Its Gone Forever

rip-lappy

I’m devestated. I’m typing through my tears. I went to go get my lappy fixed today and the tech told me I was better off buying a new one. Thats fine, I said, but can you get my hard drive off of there so I can get the documents and stuff? Sure, thats easy, he said, no problem. I was ecstatic, and the guy immediately got a hundred times more attractive in my eyes, even though he was at least 45, but I was just so happy. He sat with me for an hour and let me watch him extract all my stuff and put it on a external hard drive, and then only charged me the price for the drive itself.

But I got home and realised this stuff was from my old ‘My Documents’ that I’d salvaged from my last hard drive meltdown and not the current ‘My Documents’ that all my real shit was stored on. All my pictures are lost. All my writing. And all because I was stupid enough to put a password on my profile. You fucking idiot. I will never do that again. Oh my god I was so happy a few seconds ago, and then when I just realised the stuff I really wanted was inaccessible it shattered me. I had like 4-5 years of my life on there. Msn logs from the time I was 16. Pictures of friends and family. All the anime I’d been collecting my whole life, images I will never see again, never be able to use. Every piece of writing I’d ever written, ALL OF IT!!

sad-beach

If lappy’s were empires, then I’d built Rome. And now its all burnt down to nothing! How can I start again? How will I find all the shit that took me years to come across? How will I remember all the sentimental shit that was on there, all my memories, my whole previous life is gone.. I can picture the files in my head, thats the saddest thing. I can see my documents and remember flicking through the pictures, image by image. I can see where my pics of my ex boyfriends are, and I know I said I was over The Boi, but all my pics of him were from my digital camera, they were jpegs, they were in my docs folder, they’re gone forever! What if I forget his face? The most important man in my life and I don’t even have one freaking photo printed out! I’m not going to run into him, he’s gone back to Syd.

Why has fate wiped my life clean? Doesn’t it understand that I live my life around my memories? I need records because my brain can never remember, thats why I have all the diaries and this blog. I’m never going to see his face again. I was prepared to be over him if I could at least look back and remember the good times. I could handle not speaking to him if I could still read back over the old memories, the times when we were good. Life wants me to forget him. I really have to move forward now, theres no other choice. I have nothing left.

It shatters me.

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21 Responses to “Its Gone Forever”

  1. Marty Says:

    My sympathies. I’ve never been good at consoling people, even though I’d like to be. Once at the children’s camp I worked at some little girl was blubbering about losing her sweater, and I didn’t know wtf to do. In my mind it’s always like, “What the hell can I say, my words won’t bring her sweater back,” and some other girl goes to me in exasperation, “Comfort her!” Maybe I gave her a hug or something, I can’t remember.

  2. Reuben Says:

    You have my sympathies too, Luli. What you’ve just experienced is actually very common; too common. I always – where possible – back up my stuff.

  3. LuLi Says:

    Marty – Thanks, appreciate it. I think its a trait with men that when a girl cries they get a bit stunned and don’t know what to do. My dad and brothers see me do it all the time, and its kind of funny because they get all flustered then offer to buy me stuff, lol.

    Reuben – Thank you, I know it must happen all the time to everyone, you just never expect it to happen to yourself. I will need to start backing up.

  4. Andy Says:

    That blows.

    I’ve had similar (but not quite as sentimental, and therefore far more easily replaceable) shit lost forever thanks to a computer changeover. I hope you’ve learned the same lesson today that I also learned the hard way: NEVER throw away (or sell) a hard drive. You never know what new tricks those data recovery people will come up with.

    I have a cupboard with a few old hard drives piled into it, and while I may never actually NEED to dig through them trying to recover old stuff, it’s nice to know that I can, should the need arise.

    I don’t suppose you’ve bothered calling the techie to see if he still has it, have you? Maybe he can have another crack at it?

    Or maybe it’s simply a case of providence. If the past is now (figuratively) blank, your only remaining option is to look to the future.

    Perhaps the universe is trying to provide some manner of closure?

    Let’s all light the bongs and ponder…

  5. LuLi Says:

    I could call him, but I think if he honestly could have gotten into it, he would have. I told him that it was all really important to me and he did sit with me an hour salvaging what he could. I managed to keep my music at least, which is good but, I don’t think I even care now that my pics are gone.

    I think I just have to start again and stop clinging to the past.

  6. Insanity540 Says:

    I’m sorry, I know exactly how that feels to loose everything. I had my harddrive die inside of one of my old computers and I lost everything. The worst part was it was all my school work/study notes/assignments…everything.

    From that day onward I have always had an external hard drive, and backup all my important files every 1-6 months.

    I had a recent scare with my new PC dying without backing up any of my recent photos/music/files etc. Luckily it was just a PSU (power) issue and easily and quickly fixed.

    Sorry to hear you lost everything. I would recommend getting a external hard drive just for backing up all your important files.

    I now have every file I’ve ever made, and my personal folder is currently standing at 30GB with 23,000+ files… I need to go through and delete about 70% of it.

  7. mithfalath Says:

    That’s indeed very sad and frustrating at the same time. Well, how will I say this, just be careful next time. And remember, it’s not yet the end of the world.

    Move on. Things like this happen for a reason. But either way, sorry to hear that. I can feel your pain as I read through your thoughts. ><

  8. LuLi Says:

    Insanity – I guess it always takes a loss before we realise thatyes, we actually do have to back up and our computers aren’t going to be reliable forever. The signs were there I suppose, running slower, staying alive way past its lifetime. I’m definitely going to be backing up now.

    Mithfalath – I know its hard and you’re right, I just have to move on. These things do happen for a reason. It is quite painful though, like my room burned down or my belongings were stolen or something. Thanks for the sympathy.

  9. Marty Says:

    Multiple brothers? And multiple sisters too right? You must have a big family?

  10. LuLi Says:

    Two brothers and two sisters, 7 in the family all up, although my older brother has a different father who is estranged. He sees my dad as his so it all worked out well even despite my parents divorce 🙂 Do you have a big family?

  11. Jeremy Says:

    I’ve started having two hard drives at a time, preferably on two computers, and backing photos etc between them regularly. Drives will die, it’s a certainty. At least you haven’t lost your blog writing.

    I’m not quite sure from this story why you can’t go back and try to rescue the other data. What happened to the drive after he recovered the wrong directory? Isn’t the right one still on there?

  12. WendySkeleton Says:

    Well think of it this way: now that you’ve gotten rid of all your old stuff, you can find new things to clog up your harddrive!

  13. Kezza Says:

    Rome has been rebuilt more than once in the past and each time it is more glorious than it ever was before. Maybe this is the universe’s way of telling you to make a fresh start. Yes it sucks to loose those images but you haven’t lost the memories attached to them. No technology exists to dull them from your mind and your heart. Be strong and surge forward as I know you will.

  14. This Devil's Workday Says:

    Sorry to hear about that Luli. I would normally say something like “think of it as a chance to start fresh and clear yourself of the clutter”, but photos hurt. You can get backup harddrives fairly cheap these days.

    And what’s that about password protection? I password protect my computer (my brother has looked through my stuff in the past) so is that going to a problem if things go bad???

  15. LuLi Says:

    Jeremy – Whats happened is I have the folder with all my stuff in it, but when I try to go in it the pc says access denied. And thats because on XP my profile was pw protected. So I’m keeping it in the hopes that one day I can get in there..

    Wendy – Yeop thats true. I need to buy a new lappy first tho.

    Kezza – I know, I’ll always have the memories I suppose. Next time I build it up it will be better, because at least I will be more smart about it.

    TDW – Yeah I shoulda gotten somewhere to back up, I was always saying I’d get one but never got around to it, so its only really my fault. With the pw protect thing, if you’re pc crashes and you salvage the hard drive, and try and put it on another pc it won’t let you access it. Its very frustrating.

  16. Marty Says:

    I have two younger brothers for a family of five. Not small, but we are the only ones in Australia, everyone else is in the U.S. (my parents are from there). So for all intents and purposes there is no extended family. I mean there is, but we don’t register on each others’ radars.

  17. gullybogan Says:

    It’s a bit like having a stroke, losing a hard drive.

    The best thing to do in circumstances like this is to have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which means that you keep three copies of everything. And then you can sit up at night, looking at your collection of thumbdrives, SD cards, removable hard drives…

    OK, maybe that’s not the best thing, but it works for me.

    The best *sane* thing is to see your laptop as just the player for your content, which is kept on removable media. Then, if you keep your life on solid state devices, and keep replacing those devices regularly, your chance of suffering an iStroke is somewhat reduced.

  18. Domino Says:

    That’s terrible!!! That’s like a fucking Hiroshima on your life!!!!! Deepest sympathies LuLi…When you re-start your life make sure you buy a huge hard drive and back up your files!

  19. LuLi Says:

    Marty – That is a quite small family. At least you would get to travel over there and hang out with them though, I’d love to visit the states. Unfortunately all my extended family are in boring places like Warrnambool and the eastern suburbs.

    Gully – A good case of OCD would have certainly come in handy. But I’m way too much of a messy natural disaster to be that thorough. Right now my clothes are perfectly hung and ordered in my wardrobe, but for some reason I feel compelled to have ten pairs of heels flung about, taking up the floor space. That is a better way to think of a lappy, as more of a content player.

    Domino – I know right? Ugh, its bad. Thanks for the sympathy Domino. Definitely need some kind of backing up system happening.

  20. Ray Dixon (Bright) Says:

    Why has fate wiped my life clean?

    I wish it would do that for me!

  21. LuLi Says:

    Lol, its not as fresh and clean as it seems..

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