I Used To Think STFU Meant ‘Stuff You’.

stfu

One thing that completely drives me insane is unnecessary talking. Its not like I’m a fiend for silence, its just that I’m not fond of conversations that pretty much go nowhere and only serve the purpose of making the speaker feel like they know it all, or give them the chance to brag. Its probably half the reason why I don’t particularly like hanging around girls, I prefer to be around people who just say what needs to be said and leave it at that. That doesn’t mean I dislike long conversations, they are awesome, I just dislike long conversations about hair extensions and birth control.

My mum has got to be the weirdest talker I have ever known. The amount of irrelevant information she throws into a conversation is astounding to me. I’m always cutting her off or leading her to the point. If I’m already in a bad mood, just one random tangent of hers is enough to make me snap. Just to give you an idea, say I ask her for directions, this is the typical mum answer:

“Okay, you know how Blacks road goes up past the old hospital where your sister was born? Two blocks away is the street you’ll need to go on, drive down past where you’ll see a white house, Manny used to live there, then keep going and if you see a big tree hanging across an intersection, don’t turn there. There will be a diagonal road cutting across, that street passes through St Albans, and I once took a wrong turn down there and ended up in Sunshine! Go past the diagonal road and go around the roundabout, turning into the street on the right, or alternatively you could go straight and make a right at the traffic lights, but those lights have been slow since I lived there, and theres always cops around so you can’t run a red arrow. Theres a fish & chip shop on the corner thats really good, and they’re always stopping there for lunch. You remember it don’t you? The fish and chips we had after we went to Nan’s place to get the photos for your brothers 21st? Well I suppose you were young, probably only 12. So yeah, make a right there.”

stfu2

My friend Bee is notorious for doing something similar, except its more to do with the stories she tells and the irrelevant details like where she had lunch that day, and why she decided to have the fish instead of the chicken, and how that made her feel, and then so she was already a little uneasy so she went to the chemist, and then the chemist told her it was better to just drink tea, so she went out and got out the tea bags but they were mouldy, so she opened up her cupboard and realised she needed to throw a lot of stuff out, so she put the bags by the curb and forgot about them, then her boy came home later and tripped over into them and thats why he smells like cheese. You can’t even cut her off or direct the convo, because you have absolutely no idea where the story is going. The amount of background information that goes into the anecdote completely ruins any hope she had for a punchline, because its got no delivery, she’s smiling the whole way through, and you’re confused at which point you were supposed to laugh at.

I also have a couple of other chick friends who are clearly uncomfortable with any silence whatsoever, and feel like they have to fill the gap in the air with pointless words and stories. If you’re not talking and I’m not talking, its not necessarily a bad thing, we can just chill together and say nothing. I’d rather think in my head than be distracted by meaningless shit. Its like a nervous thing some people have, they’re too scared that there will be nothing to say so they go into overdrive to make sure it never happens. These people are the worst to get cornered by, because they can go on forever without stopping. I got trapped by one on Friday night and it took me about an hour to escape her clutches without being rude.

And then there are those students at uni who will ask the teacher a question, just to show off about something. For example, “With the memoir assignment, is it better to use a lot of descriptive detail, or concentrate more on character interactions, because when I go up to my cabin worth 400k in the mountains to snowboard with my professional snowboarding crew, I often pay more attention to how the rookies will speak to the professionals, rather than their inferior equipment and the ugly snowgear they are wearing.” Okay, you’re a bad ass snowboarder chick, we all acknowledge your awesomeness. But this is uni, its not about chasing the cool anymore, its about how much I can kick your ass in writing workshops.

evil_monkey

Or they even play it like this, “I know that in this editing class you’re teaching us to do blah blah, but when I worked in the field for two years at my fathers company, he taught me the proper way was to completely contradict your teaching methods.” That one can even be more annoying, because we all already know the answer. Forget whatever the hell you thought you knew and just follow the damn criteria. You are not the new lecturer, you are a wanker.

Its these annoying people that take over the conversations, and because they are talking you often miss out on the better stories or the more interesting jokes that someone else could have said. But no, they had to be selfish and waste all the air time! When it comes to talking, I think the old rule is golden: It is better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

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23 Responses to “I Used To Think STFU Meant ‘Stuff You’.”

  1. Marty Says:

    Oh shit, she’s stopped talking so I better say something now, the other day I was in a convo with this one chick and it was boooring, well I had to forgive her cause she’s been going through a bad time of late, I think she and her bf maybe broke up (they say he left her but she denies this) so yeah anyway I didn’t feel like talking to her but I was nice about it, then I went home and we going to have dinner but I found once I started eating that I wasn’t in the mood for fish, I don’t know why, maybe it was that biblical story where that guy gets swallowed by a fish, scared the shit out of me, or was that Pinocchio? Imagine not being able to lie without having your nose grow and everyone knowing about it, man that would suck, everyone makes jokes about his penis growing when he lies instead of his nose but I spose that was more when we were kids, if you could be a kid again would you want to, me I’m not sure, so anyway…

  2. Kezza Says:

    I suddenly feel like I should be rather sparing in my use of words, so I’ll just say: I totally agree.

  3. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Is this an attack on my ever increasing comment lengths? That would be self-absorbed for me to think so. So I’ll continue.

    I have a mate who ALWAYS has to lead the conversation, and his favourite topic is himself. When you go away for the weekend it gets VERY old VERY quickly. The only time you can shut him up is if you decide to talk about HIM. And when someone is like that, you hear the same stories over, and over, and over…

    I’ve also noticed those students who have work experience or families in the industry who they think knows everything. I have a mate who does that because his Dad is in the industry. “Well I was doing it the way you said… but then my Dad said you should do it this way…” “But the lecturer said don’t worry about doing anything like that. The answer is very clearly on this page here. See, it says so here. The lecturer pointed it out to me.” “I know, but… it seems too simple. My Dad said you should do it this way.” I wouldn’t change him though, he’s a very cool guy.

  4. This Devil's Workday Says:

    I also thought STFU was stuff you 😐

  5. Reuben Says:

    I have a short attention span, and unless the conversation is about religion, public transport or the aforementioned two…then…I….sort……….of………drift…………..off.

  6. Luli Says:

    Marty – You’re way too advanced at this to just be playing! It was both Jonas and Pinocchio who got swallowed by whales, I guess blue whales, because the other breeds would be too small 2 fit them through their plankton catchers, right?

    Kezza – No! Its different on post to comment interaction because I’m asking for your opinions, and expecting detailed replies.

    TDW – When you found out did you feel as silly as I did? I was like stuff you’s not even an insult, why do ppl keep saying it to me.. Heh. I love long comments and I always want them, you bloggers always interest me and have a different slant on things so reply as long as you like! It kills my life when the loudest person takes over all the time, and its always the same stories..

    Reuben – Religion or public transport? Thats all that can keep you riveted?Religion gets too explosive for me, whenever it comes up in conversation people get automatically defensive before you’ve even began to make your point. And public transport is quite simple to me, its just not good enough, it needs to be better.

  7. Reuben Says:

    I try not to explode during debates about religion, but the notion that some dead guy rose to heaven some biblical aeons ago frankly deserves nothing more than ridicule (or so I think when I’m debating people on this).

    Your contention about public transport is spot on. I tend to have arguments with people who think they know something about public transport when they’re clearly don’t. Or if I’m challenging the Church of Privatisation or the government themselves (of whom the least said the better). 🙂

  8. Kezza Says:

    Luli, it’s only because now I suddenly fear that I’ll be using far too many words to say not very much at all. I think I might have a habit of doing that anyway. The real paranoia will set in when I start to converse with somone though. Will I be needlessly wasting oxygen? Am I boring them to death? I tend to be something of an unnecessary talker because I sit in a windowless box all day without any access to living, breathing people (mechanics don’t really count) staring at a PC for ten hours, it’s like all these accumulated words within me just want to spill out. You have no idea how much I’ll be keeping an eye on that next time I open my mouth!

    Oh and by the way, I love the Bert and Cookie Montster pic. Cute, yet oh so very true! Tee hee hee.

  9. gullybogan Says:

    I’m pretty sure there are two sorts of directions givers: those who have to tell the story, and those who say, “the address is 15 Hunt street; look it up in yer Melways.”

    I prefer the latter, but my mum (too) was a story-teller.

    Plus, as you allude, most of the story references were of things that i had no idea of.

    It used to shit me up the wall. You know, up the wall past where your uncle put a hole in it when he killed that huge hunstman the second time he was down from the bush, and your father had to repaint the whole wall, except he didn’t, until after you were born, and then you got sick on the fumes…

  10. This Devil's Workday Says:

    I had a friend flat out refuse to give me the address to my destination (where he was at), even though I had a Melways sitting in front of me, PURELY because he wanted to give me his detailed directions. Actually, it was the same guy I mentioned above.

  11. Luli Says:

    Reuben – I’m pretty much with you on the religion is a fairytale thing, but I spose when its a metaphor that helps their spirituality then its ok. Its only when they start pushing it onto other ppl and discriminating against gays and stuff where it turns bad. Otherwise I can see good in following a set of morals.

    Kezza – Judging by your blog, your stories aren’t boring, they are enjoyable so I think its safe to say your talking is probably ok, even if you do a bit of fluffing up before the punchline. Also, sometimes its good to have a friend that talks a lot because they are pretty entertaining and can always find something to discuss with you.

    Gully – Maybe in the old days they didn’t have the Melways so they had to figure out where they were using old dreamtime stories with trees and stuff for props, and now in this computerised age, we’re just copping all the backlash from the excess of direction stories they have no use of anymore. I think I’m onto something.

    TDW – Thats the most annoying thing ever. I really prefer to see directions on paper or look at a map, when it gets past two verbal direction points I start forgetting everything.

  12. Domino Says:

    I think I’ve been guilty of this a few times, but it’s usually just pointless outbursts, not any real structured sentence.

    Do the person a favor, cut them off and tell them to get to the point.

  13. WendySkeleton Says:

    I hate it when people have pointless conversations with me. One time in Tafe, I was just sitting there, starring into space, when my classmate comes up and then has this conversation with me. Like, what the fuck? He’s talking to me about the weather and how it’s so fucked up, and what he did on the weekend. Do I really want to know? Does this have a point? Can I have those fifteen minutes of my life you just wasted?

  14. Luli Says:

    Domino – Pointless outbursts are fun sometimes, I think thats why I love Gilmore Girls so much. I can tell some ppl to getto the point, but other times they don’t know me well enough to take it with good humour so I try to stay polite.

    Wendy – Sometimes you need some alone time huh? It can be a bit intrusive when someone doesn’t realise your trying to just chill. I’m like that on public transport I think, theres something about trains and buses that makes conversation awkward.

  15. Domino Says:

    chyeano, that show is annoying lol. Yeah I suppose snapping at a random who’s being polite (if still annoying) isn’t very nice…aaaaaaand would probably make you a little hated…

  16. Luli Says:

    Ohh everyone hates Gilmore Girls, dammit..

  17. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Gilmore Girls makes me want to claw me eyes out.

    Sorry.

  18. Luli Says:

    Each to their own 🙂

  19. WendySkeleton Says:

    Gilmore Girls is actually alright. I thought I would hate it too, but it’s actually quite good.

  20. Insanity540 Says:

    Excellent post. Made even better by the images! lol

    I totally agree with you that having to endure incessant small talk or completely irrelevant details should be classified as “strange and unusually punishment” and henceforth be banned from everywhere.

    I know exactly what you mean about people that stretch stories out with utter crap, my dad is a notorious offender. He grabs your attention by starting off with something interesting “you know that guy you went to school with, well you won’t guess whats happened to him” and then waffles on for 5 minutes about how the story came about… FINISH THE STORY!!!

    I literally sit there thinking “GET TO THE POINT!!!” (occasionally I’ll lose my cool and actually say it).

  21. Luli Says:

    Wendy – Just when I start to think I’m not cool, you jump in and give me hope again, yay!

    Insanity – Thank you, there were a lot of good ‘stfu’ pics out there so it was fun to go looking for them. Ohh, small talk is the worst, its like at family bbq’s and everyone wants to know how work is, whats going on with uni, if you have a boyfriend yet.. Same questions from every person drives me crazy!

  22. Rayedish Says:

    And in the small talk stakes the old ‘what are you going to do when you finish uni?” it drives me crazy. But I’m never going to finish so that’ll show them!

    Also I am only just begin to grok all the netspeak, apparently OMG doesn’t stand for ‘other minority groups’!

  23. Luli Says:

    LOL! Netspeak has taken over Rayedish, you will have to get onto it. Maybe you could hit up the chat rooms like old school? I plan to take my time finishing uni too, slow and steady wins the race as they say!

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