Posts Tagged ‘alcohol’

Kinda Annoyed & Bored

November 12, 2008

A few things I’m outraged by this week:

  • The internet filter is looking good to go in Australia, despite international liberal lobbies outraged at the censorship and companies like ebay and time warner getting behind the cause. Apparently we will have some people volunteer for testing by Dec 24th and it may come into place as soon as early 2009. I’m seriously wishing there was some kind of protest organised where we could all show our combined voices against it. There are only a few things I love in this world and one of them is the internet. I’ll fight to the death for my lover.

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  • I got an email from the Your Rights At Work group which initially began as a protest group against WorkChoices. The latest thing is that the federal government is trying to drop all funding for maternity/paternity leave in 2009. This is mighty fucked up on all counts. “Opinion polls, talk back radio and letters to editor clearly show time after time that Australians support government-funded paid maternity leave. The Government’s own experts, the Productivity Commission, has said that government-funded paid maternity leave is good for the economy, good for employers and good for families. And now there’s a perfect opportunity for the Australian Government to deliver on this important right at work.” You can sign the petition against it here if you wish: http://www.rightsatwork.com.au/paidmaternityleave and if you support unpaid maternity leave, you can get the hell off my site. Cheers.
  • Premier Brumby has decided that the internal government research that has found an increase in problem gambling and that half of all at-risk gamblers were visiting gaming venues at least once a week, up 28% since 2006, is just a load of poppycock and nothing needs to change. Apparently the overwhelming revenue that the government gets from these problem gamblers is just too good to pass up, despite the masses of reports that say something must be done. Oh well.

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  • A study has been done on underage drinkers, finding them to contribute $107 million in tax revenue from the drinks to the government. Despite this, they go on to say that an alcopop tax will not help in any way. “But despite the findings, the study did not endorse the Government’s 70% increase in the taxes on alcopops introduced this year, saying that while it was right to focus on teenage consumption patterns, it did not extend to all types of alcohol and many would simply substitute hard spirits.” I’ve been saying this for ages, stop targeting my favourite drinks! I look like a hobo mixing vodka and cranberry at parties!
  • And lastly, I found a redback spider on a chair in the car hole (Garage? Ooh la di da, Mr Frenchman! This is the ghetto!), two massive huntsmans (huntsmen?) on the window of the back door and a family of wolf spiders near the front door step. This is just from my careful spider inspecting eyes, that watch for spider danger at all times. And anyway, just before I felt a little sting, looked down at my stomach and there was a little red mark there. I’m thinking it was the redback. If you don’t hear from me in a while, then you’ll know I was right. I’m secretly glad the sore is too small to be a wolf spider, because those bastards can fuck you up. They are the one spider I’m frightened to death of, and they just have to freaking live in my garden. I’ve also had the pleasure of two of them on my skin, at least 8 of them in my room and getting to kill one special one with numerous babies that fled from its back. Why life, why???

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I’m officially on my holidays from uni and after my second day, could not be more bored with life. I even drank on a Monday night and nothing. Today after moping around the house and experimenting with mi goreng noodles, tomatoes and eggs, I sat in the backyard and began reading a huge collection of Orwell books in an attempt to un-bore myself. Since when have I given a shit about doing stuff? I’m the laziest, most sloth-like, un-motivated fiend I know, suddenly I’m bored with nothing? Struggling.

So, thats my story. What’s pissed you off this week?

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Freakin Trashbags!

October 1, 2008

If theres one thing sure to catch my eye, its news about alcohol! Shockingly, Australians have switched to drinking cheaper booze in these troubled times. They’re blaming this one on the market crashing, but I’m going to go right ahead and say ‘I told you so’ and ‘Go fuck yourself’ for their lovely alcopop tax. We are always going to buy and drink alcohol in massive proportions, and the price of gear never stopped a junkie from getting a hit. You know what did though? Rehabilitation and community service programs.

Interestingly enough, the article I linked focuses more on the wine side of things, and ignores the fact that since the prices went up, theres a lot more cruisers on the shelf and a lot less bottles of straight vodka. Why were they focusing on drinks for females anyway? Its unfair and its sexist. Even Sixty Minutes had a segment the other night on girls who are ‘trashbags’ and ‘yobettes’, targeting single, white, females who like to party and get drunk and ‘go wild’.

Well, fuck you. I take offense. Nobody blinks an eyelid when a guy moons you, or flops it out at the pub, but when a girl flashes her girls its suddenly a big problem for society? Um, how about the fact that one of the chicks they centred the segment on was a recovering ice addict? That she’s replacing one addiction for another, that she’s clearly traumatised from some past issue that she’s not ready to deal with yet and runs from with substance abuse?

Fair enough, there probably is an increase of female fighting. Or is there? I don’t know, there were no statistics mentioned so I can’t quite be clear on that one. And the fight they showed seemed to be a woman getting in between her spouse and another man’s punch on. Definitely not classy, but pretty courageous considering the thug she was up against.

But what I most loved about the segment was the part they devoted to showing how pathetic the girls felt because they couldn’t find a man. How completely lost and unhappy they were with life, which could all be turned around if only they could make themselves more ladylike and ‘classy’. They want a family one day, they want to do their role, play their part! As Sixty Minutes put it,

“..with addicts like these, Rose seems a long way from fulfilling those dreams. And that is the risk for most ladettes. What starts out as fun becomes a way of life. Their bad behaviour defines them. But in this anything-goes world, it seems ultimately they’re missing out on what they want most.”

“There is a generation of women who see men behaving badly, and believe they have the right to do the same. What message is that sending out?”

What message indeed. What kind of world are we living in when a woman can think she’s entitled to the same rights as a man? Its unheard of. Its disgusting. Its not a world I want any part of! This goddamn anything-goes world! Damn that Lindsay Lohan, this is all her fault. And look where she ended up.. A lesbian, horror of horrors. P-Hiltbagz got a mention too, I mean this was quality reporting. Women can’t just go around, partying, having sex and being independent without thinking of the consequences. They could get famous for it! No, quickly, lets bring it down, lets demonise it! Those filthy sluts.

I didn’t mind what they finished up on though, it was one of the girls with tears in her eyes, lamenting that she just wanted to be accepted by society for who she was. Honey, years of socialisation, corruption of the female form and the injection of a healthy dose of inferiority means that you’re probably never gonna get acceptance for being you. They never wanted you to feel accepted, it works better this way, you’ll see. Viva la Patriarchy!

You just read my 100th post.. Yay!

Whatever Is Whatever..

September 28, 2008

Boy, I been watching you like a hawk in the sky

That flies, cause you were my prey

Boy, I promise you if we keep bumpin heads

I know that one of these days

We gon hook it up, probably talk on the phone

But see, I dont know if thats good

I been holding back this secret from you

I probably shouldnt tell it but..”

You know its going to be a great night when you walk into a party and see that you’re pretty much the only girl in the house. Its times like these that having mostly guy mates has its upsides. No chicks to compete with, and you’ve got just about all eyes on you. Man, I love it! Of course, variety is the spice of life, and with so many to choose from a girl might get carried away and end up with none. But who would be that unlucky? Who indeed.

If I think about yesterday and ignore a certain game won by ‘ahem’, then it actually wasn’t so bad. I got my flirt on, and I got the interesting conversation I wanted and I didn’t kiss anyone and so don’t need to worry about any uncomfortable situations at future events for this friend circle. I got drunk enough to forget a certain team and I didn’t have to deal with the bitchy bitches of bitchville (also known as my mates girlfriends). So what’s my prob yo?

I’ll tell you what it is. It happened again. No, I don’t mean the stockings (it was too hot so I was in a summer dress), although I did fall over. Its cool, I’m filing it under a ‘damsel in distress’ move and not a ‘hi, I’m embarrassingly drunk’ thing. What happened again was my beloved friends decided who I was allowed to date. Or actually, who I was not allowed to go near without them getting pissy about it.

The annoying thing is that they were actually trying to set me up with the guy at the start, and I was like ‘finally some support and solidarity!’ But conveniently right after the guy asked for my number, they told me to stay away from him, that he was bad news, they’ve just realised. So, I listened to them. They made the choice for me and I went along with it. Goddamnit, he was cute and fun. Why do all the bad ones come to me?

“You used to love them

Leave them, kiss them

Break their hearts

But now I got you in my arms

You used to get them

Trick them, diss them

Do them wrong

But now your player days are gone..”

I feel really awful because I’m just lashing this guy based on his reputation. I would hate it if someone did that to me, in fact I would be crushed. But I suppose if you are a mega slut who mistreats women you reap what you sow? Its got to be a bad sign when your closest mates are coming up to me on the low and saying, hey you’re a nice girl, so don’t get involved with him, he’s a fuckhead.

I also had some run ins with a couple of guys I used to date. One who I really liked, who turned into a massive asshole was there, sucking up to me, calling me ‘Li Li’ (wtf, that is so gay). And another I haven’t mentioned who was too shy to get the ball rolling, who I found out had sex with a girl (who used to be a friend of mine) in a spa (that he was sitting in with 3 of his mates who got to watch) last weekend. So much for shy! Man, I can really pick em. Seriously, you should all come to me for dating advice, I’m great.

But, I’m actually pretty glad with the way things turned out. To tell the truth, I’m sick of kissing random boys and then running off into the night. I miss the kisses with feeling behind them, from someone who really likes you. I want that heart thumping, I’m so nervous feeling, that you can only get from someone special. So I think I’m just gonna hold out for that for a while, unless of course, I run out of blogging topics. Or I get really drunk and change my mind. Either way, it will be a shitty excuse. Heh. Ok, I’m out!

“If I’m a drink, you’re my lemon squeeze

Oh you got flava boy, you go good with me

So boy don’t play or tease me

Oh, keep me together, you got what I need

Now its getting late, its after three

So quit your stallin, my body’s callin..

Now its me and you, you and me

And its whatever, whatever you want it to be

I’m telling you, if its up to me

Whatever is whatever

Its whatever with you and me..”

Illogical Binge Drinking Rant

June 16, 2008

Apparently more than four beers constitutes for binge drinking, according to new guidelines that will be released next month by the federal government. Are you serious? I can drink three times that on a big night, although at that stage I’m probably giving everyone the drunk eyes, hugging them and telling them how much I love life. What are people like me classified as, then? Not to mention the guys I drink with who will easily go through a couple of slabs. We’re past binge drinkers, we’re hyper elite super drinkers!

Brendan Nelson is calling for Rudd to rule out an increase on tax for beer and wine. I’m still shaking from the last 70% increase on the lolly drinks, what will I drink once everything has gone up? I deadset have switched to beer and champers since the tax, being a poor uni kid it hit me hard. Honestly, is alcohol really that much of a problem compared to other things? Can’t they put a tax on eccy and blow instead? I know they’re getting a slice of that pie, even naive kids like me are aware of the importing strategies the Pablos of the world are using. I believe the current fav is ‘all your eggs in one basket hidden in a container on a ship’, so upping the checks on containers would easily put a spanner in the works and have a huge effect.

Anyway, I’ve said this before, but binge drinking is not going to be stopped by taxes. No one ever stopped drinking over money, we either got more creative or copped it on the chin and paid the extra. They’re pretty much just targeting the lower class on this one, pushing the bottle further from the reach of those who don’t have lots of money to spend on wants instead of needs. Good, you say? You’re sick of seeing the drunken yobbos in the pubs and prefer a more aristocratic crowd? I must extend a warm f-u, on behalf of the distasteful proles.

How would I solve binge drinking then? Well, for starters we need to look at the definition with a bit more leniency. Four drinks is kinda wack. I wish I could get smashed off four drinks, then I probably wouldn’t be complaining about the price rise. By the way, are they putting the profits of these taxes back into D&A services? Because taxing for surplus is just bullshit to me, governments should put money back into the people and sit on even at the end of the year, not make a profit.

People are always going to want to binge drink, we always want to get drunk. Thats what alcohol is for, isn’t it? The teens are the worst for it, because they’ve been prohibited all their lives and suddenly feel a need to catch up to everyone, they’re chasing the cool. Perhaps a different attitude towards drinking needs to be portrayed. We glorify our stories of drunken escapades and declare alcohol to be fun and adventurous through movies, tv, advertising, and music. Of course they want to do it, how could they not? A price rise won’t change the attitudes. Damn you Rudd, you shit me. Here’s to you.

Fighting The AM

May 16, 2008

It’s interesting to be awake at this hour, ten of the AM. I try to avoid the AM at all costs unless forced into it by uni or work, or something equally as depressing, a hangover. The latter is todays case. Its just that I don’t think the AM has much to offer me. Sure, the shops are open, but is anyone in them?

Thankfully, I can remember most of what I did last night so I can be confident that a bout of the guilts won’t bring me down today. I’ve spent many an hour laying in bed wishing I hadn’t spoken ever in my life. Last night I think I was ok though, I could have even be considered loudly demure.

This is an area I am an expert of, the hangover. I think that with such knowledge comes a certain responsibility, to educate and help others, like batman. Though he mostly educates with his fists. Nevertheless, we must push on.

Awakening In The AM

As terrible as this is to say, you will be waking up early. Its got something to do with the water in your body running out. My dad also told me its when the alcohol finally wears off. To combat this, one must rehydrate themselves as well as they can, get back into bed and sleep that dirty AM off.

The Shakes

If you’ve got the shakes, like I do right now, its safe to assume you haven’t slept long enough. Don’t worry what the time is, get back into bed and force yourself until you wake up without them. Trust me, its the only way. The shakes is pretty much one step away from being violently ill of the mouth in the bathroom. I hate being violently ill of the mouth, but for research purposes, and for the people, I’m willing to go on and write. They won’t be able to say I never did my part for humanity.

Headachey / Gong of Death Pounding In The Brain Cavity

The alcohol has drained all your body water, in some magical way. I don’t know how this happens, only that it does and thats enough for me. You need hydration, perhaps also ibuprofen. In an everyday situation all you will have around is water, which works fine. For the elite there is Powerade. I’m an advocate for red, but I guess any color can be effective. What they won’t tell you about Powerade is that its formulated for athletes to hydrate them fast. This means super effectiveness. Now that I’ve told you the secret, you would be crazy not to take advantage of its powers. Once hydration is taken care of, go back to bed.

General Queasiness Yet Unexplainable Hunger

If you’re having trouble deciding whether to be violently ill of the mouth or stuff yourself with food, then your body is just trying to figure out how to get rid of the alcohol in your bloodstream the fastest. Option number A will be the most efficient solution and its only a matter of time before your body cottons on to this. The best thing to do is get back into bed and sleep it off. When you have awoken eat something greasy to soak up any remaining alcohol-blood cells. I recommend KFC twister combos. You get the freshness of the lettuce, tomato and pita bread but with the added goodness/oiliness of the chicken and chips. And pepsi, which is arguably way better than coke, where can you go wrong (note that this is counteractive to your hydration efforts)?

The Guilts

This is the worst part of a hangover, remembering all the dumb shit you did/said the night before. Things that seem ok in the real world transform themselves brutally in the hangover world. There are only two ways to cure yourself of this terrible feeling. The first is actually preemptive, it involves trying not to do or say silly things while in the drunken state. Some argue this preemptive method is BS, as who could stop themselves in that essence of being? Others say it can be done. I have not yet met these drunken Jedi, but their existence is whispered on the winds, I know they’re out there. The other way is to somehow see those things as they are, silly little things lost in time and memory. Life will go on, but get back into bed and have a sleep to be on the safe side.

3 O’clock Sads

Unavoidable. You may not have noticed yet, but around this hour you will start feeling pretty sad. I think its just a come down from the joy of the previous night. No one knows why its at 3pm, my theory is that 3am was probably the peak of your enjoyment the night before and so its natural opposite must occur twelve hours later, as is sciences way. I could explain it to you deeper, but its all physics and I’m not gonna bore my seven readers into abandoning me. Try to watch an uplifting movie around this time, or sit outside in the sun and look into the sky, remembering that many others in the world have it much worse than you do. Out there, some people are spending their hangover in the bathroom.

Hopefully I have enlightened you all to a better way. Maybe in time you could progress even further by actually being productive on a hangover day. Don’t get your hopes up though, that shits unlikely. I wish I could end this by telling you all I’m crawling back into bed to sleep, but sadly my partner in crime has come over (my sister) and she needs me to accompany her for some hangover food. Sigh.

Oh I almost forgot. NEVER toast your twister. Something that seems like a good idea should never taste that wrong. And those new flavours look shit, huh? Just keep it simple, you don’t want to be too ambitious. Anyway, good luck you crazy drinkers!