Crazier Solo


I know I seem like a crazy drunken girl, look its not a wrong perception, but I think if you could see the craziness of my mates then you’d probably understand where I get it from. I’m more of an awkward, foot in the mouth, falling over and lets be honest, flirty drunk. I always say the wrong thing, make up stories to randoms and give away the secrets. Its like I just don’t know where to draw the line. Last month I was at my local there was a punch on outside and the bouncer asked me what it was about, so I told him I had 3 grand of drug money stolen from my purse and that my boys were just getting it back for me. Now every time I go in there all the security guards watch my every move and whisper to each other as I walk past.

My friend Bee is 26 and is dating a 20 year old, and she’s always trying to set me up with his friends. The other day she’s like “What about him? He’s cute and nice.” And I groaned and yelled “Bee, I can’t date a 20 year old, they’re way too immature! I need someone on my level!” And then she looked at me all sad and I clicked and quickly go “Coz you know the last time I got with someone younger it was a mess..” But the damage had pretty much been done. And then the one time in my life I made a mum joke, this guys mother turned out to be dead, so I spent like half an hour apologising to him. That’s happened to everyone though, right? I mean chances are you’ll strike out at least once with the mother insults. Its all just probability.


Anyway in comparison to my friends, I’m not so bad. Sure I’m loud and say weird stuff, but they’re much wacker. The other night in Hawthorn, my sisters bf Hu was wasted and decided he was batman or some shit, and started climbing right up the side of some building. He got to the second floor and looked in a window, and got a fright from someone looking back out at him and fell backwards onto the footpath. People were stepping around him and a bus full of night club kids stopped to stare at him, so he got up, found the Corona bottle he’d left on the ground, smashed it onto the bus and ran away into the night. None of us were around him so its not like he was trying to entertain us, he’s just retarded.


Also that night, my sis Min, who is just hilarious in general, sat down with a yuppie couple in this rich, high end cigar bar we’d gate crashed with our huge crew. So she starts asking them how their night was, what they’d been up to, so forth. The woman was trying to snob her so that she could be romantic with her man but Min just kept talking in her wasted state. Finally the lady got fed up and said “Listen, I don’t want to talk to you, please leave us alone.” Then Min gets offended and political like “Oh, well I’m sorry but you’re in a public bar, which means you have to interact with the riff raff, I don’t care how rich you are, you can’t just sit somewhere and expect not to talk to me! I’ll talk to whoever I want, I’m not too good for people! Its you rich Liberal voters who ruin society! If you don’t want to talk to poor people then take your Versace wearing ass back to the chateau!” So they left.

At Hu’s 21st, my older brother Jamel rocked up blind and went up to Hu’s African side of the family and started kissing all of their hands and asking them if they had any crack, and when they said no, if they wanted any. He spent a good half an hour spinning shit to them, but later on in the night he realised what he’d said and started getting all paranoid. He comes up to me and goes “Luli, someone told them where I live, I think they want to kill me, look at them, they’re looking at me.” So I look and they were, but they were smiling. I’m like “Don’t worry man, it will be cool.” And he’s like “No Lu! You don’t understand! I was saying ‘If you black, you got the crack!’ They want to kill me!” Later on I found him, my little brothers mate and another guy all passed out under the clothesline in a pile, sprawled against each other. I tried to carry him out to his car but he woke up and freaked out. My last image of him from that night is of him ripping his shirt off, dodging the open car door and running down the street shrieking, his wife chasing him into the darkness.


My girl Tray is known for losing everything she owns when she goes out. We have to pin her house key to her like a grandma when we go to festivals. So one night she comes home and can’t find her key, and has to wait like 5 hours for her flatmate to get home. First she took her shoes off and went for a walk around the block, but her feet started to get really sore. By now it was daylight. She spotted some berries that had fallen to the ground in someones garden, so she started squishing her feet in them to feel better. Then she stole their mail and the rest of the streets mail to read because she was so bored. Finally all this adventuring wore her out, so she curled up against her door using her welcome mat as a blanket. But she was still cold, so she emptied her handbag out and put her berry stained feet in it to warm them. Her flatmate found her there an hour later, sound asleep with her bag contents and mail strewn around her. I gotta hand it to her, thats urban resourcefulness in its finest form.

The best part is that this is all shit they did solo. That’s just how wack they are by themselves. But the only way to truly get an idea is to hang out with us for a night. You may not remember much the next day, but that means it was awesome, right?


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33 Responses to “Crazier Solo”

  1. Ray Dixon (Bright) Says:

    It kinda makes me hunger to move back to Melbourne.

  2. WendySkeleton Says:

    Hahaha, omg, that last story is so funny. True, that is resourceful.

    I would like you hang out with you guys for a night. Would be so fucking funny, I reckon. I’d probably end up wearing futuristic jumpsuit and as a hat, those little umbrellas that they put in cocktails.

  3. Marty Says:

    My Dad keeps trying to set me up with some brainless 19 y.o. friend of the family who I knew as a little kid, it’s wrong on about a thousand different levels. I don’t think I’ll ever quite forgive him for first suggesting it.

  4. LuLi Says:

    Ray – Oh, yeah, we have us some fun up in Melbourne.

    Wendy – If you ever come down, let me know, you can hang out with us for sure!!

    Marty – Lol, its just not cool when they’re too young to understand what you’re all about.

  5. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Bloody hell how… what’s the word… coincidental? Because I’m drunk now. But not the good kind. Look around at the comments, mainly in my own channel. Not in the good kind of drunk.

    I don’t know what the fuck I just read. ABout ppl being drunk. Totally going to regret this tomorrow. Fuck. Too often. THanks for being nice at least.

  6. This Devil's Workday Says:

    If anything I regret that I was too nice in this state to certain commenters.

  7. LuLi Says:

    Lol, TDW, its kinda coincidental, but then uni kids get drunk about 3 or 4 nights a week on average so I was looking at good odds. Did you have a good night at least? Npz on the being nice thing, right bak at u.

    Now, do I have to take your keys? You’re not fit to drive, you couldn’t even read my awesome post! 😛

  8. Reuben Says:

    I don’t tend to get wasted much…it’s something I eagerly strive for. But bars…and clubs…well, they’re exceptions.

    Of course, the whole ‘university’ culture is great; the best atmosphere (a shame really, seeing as I’m not in university yet and am merely speculating).

  9. Kezza Says:

    It doesn’t happen all the time, but just once every so often I’ll read a blog post and laugh my arse off. this was one such post, possibly because I’m all a little bit too familiar with it all, however none of your stories end in vomit. Most of mine do! Nice work!!!

  10. LuLi Says:

    Reuben – Getting wasted is what life is all about! (At our age, anyway) In a few months you will be experiencing the same thing, orientation day parties, first week of uni parties, get to know each other parties, pretty much an event for any reason they make up. You’ll love it.

    Kezza – Awesome! You can never tell if something you write is funny, because it might just be a ‘you had to be there’ kinda thing. Glad you liked it. Also, there was plenty of vomit, I just edited it all out!

  11. This Devil's Workday Says:

    “If anything I regret that I was too nice in this state to certain commenters.”

    I retract that. I’m looking over comments at my blog and I have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. This is why I should’ve kept the haitus for longer (or at least not allow myself to get online after a night out).

  12. LuLi Says:

    Ok, you can have your keys back now. And to everybody else, for future reference, anyone who read or posted a comment last night didn’t really. It was all a dream.. A glorious wonderful dream about Charlie that lovable unicorn, frolicking off to Candy Mountain. Shun the non-believers! Shunnnn!

    PS. TDW, you just posted the 1000th comment on my blog! For that you win.. Kezza’s gstring! Yaaaaaaay! (Seriously though, 1000th comment, nice one.)

  13. Kezza Says:

    Luli, you won’t believe this, but for some unknown reason TDW has declared that my G-string is not required. Can you believe that? I can’t, that has to be some kind of cardinal sin or something, right?

  14. This Devil's Workday Says:

    I feel like an ungrateful little shit.

  15. LuLi Says:

    I can’t believe it, he IS an ungrateful little shit! I mean, does he know how much a Kezza g-string is worth retail? You know once I taught him how to make polls on his posts and the next poll I made he said was crap! Unbelievable..

  16. Kezza Says:

    I dunno TDW, to me that really puts you in the ungrateful little shit category, but keep in mind, I did warn you I was going to give you a hard time about this!

  17. LuLi Says:

    Aw we can’t be too harsh, it is quite an intimate gift for someone he’s only just met, and he is a conservative boi..

  18. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Kezza can give me a hard a time as he wants.

    Conservative? Clearly you don’t know me as well as you think you do.

  19. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Don’t forget my banana incident in Amsterdam either!

  20. LuLi Says:

    lol, TDW, you’re too easy to tease 😛

  21. LuLi Says:

    P.S. I wish I could forget it! It scares me!

  22. This Devil's Workday Says:

    I’m going to find my way into the city tonight and get myself into a fight, merely to prove you wrong. Conversative, MEH!

  23. LuLi Says:

    Ok, but remember, pics or it didn’t happen!

  24. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Maybe you’re right. I ended up just having a good time instead.

  25. LuLi Says:

    Prob for the best 🙂

  26. gullybogan Says:

    It was a nice touch, smashing the bottle on the bus. It’s attention to detail like that which marks you out as a very good Batman, rather than just a tryhard. The whole good/evil nexus thing. Very Dark Knight.

    Congratulate your retarded friend for me on his batmanian skillz.

  27. j.. Says:

    «this guys mother turned out to be dead»?

    «flirty drunk»?

    > eyes popping out… i can’t see… i can’t see…





  28. LuLi Says:

    Gully- Lol, yeah he had the angst and the dark side, it was so Dark Knighty. Thanks, I will give him your congratulations.

    J – I’m a menace aren’t I? Here, put those things back in. *gives you back your eyes*

  29. Frog Says:

    yeah i’ve struck out with a mum insult, turned out the guy didn’t know his mum coz he was adopted…..awkward….

  30. LuLi Says:

    Oh yeah its pretty embarrassing.. Boy was my face red =/

  31. Domino Says:

    I feel so boring. I’ve never done anything stupid blind! just stupid stuff while i’m sober…i’ve never even gotten tipsy before…

  32. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Don’t rush it Doms, you’ll more than make up for it in years to come. Just don’t think it’s the greatest thing of all. People forget how to have fun without alcohol eventually. When I went to see Quantum of Solace three of my mates had to sneak alcohol in. WTF? Like you need alcohol to see a movie.

  33. LuLi Says:

    And honey I’ve read your blog.. you are far from boring! I read that one where you just hung out in the cemetery and checked out some bottles of people dust. And jumped in random peoples pools just to get caught. You don’t even need alcohol you little adrenaline junkie!

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