Dreaming Away..

“Daydream

I fell asleep beneath the flowers

For a couple of hours

What a beautiful day..

Daydream

I dream of you amid the flowers

For a couple of hours

Such a beautiful day..”

flowers

There is not one day that goes by, that I don’t sit and stare blankly, day dreaming some crazy fantasy that will most likely never come true. Maybe I have a childish or naive mind, maybe I’m too airy and lack discipline, but imagining worlds that are far better than the one I reside in helps me get through the day. Especially with the monotonous shit I do at work.

It usually begins with what I decide to wear. I’m always dressing in characters or themes, although very subtly. The elements I put into the outfit only hint at the persona I’m actually going for, in my head its far more extravagant and over the top. For example, some days I will wear a lot of bright colors with chunky gold and the extension of that in my head is a very street, ghetto New York look, straight out of the hood. In my head I’m wearing a bandanna and sneakers, but in reality that ain’t my style. So if I’m doing that character my speech is all of a sudden peppered with phrases like “we chillin” or “yo, b, wat up?”. The saddest thing is I’m not even lying.

One recurring theme is anytime I wear boots, I start imagining that they are elven or superhero style and picture myself an acrobatic heroine, who could do backflips and leap off buildings if she chose to. While walking around my office I’ll pretend I have some sort of elf-like grace and natural stealth, when in reality I am a clumsy and awkward fool. The other day a cute guy checked me out in the kitchen and I spilt tea all over myself instantly, so you can see how this graceful thing would appeal.

“One summer night

We ran away for a while

Laughing, we hurried beneath the sky

To an obscure place to hide

Where no one could find..

And we drifted to another state of mind

And imagined I was yours and you were mine

As we lay upon the grass there in the dark

Underneath the stars..”

paradis1

Another one I think of is while I’m on the train, I imagine suddenly it comes to a stop and we look outside and see the country has been invaded. And that the train is being looted by some rogue soldiers, who are killing people at random. Suddenly, the hot guy across from me who I’ve been sneaking glances at grabs my hand and we run to the emergency exit. We jump off the train and decide we better go country, I suggest my bush holiday house, he agrees. From there we make elaborate plans to win back the world, but mostly just fall in love. That one actually has a few variations, like zombies have taken over, or we’re not on a train we’re in a shopping centre. They mostly revolve around some crazy world crisis, where somehow only I have the power to save the day and by the luck of the gods, get a super attractive guy to hang out with while doing it.

Usually if I’m walking somewhere, or doing anything with my ipod on, I’m imagining the songs to be the soundtrack to the movie I’m currently in, which is basically about the story of my life and is ongoing and endless. Except its a little bit Truman-esque in that I don’t yet know it will be a movie, just that my life is *so interesting* that they’ve been filming me forever and its keeping the nation riveted. So naturally, when I’m pissed off the angry music comes on and I stomp through the train station with a fierce scowl. Or something nice has happened, so I put on a cute song and look out a window with a thoughtful and dreamy expression. Shit like that. I never get tired of it.

“Happiness like this it never lasts

Turns into the memories of the past

Here today and gone just as fast

And I can’t feel the ground

Someone let me down

I said I’ve never been so high

As I am now..”

happy

Oh, and I re-do conversations constantly. After the actual one is over, all the calls I should have made come floating into my brain and I start kicking myself, wishing I was more quick witted. Like once this girl came over to my desk and had a sook that I didn’t put something in a work document, and being passive and neutral Luli I just said “Sure, whatever.” Then later I was like, ‘Who the fuck does that bitch think she is, getting all up in my face like that? I should knock her block off!’ Gradually it got more and more heated in my mind, and the conversation evolved from what actually happened to some kind of crazy girl fight slap-down. Naturally I’m the winner because that girl isn’t tough enough and doesn’t have my Westside edge, but you knew that already. Anyway it took a lot of soothing thoughts and DeMello-style ‘letting go’ before I could forget that daydream. Still to now, everytime I walk past her, the face jabs come creeping back into my thoughts.

And my favourite one, that sends me off to sleep when I’m feeling like an insomniac, is my dream life played out before me. The life where I didn’t make any mistakes, and I never got with my ex, and I was never best friends with that bitch, and I never fucked up my VCE.. The one where I got straight into my course without doing TAFE first, where I actually gave my number to that newspaper editor when he asked for it instead of telling him I was too young to apply. Where I’m already overseas, in the trenches, with my trusty cameraman and guide. Man that life is so awesome.

What do you daydream about?

animecouplesatnight1

“And I see

Heaven when he looks at me

In his smile is the most amazing dream

And in his eyes I fall asleep

And I hope

Hope that he can see through the smoke

Of my imperfections into my soul

And my heart where he has control..”

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14 Responses to “Dreaming Away..”

  1. cosmicjester Says:

    Luli, your stream of consciousness type of posts are nothing short of brilliant. Keep it up. I fear if i were to share what i think about it would brake the internets.

    which uni did you do your journalism thingo? i dabbled in journo when i was at monash, didn’t think much of it

  2. Ray Dixon (Bright) Says:

    What do you daydream about?

    Uh … I’m male. The answer is “sex”.

  3. Marty Says:

    I daydream about an imaginary life with a woman named Karina (as in a real person), sitting next to her at a table so that we are on the corner of a four-seater table but only our corner of it gets used. But I’m not such a daydreamer otherwise; I really should, I think it would help get me through with less negative feelings.

    I like this piece, it’s the best one (of your emotional ones I mean) you’ve done since maybe the one about Christmas at very least.

  4. LuLi Says:

    comicjester – Ohh, thank you 🙂 I will try and keep it up, its my difinitive style I think. You could stream out yours, I bet, apart from being embarrassing when you look back at what you’ve bared, its not as crazy on paper as it feels in your head. Hi I’m rhyming.

    Ray – Silly me, I should have known! 😛

    Marty – Daydreams keep me optimistic, thats for sure. Negative feelings fall away when you think about what ideally could be. Thanks, I agree its way better than the shit I’ve been posting lately. Hopefully I’m back into the flow of things.

  5. TDW Says:

    Sounds like you’d like that movie Brazil (who I mentioned in your top female characters post). Main guy regularly day dreams about being a superhero of some sort and rescuing the woman I mentioned. Except he met her in his dreams before he sees her in real life, hence part of the main plot (again, still not sure what the hell that plot was).

    I kind of do the uniform thing when I get dressed. If I’m wearing mostly black I’m pretending to be a rock star. If I’m wearing brighter colours I’m probably pretending to be an electro-rock star, kind of like Klaxons or something (those hyper colours on my old blog header were no coincidence). Then if I’m walking through the city I like to pretend that I’m incredibly important…

    I also have conversations except it’s when I’m lying in bed and it’s usually Denton or Parkinson interviewing me in the future about my illustrious career. Either that or it’s a documentary playing in my head with other people who have known me and worked with me raving about how great I was to know and that I was probably a genius yet so well grounded. Narcasissm eh…

    The dream life thing doesn’t really occur anymore. I think I like my life. The only thing I’d change is that I still live with my parents. So yeah, when I day dream about my current situation it’s usually the way it is except I’m living in an apartment in the city, hanging out in cool bars with arty farties, and usually a girl is involved.

  6. Reuben Says:

    It’s funny, I always fantasise myself in the role of The Doctor from Dr. Who. Nerdiness much?

    But relax…your daydreams are perfectly normal and refreshing.

  7. LuLi Says:

    TDW – Yeah, that really does sound like a movie I’d like, love story, saving people hero thing, weird fate coincidences, its ticking all the boxes. When I’m walking through the city in heels I sometimes imagine I’m doing the Naomi Campbell & work on my catwalk and think to myself, be fierce! lol! Its pretty awesome that ur just about living your dream life.. I’m jealous 😛

    Reubs – We want to be what we idolise, and the doctor is a great role model! Plus heaps of chicks drool over him, who doesn’t want that. Thanks for the reassurance that I’m not weird 🙂

  8. Domino Says:

    Your dreams sound like fun.
    I daydream about making video clips for songs or making scenes for movies. Or spying on things, like Harriet The Spy. I love thinking about the zombies thing, though that’s more a conversation than a daydream for me.

  9. WendySkeleton Says:

    I always go into that “Man, I should’ve said this!” mode after I finish any conversation. I always think of more witty (doesn’t necessarily have to be negative) things to say well after the conversation. And I will play them over and over in my head, each time me saying different things and each with a different outcome.

    I have to admit, as someone who despises romance novels, my daydreams are always romance-orientated. I am a huge fan of Star Wars and comic books where there is a lot of action, but I think the reason I am always daydreaming about romance plotlines is because romance as a genre in books is so bad. I never like the characters in the stories, and it’s always straight couples as well.

    This is so embarrassing – and sad – to admit that I have a crush on one of my Tafe teachers. But she is so awesome: she’s a drummer and who has lots of experience in the music industry and in the non-music areas of life; I like my older women; she’s turning the big four-zero this year. Plus she has killer blue-eyes to die for. Sometimes I’ll imagine her breaking up with her boyfriend because of whatever reason, and then she’ll come to me with her eyes producing waterfalls and then I’ll be the one comforting her etc. And another one I have is that I’ll have a gig going on where I’ve invited her and her friends and then after the show she’ll be so impressed with my mad drumming skillz, we’ll make out and her friends and my bandmates will all be like, “Where have those two gone?”

    Pretty sad, right?

  10. LuLi Says:

    Domino – No one of my friends cares as much about zombies as I do, so I can never bring it up with them. They just look at me like “Huh?” Obviously, its going to happen one day, we’re just one bad nuclear experiment off an outbreak! We need to be prepared.

    Wendy – I agree about Romance. Its pretty much out the window these days, nobody is romantic anymore so we’re just trying to fill a hole by dreaming up amazing scenarios that make our heart swoon. SMS and technology have pretty much taken away any of the fun of getting a phone call on ur house phone by the person u like, or actually having to arrange things to do a few days before they’re on. Sigh.

    Thats not sad at all, everyone crushes on their hot teachers. My web journalism lecturer is pretty cute & its taking a lot of effort to resist flirting with him! Dream away, it hurts no one.. 🙂

  11. Frog Says:

    I self consciously make my self look like Martha Jones occassionally, with my hair if nothing else. It just makes me feel, that maybe one day I’ll save the world.

    No Weapons. Just Words.

  12. The Mutant Says:

    I love me some escapism, however yours shits all over mine!

    Personally I often take myself away to New York, where I base myself tripping to Denver and Arizona to meet blog buddies.

    Usually though I daydream about cars – sad but true.

  13. gullybogan Says:

    Come to think of it, i don’t really daydream much.

    I spend a lot of time thinking about how i’m going to write this or that up in my blog, but that’s about it.

    I do tend to dress with irony. Rather than accessories that bestow secret powers, i choose clothes that undercut the presumptions of those around me. Like, i’m a t-shirt and cargo pants guy, but i dress in this sort-of suit at work.

    Sad really.

  14. LuLi Says:

    Frog – I had to look her up, but she seems super cool. You’re on the dr. who train as well eh? Nothing beats a tough heroine.

    Mutant Man – Have you been to New York, or is that part of the appeal in ur daydreams? I sometimes dream about a tuff car too.. One that makes ppl go ‘wtf does she think shes doing in that beast?!’ lol

    Gully – I’m a fan of the ironic dressing, I love adding bits and pieces to outfits that will make someone think twice about what I identify with. Its not sad at all!!

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