You Ain’t Never Seen A Fire Like The One Ima Cause!

“I know she was attractive, but I was here first

Been riding with you for six years

Why did I deserve to be treated this way by you?

I know you’re probably thinking

What’s up with B?

I been crying for too long, what did you do to me?

I used to be so strong..”

Wow, I’ve gotten some really lovely comments in the past few days. I’m going to reply to all of them, as is my usual protocol, but I’d like to say thanks to those individuals first up! A couple weeks ago I had a few hater replies that I moved straight to the trash and it really put me off the blog. I’m not usually that sensitive, especially with haters, but you know how these things are. If you’re not expecting it, you don’t react well.

On Christmas Eve I found out the guy I’ve been seeing for the last two months has been hitting up and seeing his ex girlfriend on the sly. I can’t even express to you the rage I’m feeling towards him at the moment. I don’t want to put up some crazy facebook status, but on the other hand I want him to know that I think he’s a dog and for everyone else to know too! I won’t because I keep my dating life away from there, but goddammit, I’m just that pissed I might do something irrational. Argh!

I’m pretty sure he knows that I know, and the chicken shit is laying low to avoid the wrath. I know that its all like, don’t worry he doesn’t deserve me if he’s a lowie like that, blah blah, but I’m seething. How many times does this situation have to occur to me? And what kills me is that there were so many signs I ignored naively, thinking he would never have some drowned rat waiting in the wings. The worst part is the feeling of inadequacy that comes along with it, something I’d already worked through before, I’d gotten past it. But now it’s here again in the back of my mind, gnawing away.

“I tried and I tried to forget this

I’m much too full of resentment

I’ll always remember feeling

Like I was no good

Like I couldn’t do it for you

Like your mistress could

And it’s all because you lied!”

There’s a part of me that wants to scream and rage and cause a massive scene, but the other part is saying ‘don’t stoop to that level, be above it, pretend you are unaffected..’ But then, it’s like he’s getting away with it. Except he won’t, because I know he’s going to come crawling back and that’s when I can be cold. This is really a kick in the teeth to my ego, you know? It’s all about the ego in the end. How dare HE do this to ME? Doesn’t he know who I AM?? I have to stop thinking in those terms, because it only breeds unhappiness. It’s as simple as: he fucked up, I go. That’s all it has to come down to.

It was only two months together, it’s not like we were meant to be. I can’t even hate him for it. I feel a bit possessive, thinking of her touching him or them laughing together, but I guess she had the prior claim being the ex, right? Fucking bitch.. Sigh, I’m sorry. But I can understand exactly why so many girls want to blast the chick even when they may not have known he was taken. It’s half jealousy, half intimidation. In the end though it was his choice, his betrayal. I know that. I’ll leave her out of this.

I should have known the moment he started getting possessive and suspicious of me. Cheaters always think their partner is as susceptible to that behaviour as they are. They accuse you first, they get jealous and delusional. Match that with the little hints his mates girlfriends were throwing at me and his sudden need to hide where he was or what he was doing and you pretty much have the conclusion staring you in the face. But I was too blind to see it.

“Tell me how should I feel

When I know what I know

And my female intuition tellin me you a dog

People told me bout the flames

I couldn’t see through the smoke

When I need answers – accusations!

What you mean you gon’ choke?

Oh you can’t stay you gotta go

Ain’t no other chick spendin your dough!

Ima put in a call, tell them ring the alarm

Coz you ain’t never seen a fire like the one ima cause!”

I’m cool, yo. Forget about it. Just another story for the archives ey? I’m going to be fine in like a week or something. For revenge I can go out on New Years and pick up whoever I want. It will be good rehab for the battered ego I’m nursing. To be honest I probably wouldn’t have even been that affected if I hadn’t found out and then immediately had to spend a major holiday with happy couples and families. That’s just asking for the sads. Karma, this shit is stacking up hard.. You owe me big time!

Ciao, my pretties. Happy New Years if I don’t post before then! πŸ˜€


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

16 Responses to “You Ain’t Never Seen A Fire Like The One Ima Cause!”

  1. webmistress27 Says:

    Like the blog, i`ll be back to “Check up on it” as for you mentioning haters just pay then no attention as long as their hating on you that means your on their mind πŸ˜‰ as for the cheaters thats so lame you would think they would just keep it real, but they are so selfish at times
    way to many en are greedy.

    Happy holidays from SWAGGTALK100 – come check us out sometimes

  2. LuLi Says:

    lol @ ‘check up on it’.. nice! πŸ˜‰ I’m usually pretty good with the haters, its even a bit flattering that I’m affecting someone that much that they feel they have to speak up against me. Cheaters suck 😦
    I’ll defs come over for a look, thanks for the holiday cheer!

  3. Wendy Voltaire Says:

    Wait, Imma little confused. So this guy is a cheater? He was cheating on you and now he’s gone back to his ex?

  4. LuLi Says:

    He left his ex a while ago, then he was dating me but cheated on me with the ex! Do you get what I mean now? lol

  5. Wendy Voltaire Says:

    Ohhh okay. Yeah I geddit now.

    But true, what a dick. Who goes and cheats and then goes back to their ex? There are greener pastures on the other side… and he goes back to his ex.


  6. Marty Says:

    Happy 2010 Luli.

  7. LuLi Says:

    Wendy – Yeah I dunno, he’s a dick. A lot of guys cheat with exes tho, I mean that I’ve heard from my friends.

    Marty – Thanks, you too.

  8. gullybogan Says:

    Ego is the hardest thing to ignore.

    I admire your “move on” attitude, but i could never be like that. I’m so caught up in me.

  9. Bron Says:

    Ah, fuck him. I don’t really understand why people go back to their ex’s at times, if they broke up for a reason.

  10. LuLi Says:

    Gully – Its only ignorable when I’m sober, when I’m drunk I forget everything and rage up!

    Bron – They do it because its comfortable and familiar.

  11. Domino Says:

    Now you can bask in the knowledge that they’ll most likely break up sometime in the future – they’ve done it once before lol. Good job on rising above his level with the revenge thing πŸ™‚ and with the not posting crazy facebook messages, they usually always look like attention seeking anyway.

  12. Lil Says:

    Rise above that shit LuLi! You are much better than that. You know that you are when you have an old woman like me looking up to you!
    Don’t even blink. You are too busy to be bothered. They are losers stuck in a rut and you will always be fresh. Waist nothing on them!
    It’s the oldest story in the book and there are many theories why these immature little punks go right back to sniff their shit. Disengage from this. He fooled you once and shame on him. Don’t let him fool you twice.

    As for your haters? Haters hate what they only wish that they could be or have. Don’t sweat the small shit. It means that you have greatness. Think of them as fashion accessories of the successful! LOL

    Much respect!

  13. LuLi Says:

    Dom – I’m pretty sure they already did coz he came back trying to say it was all just rumours etc. But fk that I’m over it! Taking a break from d world of men for a bit.

    Lil – I’m very honored and flattered you would look up to me! I take comfort knowing that they always come back when they realise that they fkd up. And I’m extricating myself from the situation as best I can. I only give them one chance, and plus I’m too mistrusting now.. It’d be a horrible r/s of me always wondering when I’d get the proof that he’s playin up. Fk my haters lol! Cheers for an awesome comment.

  14. internetdrama Says:

    ugh. I completely understand what you’re going thru. I was dating a guy for 5 months and he was all commitment-phobe. Found out he was calling his ex and recently started talking to another girl. No matter how long it last it still hurts to be betrayed, but only time can calm the rage. I know that no words are a comfort and seems like nothing you do can change how you feel. You just wish it didn’t happen. Take your week, I’m taking three.

  15. Beatris Birkeland Says:

    That was pretty interesting ready

  16. LuLi Says:

    Internetdrama – Sounds like we had identical experiences, and yes it does hurt a lot, but I think I’ve managed to get over it somewhat. Mostly now I just want him to burn, to make him jealous, to make him regret he ever looked away from me. From what I hear he’s still talkin bout me, so maybe I’m winning after all!

    Beatris – Thanks! I guess most people can relate to this type of experience.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: