I Like It, So I Put A Ring On It

“I need diamonds and rubies

I’m crazy bout Bentley’s

Gucci dresses and drop top compressors

Wine me and dine me

Bring those platinum rings

Those are a few of my favourite things!”

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I always find unexpected bitchiness to be amusing, but this morning’s episode has tickled me more than usual, because not only is it nice and spiteful but it’s also something that’s been on my mind too. 

So I sat on the train with my sister and a guy from my bros band and we were chatting about stupid things as is our nature, all the while completely unaware of being picked apart by the girls sitting horizontally adjacent to us. I’m always oblivious to this kind of thing, I’m too self absorbed and I don’t see anyone until they are directly in my line of view (this annoys my friends all the time, I unintentionally snob everyone). But the band guy told me what they were saying.

“There’s no way she’s married.. Is she?” *points to my obscenely fake costume jewellery ring on my ‘marriage finger’*

“As if.. I think some girls just wear a ring there, they don’t seem to care.”

*eyebrow raise and pointed look of disdain in my direction*

I like the insinuation that I’m too *something* to be married and MUST be single (unattractive? skanky? young? annoying? curly?!), but mostly I’m amused by their annoyance at my apparent lack of respect for marriage and its sacred traditions. Not only did my ring wearing warrant comment and subsequent dismissal of my ‘fake’ taken status, but it also produced displeased facial expressions in my general direction. Win. My trolling has escalated to a level that even transcends speech (Although to be honest, our inane conversations about gang signs and putting ooze on the big broken ferris wheel thingy so it comes to life and rolls down Swanston street ala Ghostbusters2 could have provoked the mockery [and I couldn’t blame em really, ps. what song would you use to ‘awaken’ it?])!

I think I just won the award for worst use of punctuation in one sentence. Bear with me, I plan to make sense soon. Also, yes the ring looked very fake but why was it that I’m clearly single and not its insane hugeness that broke the deal? Kudos for the extra snarkiness in that reasoning!

This isn’t the first time someone has commented on my wearing of a ring on that finger. Last time it was the same finger, opposite hand because that means you’re engaged, right? I don’t even know, the whole thing confuses me. To make things worse, my mum’s side of the fam once bought me what I found out later was a Russian Wedding Band, which is one of my favourites to wear because it’s so unusual (3 thick yellow gold bands criss crossed) and must sweeten the fake marriage deal even more.

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“Coz you’re my diamond girl

You’re the one I put the rock on

You’re my diamond girl

You’re the reason I quit the game for

Can’t explain just how much you shine

Give me your heart, I’ll give you mine..”

I am clearly a superstitious woman, I read horoscopes obsessively and have lucky underwear, but I do not for a minute believe the notion that wearing a ring on those fingers will mean I have bad luck in love for life (please ignore my track record). That’s just ridiculous. For one, karma owes me big time and I’m expecting a massive payout in that department, but also, why should something like that override my actual good deeds and what not? Is my tangible influence on karmic retribution confined to my accessory related faux pas? I think not.

Those fingers are by far my favourite to adorn, because rings look the best there. That’s why they picked them in the first place. I’m not waiting till I’m engaged because if I did that then I’d probably never get to wear em! And some of my fav rings only fit those two fingers. I also don’t believe a guy would be dissuaded in approaching me because of it. If he really thought I was cool he would at least ask, right?

Or am I completely wrong and somehow sending married/engaged vibes to eligible suitors? Would you talk to someone who wore a ring there? And If I put ooze on the ring and played Mariah Carey to it do you think it would resuscitate my love life? Answers nao plz!!

 BlueDiamond

“I remember once upon a time when I

Would never ever do anything to hurt you

But tonight I’m gonna..

Ima take this ring off, take this ring off my finger

Take this ring off, take this ring off my left hand

Get my thing on, get my thing on the way I do

Thats what ima do, thats what ima do, thats what ima do..

Don’t tell nobody!”

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12 Responses to “I Like It, So I Put A Ring On It”

  1. The Mutant Says:

    As far as I know the ‘ring’ finger of your left hand (between your pinkie and middle finger) is where both your engagement ring and wedding band should go. I’m usually dripping in jewellery, but never on that finger. Despite being something of a non-taditionalist/non-confomist I just can’t bring myself to do it.

    I unintentionally bought my husbear a ring that fits that finger, however until we can officially tie the knot I refuse to let him wear it on his left hand, only on the right.

    My sister went on a date the other night wearing a ring on her wedding finger, a plain gold band of all things, when I mentioned it, she suddenly understood why the guy she was seeing may not have been so keen on her.

    If you choose to wear something on that finger, do so by all means, however be aware that some people may be upset by it, others may automatically believe you’re married. Bitches like those on the train though are probably just seething with jealousy.

    And yes, Russian Wedders are rather funky looking rings, and can be worn on any other finger as a non-wedding band. I was also unfamiliar with any bad luck stemming from wearing a ring on that finger, so go for it!

  2. LuLi Says:

    Husbear! I love that. So you’re planning to get married as soon as you can? That is romantic, and he should definitely wait, so that it’s special when the time comes.
    People shouldn’t be upset by my ring wearing though, that’s wack. I think the more time goes on the less we are adherent to these old traditions anyway. They are nice, sure, but irrelevant, and I didn’t think the rules were even thought of anymore so there must be many like me.
    What kind of ring did you get husbear?

  3. cosmicjester Says:

    Too curly to be married?

    I never remember which finger is the ring finger no matter how many times I’ve been told, and its something I never notice when I’m introduced to someone. So for all I know I may have been hitting on married women for years.

    I’m fairly indifferent to the institution of marriage. I was with a girl for 7 years who was militantly against it despite being a dedicated Xtian, go figure. If two people love each other what do they have to prove to other people? And breakups are much easier without worrying about all the legal drama,

  4. The Mutant Says:

    I like some traditions, but only because they can be corny fun. I do repect the wedding ring thing, but maybe out of habit more than anything else.

    The husbear and I have discussed getting married – at first we thought we’d head overseas, but decied to wait until we could legally do so here. The ring I bought for him (which wasn’t intended as a wedding ring, just a birthday gift) is a sterling silver Tiffany 1837, from Tiffany & Co.

    When we do exchange vows there’ll be some custom ring action going on for sure, however, because it’s dangerous for me to wear jewellery on my hands at work, I’ll be wearing that one around my neck, close to my heart (awwwwwww).

    Oh, and I fully intend to be one of those annoying people who does the whole: “My husband and I” thing, “Let me check with my husband” and “I’m sorry, you’ll need to speak to my husband about that”. Actually, come to think of it, I’d probably want to punch myself if I did that! Ha ha.

  5. michelle Says:

    The ring finger on the left hand is considered traditional for wedding and engagement but a friend of mine’s husband and inlaws come from Poland where the tradition is the right hand. So who knows.

    I love the bitchiness though. Highly amusing.

  6. LuLi Says:

    CJ – Oh yeah u know, curly = crazy! See, I thought guys wouldn’t really pay attention to the rings, thanks for the confirmation. I’m not sure whether I’m pro or against marriage, I spose it doesn’t matter if they’re together and in love as you say..

    Mutant – Tiffany & co! Lovely. It would be nice to go overseas for the honeymoon, but have the actual ceremony here so your fam & that can attend. I myself would like a Vegas wedding, but my sister forbids it. She wants to be the maid of honour, so I have to stay here. ps. Its your god given right to gloat over ur husbandry!!

    Michelle – Thats two for left hand for both rings, think u guys may be right. I’m just clueless with these things. The bitching was awesome hey 😛

  7. insanity540 Says:

    song choice: “The Final Countdown” by Europe. Why? because its epic.

  8. Ray Dixon Says:

    I don’t think the ring means anything, LuLi, especially if it’s so obviously a fake, so wear it wherever you like and ignore the fckers (they’re just envious, I’d suggest).

    But as for this: I read horoscopes obsessively and have lucky underwear , um, what sort of “luck” are you hoping your undies will bring you?

  9. LuLi Says:

    Insanity – Ahhh nice choice!

    Ray – You know what I realised about it yesterday? My sister coincidentally said to me, ‘Jess asked if you were married the other day because you were wearing a ring there’ out of the blue.. And thats when it clicked. The only people who notice are people who are dying to get married! As for lucky underwear, well you know.. luck of all sorts 😛

  10. gullybogan Says:

    Any sort of metal on the ring finger and the deal’s off.

    Seriously. If a girl is sporting a ring on the wedding/engagement finger, she’s off limits. Unless she’s drunk, of course.

    Most gentlemen would feel it unnecessary to ask if a girl is really engaged or not if she’s wearing a ring. That’s what the ring is for.

  11. LuLi Says:

    So you’re on the hard right with the rings ey? Hmmm, intriguing. Either I drink more or I bring up in conversation my single-ness loudly.

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