Archive for September, 2008

Whatever Is Whatever..

September 28, 2008

Boy, I been watching you like a hawk in the sky

That flies, cause you were my prey

Boy, I promise you if we keep bumpin heads

I know that one of these days

We gon hook it up, probably talk on the phone

But see, I dont know if thats good

I been holding back this secret from you

I probably shouldnt tell it but..”

You know its going to be a great night when you walk into a party and see that you’re pretty much the only girl in the house. Its times like these that having mostly guy mates has its upsides. No chicks to compete with, and you’ve got just about all eyes on you. Man, I love it! Of course, variety is the spice of life, and with so many to choose from a girl might get carried away and end up with none. But who would be that unlucky? Who indeed.

If I think about yesterday and ignore a certain game won by ‘ahem’, then it actually wasn’t so bad. I got my flirt on, and I got the interesting conversation I wanted and I didn’t kiss anyone and so don’t need to worry about any uncomfortable situations at future events for this friend circle. I got drunk enough to forget a certain team and I didn’t have to deal with the bitchy bitches of bitchville (also known as my mates girlfriends). So what’s my prob yo?

I’ll tell you what it is. It happened again. No, I don’t mean the stockings (it was too hot so I was in a summer dress), although I did fall over. Its cool, I’m filing it under a ‘damsel in distress’ move and not a ‘hi, I’m embarrassingly drunk’ thing. What happened again was my beloved friends decided who I was allowed to date. Or actually, who I was not allowed to go near without them getting pissy about it.

The annoying thing is that they were actually trying to set me up with the guy at the start, and I was like ‘finally some support and solidarity!’ But conveniently right after the guy asked for my number, they told me to stay away from him, that he was bad news, they’ve just realised. So, I listened to them. They made the choice for me and I went along with it. Goddamnit, he was cute and fun. Why do all the bad ones come to me?

“You used to love them

Leave them, kiss them

Break their hearts

But now I got you in my arms

You used to get them

Trick them, diss them

Do them wrong

But now your player days are gone..”

I feel really awful because I’m just lashing this guy based on his reputation. I would hate it if someone did that to me, in fact I would be crushed. But I suppose if you are a mega slut who mistreats women you reap what you sow? Its got to be a bad sign when your closest mates are coming up to me on the low and saying, hey you’re a nice girl, so don’t get involved with him, he’s a fuckhead.

I also had some run ins with a couple of guys I used to date. One who I really liked, who turned into a massive asshole was there, sucking up to me, calling me ‘Li Li’ (wtf, that is so gay). And another I haven’t mentioned who was too shy to get the ball rolling, who I found out had sex with a girl (who used to be a friend of mine) in a spa (that he was sitting in with 3 of his mates who got to watch) last weekend. So much for shy! Man, I can really pick em. Seriously, you should all come to me for dating advice, I’m great.

But, I’m actually pretty glad with the way things turned out. To tell the truth, I’m sick of kissing random boys and then running off into the night. I miss the kisses with feeling behind them, from someone who really likes you. I want that heart thumping, I’m so nervous feeling, that you can only get from someone special. So I think I’m just gonna hold out for that for a while, unless of course, I run out of blogging topics. Or I get really drunk and change my mind. Either way, it will be a shitty excuse. Heh. Ok, I’m out!

“If I’m a drink, you’re my lemon squeeze

Oh you got flava boy, you go good with me

So boy don’t play or tease me

Oh, keep me together, you got what I need

Now its getting late, its after three

So quit your stallin, my body’s callin..

Now its me and you, you and me

And its whatever, whatever you want it to be

I’m telling you, if its up to me

Whatever is whatever

Its whatever with you and me..”


Loyalty And Life

September 26, 2008

She said, that she would give me greatness, status, placement

Above the others, my face would grace covers of the magazines

Of the hustlers, paper, the likes of which

That I had never seen, her eyes glow green

With the logo of our dreams, the purpose of our scene

A obscene obsession for the bling

She would be my queen, I could be her king, together

She would make me cool, and we would both rule, forever

And I would never feel pain

And never be without pleasure, ever, again..

Lately I’ve felt myself become self-reliant. And not because I wanted to be, but because the people around me, who are my closest friends, don’t seem to have my best interests at heart anymore. I wonder, did they ever? Or did I just trick myself into believing that loyalty is natural amongst friends? So, instead of thinking that they knew what was right for me, I had to start deciding for myself. I had to take what they said on board, but do my own thing. The more I do this, the more I realise their actions are more selfish than I initially thought.

Sometimes I think that they’re so hyper critical of me because I refused to follow their way of doing things. I’ve never been the type of girl who follows the golden path, because in all honesty, I couldn’t be. I deviated from that road long ago, because it has different values to my own. My goal in life was never to have the job, money, popularity, ‘be the ultimate.’ I’ve never bought into that materialistic shit. I want something more.

The thing with the golden path is, you have to be golden to follow it. I’m not perfect, as much as I want to be, I have to realise that’s not for me. My hair alone prevents me. The perfect girl does not have an unruly mass of dark curls. She has straight hair, sleek and polished, possibly blonde. My goddamn hair will never ever look perfect, no matter what I do to it. It can look hot, it usually looks good, but it’s not perfect girl hair. It’s freakin gypsy hair. That’s okay though, I don’t mind.

See what I do is, I go my own way. And in this way, I fuck around, I make mistakes, I break all the precious rules about what we must do in life, I have fun, I write about it later. And somehow, I make it all work for me. That’s what pisses people off so much. I’m not serious, I never spent my high school education studying, I’ve waitressed longer than I’ve had a ‘proper’ job, I have the best luck (or I’m just awesomely opportunistic) and things seem to fall in my lap. I take my smarts for granted and when I can, I coast.

He is the cleanest amongst the younger

Outstanding achieving up-and-comers

The ones that had dead-beat daddies, and well-to-do mamas

But not well enough to keep ’em from us

The ones that were, fighting in class, who might not pass

Rap record pressured to laugh, at a life not fast

Can you feel it? That’s what I got asked

Do I love her? Said I don’t know

Streets got my heart, game got my soul

One time missing sunshine will never hurt your soul..”

So I have a lot of my close buddies hating on me. Because they already have their fulltime jobs, and they have their careers, they want to build houses for their families and have all the responsibility of the world on their shoulders. But I’ll be damned if I’m living that life with them. What I don’t understand is, if they see me happy, why can’t they be happy for me, like I am for them? Why do they try to keep a tighter reign on me, to control me? Why do they want to tell me who I can date and when I can go out and how drunk I can get?

I just feel like saying, fuck you, stop hating. I don’t ask for a thing from you, except for honesty and loyalty. But I can take or leave honesty. Why can’t you have my back? I’m not going to do things your way, I’m not going to live that life where you get to judge me by what I do for a living. I don’t want to be a fucking office girl with a 56k salary. I want to be a writer, I want to be a great thinker, I want to somehow help humanity and possibly save Palestine. And fuck you if you don’t believe in me.

See what pisses me off so much is that they want me to think I’m wrong. They want to beat it into me, that I can’t just live my own way, that I’m a fuck up. They want to take my confidence away and make me apologetic for being different, for not climbing their little ladder to “the top”. They want to take me down a notch or two because I think I’m going to make it, and that threatens everything they’ve ever thought about life. That if they work hard like little ants for their masters that they will be rewarded with a mortgage, a few more mouths to feed and a minivan with aircon.

But I have to believe in myself, because if I don’t I’ll surely fade away to nothing. If I can’t do this, then everything I once thought was true would have lost all meaning. If I can’t find a way to believe that there’s more to all of this than the spray tans, the blow dries and the Louis Vuitton then I may as well just die.

Because I’ll be damned if I’m straightening my hair.

Come, these are the tales of The Cool

Guaranteed to go and make you fail from your school

And seek unholy grails like a fool

And hang with the players of the pool, fast talking on the hustle

No Heaven up above you, no Hell underneath you

And nowhere will receive thee, so

Shed no tear, when we’re not here

And keep your faith, as we chase

…The Cool”

Mon Petite` Meow & The Prince Of Orange

September 24, 2008

Pooky don’t know if want.

Since its such a beautiful day outside, I’ve spent a while out in the front yard, watching my cats frolic in the garden and I thought it would be a good time for a cat tribute. I’ve already asked Domino to do the same, and if anyone else feels like showing us some of their pets over at their blogs then go right ahead. It can be an impromptu meme, if you like! They bring us too much joy, it would be wrong not to give them a shout out every now and then.

My story begins on a dark and stormy night, it was about 3am, and me and my best friend at the time were driving around in my car eating junk food. We often went for late night cruises out of boredom. Suddenly, I spot a log on the road, so I swerve it and it moves! We scream as we feel the car bump over something and realise it was a cat. In a panic, we turn around and stop the car to look for it, but alas, it was nowhere to be found. I hated cats back then, so I was like ‘Oh well, what can you do?’ and we left.

Crown Prince Of Orange

A few months later we were at my same friends work and one of her co-workers had a kitten he was giving away. She couldn’t take it as her parents were strict so I said I’d take it off her hands while we found him a home. The poor thing had been left on a box on the guys porch in Deer Park (which to my knowledge has some kind of fox infestation) and during the night the foxes had eaten the mum and the rest of the babies and left this poor kitten to cry into the lonely darkness, knee deep in their blood.

Curiously, as I raised this defiant and haughty little beast, I began to find myself feeling protective of him, and defending him against my family when they screamed for him to be out of our house. He wasn’t properly toilet trained and would leave presents for us to find and it drove my mother crazy, who already hated cats with a passion. I remember when I started uni again and couldn’t avoid leaving him home without me he got cut and left a few presents on my bed. He was a snobby kitten, but he could be so loving when the mood struck him, and he followed me around meowing after me. Suddenly.. I was in love. We named him Cattie, after his cat-like qualities.

I are DuneCattie, I controls the spice.

But I had to give him up, so one day I bundled him up and took him to the Boi’s house, who told me he would take care of him. Cattie and I cried the whole way, me from devestation, Cattie from fear of this moving room he as trapped in. But it had to be done. Three days later the Boi calls me and says, “Luli, I can’t handle this fucking cat! You have to take it home!” I was ecstatic with joy, and I hid him behind my handbag as I walked up the path to the front door. But my mum, the spy of all spies, had already seen him and yelled “Luliiiiiiii!” as I walked through the door and grabbed him out of my hands. I start to protest to defend him, but then she started kissing his head and patting his fur. She had missed him! After that he was a permanent visa holder in our house.

My beloved Russian Blue kitten was actually my mums idea to get. He was born on the 18th of December, like Brad Pitt, and we got him when he was 8 weeks old. It was during my uni holidays again, so I took the position of primary caretaker. From the moment the tiny thing saw Cattie, they were rivals. The kitten skitzed up and went psycho at Cattie when he tried to sniff him out, and we were stunned by his courage and feistyness. As he grew he became almost completely dependent on me, following me everywhere, eating when I told him to, sleeping on my tummy. And he was so loving, I couldn’t believe it, all he wanted to do was climb onto my chest and give me kisses. He even tried to stroke my face with his paws.

Mon Petite` Meow

He had a split personality. On one side there was Pooky (aka The Pook, aka Chim Chim, aka Pook-e-mon) who was affectionate and cute, and on the other side there was Charizard, this psycho scratch machine who climbed the curtains, or the wall unit, or anything tall, and chased Cattie (aka the Prince of Orange), who is at least 4 times his size, around the room. He also loved to lurk in the shadows and wait till someone walked past and jump them. Mum wanted him out of the house, he left us even more presents than Cattie had. I couldn’t believe it. She let me fall in love and then wanted to drop him off at a centre that would most certainly kill him after a few weeks. I wasn’t having it, and we had the most savage fights we’d had since I was a teenager about it.

Eventually the Tsar calmed down a bit, and got even more lovable so we never had to get rid of him. Till now he is obedient to no-one but me, he comes whenever I call him, no matter how far away he is, he follows me from room to room even if he sits on the other side, just to be around me. He scratches everyone but me, and I’m the only one who can change him back to the Pook when he’s in Charizard mode.

Charizard, bat-dragon Tsar of evil.

But I always get scared about Karma, and wonder when it will strike me. I took away someone’s Cattie or Pooky on that night. It would be the perfect revenge to make me, a cat hater, fall in love with a cat or two and then have them be run over. Everytime I enter my street I slow down to 5km just to make sure.. But I know one day I’m going to have to pay the price.

Also, I talk to them in lolspeak.. Does anyone else do that?

Rejection Guilt

September 22, 2008

“Oh been trying to let it go

Trying to keep my eyes closed

Trying to keep it just like before

Times when I never even thought to speak

Don’t wanna tell you what it is

Oh the way I felt so serious

Got me thinking just too much

I wanna shut it off but..”

I once dated my older brothers friend. Now, I’m not exactly sure where that sits on the right or wrong scale according to national consensus, but at the time (last year) it was slightly off to the wrong end of the continuum. We met at a party in a pub, which is what my brothers crowd does for every birthday, and the first time he approached me I found him to be boring, up himself and superficial. I should have gone with my gut and left it at that.

For something thats apparently ‘so wrong’ everybody that night was all encouraging and pushing for us to talk. After I snobbed him they were coming up to me asking me why and telling me to give him another chance. So I did, and he did better the second time around, got my number, kissed me in front of my brother (damn you alcohol!) and took me on another four dates before I called it off.

The problem was he was too suave, and all about being hip and intellectual, and it was like he was just trying too hard to be cool and at the same time was being condescending towards me for being only 21 (he was 28). I usually like older guys because they’re more mature and they can teach me things and they’re smart, but this guy sneered at me because my favourite movies were Shaun of the Dead and Waynes World. He was all rapt to date a 21 year old, but wanted me to act 28, and I just wanted to be me. But in the beginning he was more himself and we chatted easily about books and shared interests, and it was like he’d fallen from that back into some facade of what he wanted me to think of him.

“Its this one thing that got me trippin

Its this one thing that got me trippin, you did..

This one thing, my soul maybe feelin

Its this one thing you did, uh oh, uh oh..

Its this one thing that caught me slippin

Its this one thing don’t want to admit it, you did..

This one thing and I was so with it

Its this one thing you did, uh oh, uh oh..”

And its a pity too, because in the start I found him to be really sweet and earnest, and I was impressed by the lengths he went to for our dates. Ferris wheels, candle lit dinners in Italian restaurants, blah blah blah. It’s wasted on me, but I still appreciate the effort. This guy was actually pretty perfect. He was hot, built, tall, reliable, had his own apartment in some trendy area, he was very (overly, intimidatingly) fashion conscious, had a good job, liked reading and discussions, wanted to settle down, really liked me.. I couldn’t have asked for someone better. But I threw him away.

My brother got very weird about the whole thing though, he’d barely speak to me, he was very standoffish and it was really ripping me apart. He’s never been anything but completely loving and doting towards me so it was very upsetting that he began acting that way. I couldn’t continue seeing him if it was going to cause a rift between me and my bro, I didn’t even care about his friendship with him because its pretty obvious when you’re dating younger sisters that your friendship is on the back burner. Maybe that should have been a hint? Oh well.

So anyways, he was at the party (in a pub) that I was at last night, and it was the first time I’d seen him in ages. Usually when I bar someone, I can feel their hate burning as they stare at the back of my head, but this time something worse happened. He avoided me, of course, I did the same, but when he looked at me he did it with sadness. Man, I wasn’t prepared for that. I felt like such a dog. I know what it feels like to think that you might be having something special with someone only to see it turn to shit without having any idea why. Its horrible.

“Hey, we don’t know each other well

So why do I keep picking up my cell

Memories just keep ringing bells

Hear voices I don’t wanna understand

My car keys are jingling in my hand

My high heels are clicking towards your door..”

And even though I know its my fault he feels that way because I gave him some lame ass line about not being ready for a relationship, I really want to some how ease his pain but at the same time I know I couldn’t help in any way, unless I somehow fixed his damaged pride by asking him out or telling him I thought I’d made a mistake. But I don’t think I’ve made a mistake and thats whats the worst part, I’ve rejected someone completely from having known them only partially, and I don’t even like him enough to give him another chance. Thats what makes it so awful, because he knows it. I took a look at him and said, ‘sorry, no thanks’ and theres nothing he can do about it, and he has no idea why.

And so I spent the whole night keeping out of his way and trying to melt into the crowd. Eventually we ran into each other head on, and we kissed cheeks and exchanged pleasantries. It couldn’t have gone better, for an awkward old date run in. It troubles me though. Someone opened up to me and tried their hardest to swoon me, and I did what I hate boys doing, and left him without any idea of what was wrong. He wouldn’t have thought that it was something little, he would assume it was about his character, because you always assume the worst. I know I do.

I just had to be a cold bitch. Arghhh.

“And maybe I just can’t believe it

Its this one thing you did, uh oh,

I can’t deny, tired of trying

Nothing left to do but to give up seeing you

I’m hoping you can keep a secret, for me

Its what you did..”

Ranting in 3, 2, 1..

September 17, 2008

Question Time in the House of Reps was actually pretty entertaining today for the first half. Multi-millionaire Turnbull kept up his push for the poor senior citizens, Julia Gillard and Rudd mocked him for his weak facade of caring for the little guy, while with his other hand attempting to push through Workchoices-type changes for the Workplace Relations bill. Faggot, we kicked you guys out of office for that shit! Is this the way you gain popularity? His hackery annoys me to no end, but then I think, keep it up.. I can’t see that ever giving you enough of a leg to stand on to be a true contender for PM.

Ahmadinejad: Hardly a warmonger!

Iran’s development of nuclear technologies was also on the agenda, imposing travel and import penalties as prescribed by UN sanctions. Further action would be considered once these were in place, if the pressure was not effective. What I don’t understand is why one country such as the US or Israel is allowed to have nuclear armory, but a country like Iran or Iraq is prohibited from it. The US has invaded a lot more countries than Iran, or North Korea. It is suspected that Israel has up to 200 nuclear weapons and the missiles to carry them across borders.

I don’t think this will escalate. But then, Iranian government is a lot more volatile than Iraq’s, they have support in Russia, they have a huge army (545,000 in its military, but 11 million paramilitaries that can be called up within 48 hours) and a very US-critical leader in the Ayatollah. Then again, there will be no public support for the war, if not for purely the mistakes of the last one in Iraq, which will carry over the sentiment that what came to pass was inherently wrong. Iran is definitely more of a threat than Iraq was, but it does not warrant an invasion.

I miss the days (that existed before I was even alive) of diplomatic and neutral political policies. How can an invasion of Iran come to pass, when an invasion of Zimbabwe is not considered? The threat of possible destruction of human life pitted against the actual destruction of it, the genocide occurring in many places across the world still taking a back seat. What we have been fighting has not been a war for democracy, for those who oppose freedom. We have been fighting for the mighty idea of an American globe, a mono-cultured Western monopoly on trade, beliefs and power.

I’m welcoming China, Russia and the EU as up and coming political influences in the world, because at least it will promote some kind of balance of power, instead of one states modern colonisation of third world countries and developing nations. The US is a bully nation, and its about time its weakness was exposed. China and Russia are in no way examples of great countries who promote freedom or treat their citizens with the full respect they deserve, but they do at least force the US to be more diplomatic in regard to foreign affairs.

So endeth my anti-US rant.

P.S. I hate Bush.

I Spiked My Own Punch

September 14, 2008

I am suffering from possibly part 1 of a two day hang over. I just can’t see this baby packing up anytime soon, and it’s all my fault. I don’t really have the guilts, thank fuck, because I spent most of the night drinking punch in a chair, wishing we weren’t talking about the chords that make up the song ‘Glycerine’. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up with my impromptu fruit punch party.

See the plan was, go shopping with my sis, buy her some nice outfits and at least one for myself, then go home and make some really alcoholic fruit punch, coz I’d gotten a random punch craving throughout the week. Then I’d subtly play some r&b in the background, subconsciously reminding her that she likes to dance. By around midnight, she would be up for clubbing and we could go party in our new outfits, and possibly flirt with attractive club boys.

This is what I learnt at my punch party:

My sisters boyfriend will almost certainly crash, and with his addition to the circle the punch gets 200% more alcoholic, where the recipe goes from half a bottle of vodka and a bit of champagne with pineapple juice, orange juice, red powerade and strawberry slices to a full bottle of vodka, and two full bottles of champagne into the aforementioned mix.

If a boyfriend crashes, all the boys are automatically invited, the footy goes on tv (not like I don’t like footy, but it stifles interaction) and the guitar comes out, and any plans I might have had for a coercion of clubbing is thrown to the winds.

Even though I never went anywhere, didn’t fall over, was extra careful with my new François inspired dress, I will still at some point do something (What? What was it?) to make a hole in my stockings. This is the universal Luli rule of stockings, if you wear them, you will hole them. It’s like I kicked myself in the upper thigh with the heel of my stiletto! I guess those pilates are working.

When the insanely deceptively alcoholic punch runs out because the boys are in love with it, as it reminds them of their boys only trip to Bali, switching to wine (which you never drink, that ALWAYS gets you wasted, and has so far never failed to make you violently ill of the mouth) is not the best idea. Especially when you’re compensating for your boredom by drinking faster.

You may not be in a club or bar, but that won’t stop someone from bringing a random drunk guy who will follow you around all night, hit on you, and tell you he’s changed since the last time you saw him (with grazes all over his face from passing out on a chair and falling out of it onto the concrete). He’s not a “mess” anymore. When you tell him you don’t care and that you are a mess yourself so it’s not that bad, he will regale you of the time he *almost* but sorta technically didn’t have sex in the middle of a dance floor. Charming. DISENGAGE!

My friend who cheated on his girl didn’t do it the night I suspected, it was actually a long time ago, and somehow that still doesn’t make it any better.

When you start to get harsh and painful stomach cramps from the fruit punch and have to lay on the bathroom floor for a little bit to catch your breath, its probably time to stop, not to strategically vomit, brush yourself off and get back on the horse with a fresh glass of fruity death (and THEN go onto wine later).

– If you manage to stumble up to the second floor, but it curiously feels like its tilting from one side to the other, you may as well forget bedtime for now and head straight to the bathroom. Trust me, I’m saving you some time.

See what I mean? I have no-one to blame but myself.

Sept 11

September 11, 2008

Its the seventh anniversary of 9/11 today, marking the day when nearly 3000 lives were lost in New York City. Its obviously quite a horrific and overwhelming tragedy, but sadly instead of spurning a movement towards saving lives or fixing things, the Bush Regime instead invaded Afghanistan and Iraq, with a possible inclusion of Iran.

I’m not going to recount all the various conspiracy theories (which are always interesting, and amusing at the least), I’m not going to outline why the War On Terror is wrong (Allah knows we’ve heard it all a million times) I’m just going to leave you with another figure to think about:

87,312 – 95,259 (Confirmed dead – Suspected dead)

The civillian death toll for the Iraq War as it currently stands on Iraq Body Count. If that doesn’t leave you with a feeling of ‘That shit is fucked up!’ I don’t know what will. I’m not sure why some can overlook an Iraqi death as being worth less than a Westerners, but there are a lot that will look at that statistic and see nothing, and feel nothing. Or worse, they will feel hostility and validation. Its scary to think there are way more ignorant than informed people out there.

Anyway, I’m still angry about the war. I hope you are too.


What Really Goes On At A Bucks?

September 9, 2008

“I know you wanna get laid tonight

But I’m trying to get paid tonight

We ain’t even gotta fuss and fight

Just hit me right, its on all night

I know you wanna get in bed with me

But you’ve gotta come correctly

Nothing in life is free, especially not me..”

The alleged rape of the best man by the stripper at a bucks party is currently headlining on The Age website. As far as I can tell, it’s his word against hers and it’s pretty doubtful that we’re ever going to get the full story. She alleges he pushed back into her while she was playing around with a sex toy, and that it was an accident. She also says the men were using speed and cocaine and were offering it to her.

The best man apparently punched her in the back of the head but he denies it and all the guys at the party back up his story. Which is to be expected. They say the rape went on for about one second. I’m not sure why this is important, one second of rape is obviously going to be just as traumatic as sixty.

I’m not really going to comment on it, it seems fucked up all around, which is fitting for a bucks party. I thought strippers didn’t touch guys? But then, that makes me think of the other secret I’ve been told, about the secret men’s rule of bucks parties.

Apparently ladies, all men cheat on their buck’s night, and there is a secret code of honour amongst men not to tell anyone about it, so that on their own bucks night nobody tells on them either. The men who told me about this were adamant that it was true, that even my dear brother would have done the dirty before he married my sister in law last year. And of course any guy I have spoken to after has denied it as false, which just seems to fit perfectly with their code.

Everybody knows that a bucks night is a way for all the friends of the buck to have their final chance at stopping the wedding, and preventing their friend being lost to them through marriage. Back in the day, the end result of a bucks was to leave the buck tied up somewhere, miles away from where the wedding would take place, possibly covered in fish oil and shaving cream.

These days it seems to have taken more of a sexual deviant road, a stripper is mandatory, as with crazy drunkenness. And at my older brothers own bucks night, my little brother had some kind of crazy experience with the stripper, that no one will comment on that’s driving me mad! I really want to know what went on, especially considering he was only sixteen.. But this goddamn code of men’s buck night silence shit is seemingly impenetrable (nice choice of words eh?) and quite frankly I’m also kinda scared to know. I do want to be able to look him in the face without blushing.

“I’m in love with a stripper

She poppin, she rollin, she rollin

She climbin that pole and

I’m in love with a stripper

She trippin, she playin, she playin

I’m not goin nowhere girl I’m stayin..”

Do strippers, in your experience, ever cross the line with the no touching rule? Or the no sexual favours rule? Or whatever rules they have, have you witnessed anything you thought to be a little bit crazy at a private viewing in a home, or at a party? I was under the impression that there was no touching apart from a little bit of caressing and so forth, although I do remember as a young girl when a stripper came to a party next door, and the kids were locked up inside, that one man came out with some lipstick on the crotch of his jeans.

So, I want to know.. What secret stuff goes on at a bucks night? Does the buck always or *ever* have sex with another woman, as I was told? I don’t want reassurance here, I want brutal honesty! Comment under an alias or be anonymous if you wish, this is your one chance to break the code without fear of reprisal.

I <3 Memes!

September 4, 2008

I’m a meme fiend. This one came from Andy, like most do, I think because Blogspot blogs are more meme friendly than WordPress ones. Why are so many Aussie bloggers with Blogspot? WordPress is so easy and blogosphere friendly, I hate that I’m not fully compatible with my Blogspot friends. Anyway, I know we just did a meme the other day, but how fun are they? Come, meme with me, and we will all live happily ever after, knowing each others answers and getting insights on our respective worlds! Just do itttttt!

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?

There’s a pink-ribbon breast cancer Melways, which I stole from my mother (She steals from her mother! What a whore!) and something that jingles every time I go fast around corners. It sounds like my kitten’s bell, but that’s supposed to be around his neck.

2. When was the last time you threw up?

The day after my sisters going away party. I found my vodka bottle empty the next day and I think vomited from fright, but hopefully I didn’t actually polish off the whole thing and someone helped me out, because otherwise my drinking has reached a scary level.

3. What’s your favourite curse word?

Anyone who reads me knows I love ‘fuck’. But I only really swear in front of old friends, new people always get my angel act, unless I’m drunk (which is most of the time when I meet new people anyway).

4. Name three people who made you smile today.

My little brother, he told me I was more like Elliot from Scrubs than Carla. I wanted to be Carla, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that he’s probably right. My sister Min would be Carla.

My mum who congratulated me on my new job and being back in the money (Thats right, I’m rich BEYOTCH!).

Andy, who did this meme before I did and as usual, had a lot of hilarious answers.

5. What were you doing at
8am this morning?

I had just woken up and was contemplating my nightmare. Get this – furry, red, yellow and black, cantaloupe sized spiders were running around my neighbourhood, one chased me and my sis (India) which we narrowly escaped from. And one of them jumped on a truck driver, causing the truck to crash into my house. I’m guessing this is because a big spider went on me the other day and I screamed my head off, which I never do (EVER.. unless theres spiders). I swear this house has a nest somewhere.. Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?!

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Reading Cleo and chatting to my mother. I usually hate their articles, but I read this one back to front and it seemed to be a lot more interesting than the first time I read it. Interesting at all is a massive feat for them!

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?

I might go to the library or a primary school nearby for this assignment I have coming up. Damn, that sounded so boring.. Maybe I’ll drink there too. Better?

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?

No, never. I can see why people would do it for a laugh, but when I actually think about it (drinking + dancing naked women) it doesn’t seem like something I’d be into. I think it would make me blush and be uncomfortable. And, to be serious for a second, strip clubs are a disgusting exploitation of women and have been the cause of many a fight between couples in my group, so I’ve argued against them a lot and I’d feel a bit hypocritical if I went to one.

9. What’s the last thing you said aloud?

“You best be trolling, nigga.” Um, that’s kind of embarrassing and I don’t even know where I picked that one up, but I sometimes say shit randomly at my screen when I’m reading something that I disagree with, and in this case it was an article I came across that said the State government was cutting support for breastfeeding assistance in hospitals (which I just wrote a post about so it sparked my interest). I’m sorry for dropping the n-bomb, but I’ve been reading Overheard In New York lately and its really increased the ghetto fabulousness of my inner monologue (which, lets be honest, had a pretty high ghetto rating anyway).

10. What is the best ice cream flavour?

I’m not actually an ice cream girl but the one milk-based flavour I do like is Cookies & Cream. Theres something about the taste of soggy biscuits that just gets me.

11. What is the last thing you had to drink?

Coffee. I’m going through a very high content coffee phase and I’m pretty wound up, jumping at shadows and feeling spiders all over me.

12. What are you wearing right now?

Look, its 11am and I’m wearing my trakkies, ok? If you caught me at 7pm I’d be on my way to my Thursday drink and I’d be wearing something elegant and chic and possibly shiny, so cease with all the judgement!

13. What was the last thing you ate?

A banana. I’m trying to eat breakfast again but I’m taking baby steps. Next week, yoghurt.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

Yes, stockings. I always ruin mine with all my falling over and clumsiness so I buy stockings just about every time I go to the supermarket. I wish someone would invent some *truly* holeproof, Luli proof stockings.

15. When was the last time you ran?

I ran the other day and I’m planning on running today too. My exercise regime is pretty boring actually, all I do is pilates then go for a jog a few times a week, but I can’t be bothered going and finding anything better. I don’t even know if I’m working the right muscles or whatever. Sometimes, if I’m stressed I’ll throw in a bit of relaxation yoga, but that’s only if I’m feeling really troubled.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?

Cats vs West Coast last Saturday. God, we better win against Saints this week. My yuppy side of the family are Saints supporters and they always rub it in when we lose to them, not to mention one of my close guy mates who will literally pay me out for about an hour. Please Allah, make them die!

17. Who is the last person you e-mailed?

My Indian sister. I’m trying to email her as much as I can, so that she doesn’t get too homesick. Poor little nunnery face.

18. Ever go camping?

My friends and I all go once a year for a few days of non-stop drunkenness. We have a few tricks to override the hangovers and it’s a pretty taxing weekend. But it’s worth it for the good times.

19. Do you have a tan?

Yeah, but it’s not as potent as it could be. Winter is a sad, sad time.

20. Do you drink your soda from a straw?

I don’t really like soft drink, I prefer a coffee or just plain milk or a vodka cranberry. I’m usually not too particular but my vodkas always have to have a straw in them. And I like novelty straws, they’re a good prop.

21. Are you someone’s best friend?

I’m my sister’s best friend (Min, not India, although I’m close to India too). Being so close in age, we’ve grown up doing everything together, though sometimes it feels like we swapped ages and now I’m the younger one. I look up to her, she has this knowledge and conviction of right and wrong that is just natural to her, she always keeps her morals, she’s hilarious, she’s already reached her career goals at 21 and she’s beautiful with an amazing boyfriend of seven years that she will probably marry. He’s becoming my other best friend and the three of us are quite a tight unit.

22. What are you doing tomorrow?

I have no idea. I want to go out for a drink but I’m not sure who to invite or if I should just have a quiet one, or to just see how things turn out on the night. There’s this bottle of vodka on my desk that’s been haunting me all week, daring me to drink it and I’ve become weakened to its charms.

23. Where is your mum right now?

Think she’s doing some laundry. I asked her what she wanted to do today and she said ‘Vacuum’, but I was thinking more along the lines of going out for a coffee together.

24. Look to your left. What do you see?

My front garden out the bedroom window. It looks kinda nice outside, but I know its probably all a lie.

25. What colour is your watch?

Its gold, but I hardly ever wear it, unless I’m decking myself out in gold accessories. My phone is my clock, but I don’t care too much for concepts like ‘being on time’.

26. What comes to mind when you think of

Beers and bbq’s in summer with my boys. Oh, happy days.

27. Would you consider plastic surgery?

Not unless I had a terrible accident leaving me horribly scarred. Or I became a rich housewife.

28. What is your birthstone?

I actually know this, because since I stopped believing in Christ my Nanna can’t buy me crosses to wear so has switched to birthstone guardian angel brooches. It’s the garnet.

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?

Drive thru, why spend anymore time in those places then you have to? But, I sometimes used to go there on breaks with uni friends and stay for ages mucking around. The uni life often leaves you many stray hours that you try to fill up any way you can (but usually just with smoking weed and eating at KFC).

30. How many kids do you want?

Maybe three, two younger boys and a girl? Or, two girls close in age, and an older boy.

31. Do you have a dog?

I have an old beagle named Jesse, with a gorgeous face. I feel sad for her because she lives in a backyard, when she should be running free at my holiday house in the bush. We didn’t give her the best life she could have had and I always feel bad for that.

32. Last person you talked to on the phone?

It was my mum, last night when I told her to buy me some KFC. I’m kind of bipolar with my eating habits, one week I’ll be extra healthy and the next I’ll have eaten take away three times. It’s because I’m always in a rush to get somewhere and I forget to eat, but I know I should fit something in because I can’t drink on an empty stomach (unless I want to get trashed). I’m sure this says something about my drinking habit, but I’m not sure what (it’s too unhealthy? Frequent? Unplanned?).

33. Have you met anyone famous?

Nope, Big Bro contestants don’t count. I’ve met a lot of infamous people though, they’re big in the underground *wink*.

34. Any plans today?

Do some homework, please, just do something productive for once!

35. Ever go to college?

Still there. I’m ready to tell uni to wrap it up but I’ve still got like a year left. Sigh.

36. Where are you right now?

In my bed, laptop on knee, cup of tea resting against my side.

37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

I don’t go out as often as I’d like to, because my friends are all coupled up and settled. Idiots. Whats love ever done for anyone?!

38. Last song listened to?

Makes Me Whole – Amel Larrieux, a soul singer with an angel-sweet voice. This is one of my favourite love songs.

39. Are you allergic to anything?

Waking up early and assignments.

40. Favourite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

I have these gold stilettos that are sooo comfortable and go great with anything that I can pair with a gold handbag. I don’t know what I’ll do once they’re worn out, comfortable and hot are hard to find in heels.

41. Are you jealous of anyone?

You know, I’m not, even though my life is far from perfect. A fortune cookie once told me the secret to happiness is to admire without desire.

42. Who is your favourite actor/actress?

James Marsden is really hot and dreamy, and I love Andie MacDowell too. She knows how to make me cry. I’ll also watch anything Nick Frost or Simon Pegg are in, they are hilarious mofos.

43. What time is it?

It was 11ish before, but its midday now, this thing has taken me a while.

44. Do any of your friends have children?

Not any close friends, but old friends from high school do and it really weirds me out.

45. Do you eat healthy?

I usually do, but I’m also a slave to my desires.

46. What do you usually do during the day?

Sleep. Night is when I do things.

47. How old will you be on your next birthday?

23.. Oh, my. 22 sounds youngish, but 23 is where old people live! ;_;

48. Have you ever been to

I went to London, Paris and Rome when I was 17 and I’m dying to go back to see Paris again. There were so many hot guys there!

49. Name one thing you’d still like to do.

Write something that makes a difference.

50. Favorite colour?

Green, of the tropical persuasion.

Man that took a while, but don’t let that discourage you. Do the meme! Do it now! Do it good!

Is Public Breastfeeding Inappropriate?

September 2, 2008

The other day at uni some of the class got into a bit of a debate about breastfeeding in public. There’s this Italian chick in that subject who seriously reminds me of the bitch from Mean Girls. I’m not sure if she’s trying to act like her, or she just unconsciously channels her personality but I swear you’d see it too if I pointed her out. So naturally she’s a bigoted ignorant mofo, and she was arguing against it, saying it was inappropriate.

Me and this Portuguese girl were on the other side, saying that women should be allowed to do it and everyone else was shouting their opinions over the top of us. But the more I thought about it, the less I could reason why I thought I was right. Breastfeeding is important for a baby because they get the nutrients that can only come from their mothers milk and it helps them to become strong and healthy babies. To deny or discriminate against mothers would make them stop the act much faster than is healthy for the baby, when it should be encouraged. It is against the law under the sex discrimination act to discriminate against women breastfeeding, even in the workplace.

But I think what I thought about it was that it was not intended as a sexual act. So I said that to Italia adding, “Its for the purpose of nourishing the baby. In that case I would not find the nudity inappropriate, like I would if say, some guy revealed himself to me on a train or whatever. Which to me would be offensive, and I’d find it harassing.” Then, this guy jumps in and says, “Oh yeah sure, if it was David Beckham I bet you wouldn’t care.” Is that the most stupidest point in the world or what? Portugal and I gave him this look that said he was a retard and I told him that actually yes, I would care.

Anyway the teacher stopped us and changed the subject, but later I was thinking about it and I realised that comment is way more fucked up than I initially thought. Is he trying to insinuate that as long as harassment comes from a good looker, women would be okay with it? What the fuck? Sure, Mr. Beckham, you may as well rape me while you’re out there, I mean I’m lucky to come across a piece as fine as yours! Or was he just trying to imply that only I was a slut, in an indirect way? That I couldn’t resist one if it was put in front of me? Yesterday I was kind of okay with the whole argument but today I want to go back and punch him in the face. Fucking slow brain, never understanding things properly until the next day! Arghhhh.

His whole ‘point’ just ruined the convo anyway, because the teacher obviously clicked better than I did and intervened before we got any more offensive. But what is it that makes some nudity less offensive than others? In Australia we have plenty of commercials with bare bottomed babies running around jumping into piles of nappies and such, but in America its considered crude, and they never show babies nude on television. Some child nudity in art is okay, but as we all saw not long ago, some people find child nudes in art to be bordering on pedophilia.

If I was offended by breastfeeding, I would simply turn my head. I mean, why are you watching anyway? Facebook also got into the debate last year, after removing pictures of women breastfeeding which resulted in a massive outcry from so-called ‘lactivists’ around the world. What do you think about it? Is it a mothers right or is it an inappropriate display of nudity? I know I’d probably feel embarrassed to do it in public, but I would like to have the option should I need to do it one day. And I expect that by the time I was a mother I would be a lot more mature and less shy anyway. Man, I really wanna slap that guy now.