Archive for June, 2009

Goodnight Sweet Prince

June 26, 2009

“No, If the angels took me from this earth

I would tell them bring me back to her

It’s a chance I’ll take

Maybe I’ll stay

Heaven can wait..”

mj_l

MJ.. 😦

I can’t believe it. I loved that crazy bastard so much, I think I spent more time debating over his court cases than even listening to his songs. Well that’s probs a lie, but still.. I feel so sorry for his kids.

Some of my best memories were accompanied by MJ songs. My old best friend and I could only agree on listening to him together, we hated each other’s music. Nothing can cheer you up like hearing MJ at a club, watching him dance was awe inspiring, his music was amazing.

He will always be a legend.

R.I.P. Michael Joseph Jackson (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

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You’re Holding Up Traffic, Green Means Go!

June 24, 2009

“I wish I had a dime for every

Time they warned me about you

I wish I could erase the very

Thought of what you put me through

And you try and make it all seem

Like I should lay down while you’re walkin on me..”

sad 2

I just remembered this and had to share it. I once dated a guy for a few weeks, he used to come chill at my place all the time, and he was one of those funny ‘charming’ guys who flirt with your mother and talk to your family like he’s known them for years. I used to find it amusing, especially when he finally met my dad, who saw right through the act and gave him the hard ass routine which was uncomfortable at the time but now makes me snicker. Anyway this guy was like ‘I want to be in with your mum’, within a few days of meeting her and all I could think was ‘Umm, but you’re not ‘in’ with me yet?’

So my mums friend is over and it turns out both he and my mums friends daughter are applying for a job with the same company, except he’s been through the whole process and she’s just beginning it. So for like three hours I sit there, bored out of my mind, while he walks the mum through the applications and what to do in the interviews, and they make plans to meet up again for him to help, whatever. I ONLY just remembered this, I block shit out you see, but sometimes it comes floating back.

He went over to her house and SLEPT WITH her daughter, and I never found out until later, but it was shortly after this application help thing. We kinda faded out at that stage anyway, but I didn’t know why at the time. I wasn’t that offended, I didn’t like him enough yet, but still.. What a fuckhead. And the daughter, I used to be friends with her when we were young, we still say hello on the street. It never even crossed my mind that she slept with a guy I was dating! I still see her till now and of course this is why she acts weird. I didn’t put two and two together.

“Ain’t no problem you can go

I will find somebody else

So why not move along?

You got the green light so you can go!

I gave all I could give

My love, my heart

Now we’re facing the end for what you did

From the start, my love..”

bee

Another boyfriend went ‘missing’ for a month and then calls me back after like nothing had happened. I was like ‘Are you serious? I’m seeing someone else now.’ But I should have seen it coming, he was always very selfish. Once I went to his house, and this may sound stupid, but to me it defines his character. Anyway so he makes me a cup of tea and himself a coffee, and he’s in the kitchen so he comes back out to the lounge carrying a cup and I automatically reach for it. But he’s like ‘No, thats mine,’ takes a sip and puts it down in front of where he was sitting.

WHO DOES THAT? Brings out his own first! Common courtesy and proper manners is that you bring your guests cup to them, then you go get your own. Not only that, but it makes more sense, because your guest can sip from theirs while they are sitting waiting for you to get the other cup. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I make a lot of tea and coffee, and I love having guests over, and there will never be a day that I hand myself anything before I have made sure my guest has had theirs first. Especially on a date! Man, for the rest of the relationship I couldn’t stop thinking about it, that one silly gesture. I didn’t let it sour anything, coz I knew he really liked me, but it just irked me that it happened.

Another boyfriend, before we first got together, told me he liked me and then told me he was confused because he thought he sort of liked his ex as well. I was fuming, partially because he divulged this right after he’d confirmed that I liked him too, and partially because I hate when girls compete for men and he was trying to make me do it! I can’t stand it, every time I find out there is another chick in the picture, I bail. So I told him that I was taking it back, I didn’t like him, he could go be with that girl and we would be friends, nothing more.

“So what I’m trying to say

I know whats happening

Your body’s here with me

But your heart and your mind is still with her

Go back to what you know

Go back to where you know your heart is boy

Just be honest, this is impossible

This is impossible! We’ll never work coz you don’t want it

You belong with her so go back to what you know..”

1166505275337

Well, I never saw someone change his mind so fast. He called me back and apologised, but by then I was too cut. I wasn’t going to get with a guy who five minutes ago wasn’t even sure if he liked me more than his ex! (Please excuse the politics, I was a teenager so you could imagine the dramas involved) We sorted it out eventually, he called her and told her whatever and it was going good for a while. Then I lost my phone for about 5 days. He doesn’t call the house phone and he went to a dif school so I couldn’t contact him. I get my phone back or buy a new one or something, and call him and he tells me he’s back with his ex-gf! Blah. I think that was my first heartbreak.. I was about 16.

I have a million stories like this, I think I may be extra awesome at finding assholes to date.. What a talent. At least I can laugh at them now. Anyone else have any bad dating stories they’d like to share?

All Paths Lead To Psychos

June 17, 2009

“I live my life in chains, got my hands in chains

And I can’t stick with the cards

That I got with a deal like this

I must insist that a girl’s got more to do

Than be the way you think a woman should

I’m taking it into my own hands

In this mans land I can understand why I’m taking command

Had enough, of stuff, and now its time to think about me..”

fortuneteller

So as we know I’m pretty into the whole divination, astrology thing. My mother suggested the other day that we go to this mind body soul festival on the weekend and I was fairly intrigued. I imagined myself strolling along the stalls, forcing gypsies to read my hand and making insightful comments that showed my immense tarotian skills during presentations. And mostly, I pictured the wealth of information that would be at my fingertips. People willing to explore and explain the meaning of their chosen field, perhaps some kind of alchemy table where I could crush wolfsbane and make a potent hand cream, or a philosophical debate of sorts between the wiccans and the scientologists.

Well the only bit I got right was the scientologists. And frankly, what the hell are they doing there, aren’t they illegal yet? Oh there were stalls alright, all selling over priced “magical” crystal jewellery and highly questionable “artifacts”. Not to mention the readers, who all came for the low low price of no discount. Honestly, you’re sitting on a plastic chair with a little velvet table cloth thing, if I gave you a minifridge it would look like your caravan back in the park, do I really need to pay 50bucks for a palm reading?

And the place was almost silent, like a library with no children’s section.. I could hear everything everyone was saying. There was no chance of me subtly asking what I wanted to know without the whole room listening in. And they were trying pretty hard! There was only like 20 other people there besides me and my mum, and we must of looked slightly out of place because everyone was watching us shuffle uncomfortably through the maze of enchanted earrings with curious eyes.

gypsy-3

Is this the scene? Really? I’m starting to re-think my ties to this community. I didn’t trust a thing anyone said about anything, nothing was authentic in my eyes. I heard a guy say that a normal looking book on psychic phenomena had “great powers of protection”.. get the fuck outta here! Everything came with a fee. Even the brochure to the tarot guild of Australia, which I very much wanted to join (just to be able to tell my little bro I’d joined a guild.. heh oblivion), directed me to a website which asked for a $165 annual membership fee. I mean come on, they have like 3 stupid meetings every equinox (which you also pay a fee at) and its probably the same idiots I saw in the room, and they’d probably act all elitist on me coz I’m so young and amateur.

Plus they’re sposed to be all enlightened, whats with the materialism? I thought knowledge was supposed to be free, scientology fits in fine among em at least. Goddamn hippies. I just want to meet a group of down to earth people, who can explain to me about what I want to know, without any over the top crazy talk about auras or magical unicorn rides through the Elysian planes. I’m sick of books, they take ages to read and I have to go slow to pick up the concepts, and I don’t know where to begin because there’s so many different directions and topics.

“Far away.. This ship is taking me far away

Far away from the memories

Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight.. I will be chasing the starlight

Until the end of my life

I don’t know if its worth it anymore..”

_Aloria_

There was this guy there though, he was in my class at school but once he became openly gay and wiccan everybody made fun of him and I think he left. I was always nice to him though and I ran into him the other day at Charcoal Chicken (which has dropped the quality of its gravied chips, let me tell you) and we had an awkward but fairly pleasant conversation about what we’d been up to. Except when I saw him at his stall he got embarrassed and looked the other way. Considering his reaction, would it be psycho to chase him up for a lead? I know where he works.

I wouldn’t be a journo if I didn’t do some groundwork ey?

Does Facebook Breed Unhappiness?

June 9, 2009

sleep

Its Sleep Month, my darlings. That means no work for a month, and time to re-energise my brain with books and movies and ideologies. So far, so good, I’ve pretty much regained my olden time sleeping habits of bed at 5-6am and waking up 2pm! I know my body was built for being a creature of the night, how else can you explain its stubbornness in sleeping during the sunlight hours?

As for the brain activity, its comforting to know that it still works and seeks knowledge when it gets to live outside of the 9-5 hours. I am now expanding my quest to anything and everything interesting, within reason. So book, movie and philosophy strain recommendations are all welcome! For the record I am currently half-way through five books, Brida – Paulo Coelho, The Art Of Happiness – Dalai Lama & Howard Cutter, Awareness – De Mello, Tarot Wisdom – Rachel Pollack and Men & Women – Kevin Childs.

MidoriRindou

I’ve been thinking about Facebook and why its detrimental to the self. I think Twitter and Myspace also apply, Friendster if its still in use, and all those other profile page type websites (blogs too?). If my research is correct (its usually not) then happiness is a state of mind that can only be obtained from within, without reliance on any outer source. I’m blending De Mello with the Dalai here, so bear with me, but we’re trying to be content with what we have, and that satisfaction raises our general state of ‘meh’ to one of ‘life’s pretty cool yo’.

(I’m going to digress for a second, I did an assignment for web journalism the other day on the everlasting love thing I blogged about in March, and my lecturer critiqued my writing as sometimes sounding ‘too academic’! What the damn fuck? Me! The most inarticulate, swearing, personal story blogger of the seven ISP’s ‘academic’?? You best be trolling, fool! Anyway, maybe I do, I’m not sure, but I’m going to try and combat it if I can. ‘Academic’ is a voice for journal articles and the Discovery Channel, not for me.)

So, moving on, it occurred to me that signing into Facebook shifts your mental focus from whatever coherent thoughts you were having, to being completely and almost mindlessly angled to what others think of you. You apply for their acceptance of friendship. You wait for comments on your page, your photos, your status updates, your applications, quizzes, groups, interests, favourite quotes.. It goes on and on. You refresh your page to see what new things people have done in that minute to your profile or their own. Its almost hypnotic.

facebook

It reminds me of high school. Suddenly, all the idiots you never cared about have access to judge your life all over again. And sure, its nice to be in touch and see what everyone is doing, but if you really cared you’d already know, right? Its the popularity contest, the beauty contest, the coolest person contest (was that ever a contest?).. You’ve undone all your good work of distancing yourself from peoples opinions, because the very existence of an account brings the social affirmation aspect with it.

Or is that the weak way to look at it? A truly enlightened soul would enjoy an account without a care in the world of who accepted or who commented. But therein lies the problem. The majority of us are not enlightened, and are not already internally happy. We are the ever-unsatisfied consumer, haunted by images of celebrities and athletes, dealing with the issues of our shrinking self esteems and capitalist oppression. Facebook is the perfect device to feed into that. Its the validation thing. You have to always update your profile/wall, just like you have to update your wardrobe/household items.

What do you think, unhealthy? Or fine in moderation?