets the hint now that your sister has said it.

  6. LuLi Says:

    Ray – Yeah, I know sometimes men can blur to grey what sometimes to others seems black and white, I just have to explain how weirded out I am.

    Gully – I know its pretty inappropriate, right? I think he feels that because my sisters bf sometimes stays over that its the same thing, but my sister would never do that in his house.

    TDW – Thats true, he coulda just been trying to say hello. It seemed a bit more confronting at the time but I guess he has a playful nature, so it might have just been him being silly.

    Thanks everyone for your words of advice, I will take it all into consideration when I tell my dad how I feel, and try to do it as gently as I can. 🙂

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