“I need diamonds and rubies
I’m crazy bout Bentley’s
Gucci dresses and drop top compressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of my favourite things!”
I always find unexpected bitchiness to be amusing, but this morning’s episode has tickled me more than usual, because not only is it nice and spiteful but it’s also something that’s been on my mind too.
So I sat on the train with my sister and a guy from my bros band and we were chatting about stupid things as is our nature, all the while completely unaware of being picked apart by the girls sitting horizontally adjacent to us. I’m always oblivious to this kind of thing, I’m too self absorbed and I don’t see anyone until they are directly in my line of view (this annoys my friends all the time, I unintentionally snob everyone). But the band guy told me what they were saying.
“There’s no way she’s married.. Is she?” *points to my obscenely fake costume jewellery ring on my ‘marriage finger’*
“As if.. I think some girls just wear a ring there, they don’t seem to care.”
*eyebrow raise and pointed look of disdain in my direction*
I like the insinuation that I’m too *something* to be married and MUST be single (unattractive? skanky? young? annoying? curly?!), but mostly I’m amused by their annoyance at my apparent lack of respect for marriage and its sacred traditions. Not only did my ring wearing warrant comment and subsequent dismissal of my ‘fake’ taken status, but it also produced displeased facial expressions in my general direction. Win. My trolling has escalated to a level that even transcends speech (Although to be honest, our inane conversations about gang signs and putting ooze on the big broken ferris wheel thingy so it comes to life and rolls down Swanston street ala Ghostbusters2 could have provoked the mockery [and I couldn’t blame em really, ps. what song would you use to ‘awaken’ it?])!
I think I just won the award for worst use of punctuation in one sentence. Bear with me, I plan to make sense soon. Also, yes the ring looked very fake but why was it that I’m clearly single and not its insane hugeness that broke the deal? Kudos for the extra snarkiness in that reasoning!
This isn’t the first time someone has commented on my wearing of a ring on that finger. Last time it was the same finger, opposite hand because that means you’re engaged, right? I don’t even know, the whole thing confuses me. To make things worse, my mum’s side of the fam once bought me what I found out later was a Russian Wedding Band, which is one of my favourites to wear because it’s so unusual (3 thick yellow gold bands criss crossed) and must sweeten the fake marriage deal even more.
“Coz you’re my diamond girl
You’re the one I put the rock on
You’re my diamond girl
You’re the reason I quit the game for
Can’t explain just how much you shine
Give me your heart, I’ll give you mine..”
I am clearly a superstitious woman, I read horoscopes obsessively and have lucky underwear, but I do not for a minute believe the notion that wearing a ring on those fingers will mean I have bad luck in love for life (please ignore my track record). That’s just ridiculous. For one, karma owes me big time and I’m expecting a massive payout in that department, but also, why should something like that override my actual good deeds and what not? Is my tangible influence on karmic retribution confined to my accessory related faux pas? I think not.
Those fingers are by far my favourite to adorn, because rings look the best there. That’s why they picked them in the first place. I’m not waiting till I’m engaged because if I did that then I’d probably never get to wear em! And some of my fav rings only fit those two fingers. I also don’t believe a guy would be dissuaded in approaching me because of it. If he really thought I was cool he would at least ask, right?
Or am I completely wrong and somehow sending married/engaged vibes to eligible suitors? Would you talk to someone who wore a ring there? And If I put ooze on the ring and played Mariah Carey to it do you think it would resuscitate my love life? Answers nao plz!!
“I remember once upon a time when I
Would never ever do anything to hurt you
But tonight I’m gonna..
Ima take this ring off, take this ring off my finger
Take this ring off, take this ring off my left hand
Get my thing on, get my thing on the way I do
Thats what ima do, thats what ima do, thats what ima do..
Don’t tell nobody!”