Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Show Me What You Got Shorty

October 13, 2009

“Why even fool with these other guys, they all stingy

All these dudes know how to say is gimme

Gimme some head, gimme some brain

Gimme your number, gimme your name

But if I get one night baby girl I swear

I’ll make you tell these other dudes gimme got ya here!”


My disclaimer is as following: I am disenchanted with the male population at the moment, as a long term single woman, I feel I am allowed a certain percentage of disillusionment with the opposite sex. Lets not get overly defensive, on the most part, I love you guys. I always give you a chance, perhaps naively, when I should be more closed to this kind of thing. Be lenient on my musings!

My question of the week is this: How long before a guy expects to sleep with a girl?

This is something I think obviously depends on the guy in question. You get an idiot guy, he wants it the night he meets you. A nice guy would wait longer before getting frustrated with you. A normal guy would expect it early, push for it if he doesn’t get it, and lash if someone else is giving it away for free. Oh my god, that sounded really bitter didn’t it? I’m sorry.

To be completely honest with you, it wouldn’t at all be out of line to call me a commitment-phobe. I mean, if you read the archives, there’s a lot of dating and a lot of me running away. Its hard enough to get me to settle down, let alone commit to them. And I won’t sleep with a guy unless I’m committed to him, which I think is fair. But my roadblock is always that he won’t commit to me unless he’s slept with me. So there’s a deadlock.

“Lemme get that huh, what you got up in them jeans?

Put it on me, or get lonely

Lemme get that huh, you know five car garages

Name on your bank account, all day massages

Lemme get that huh, I wanna put it on blast

Lemme get that, slow it down before I make you crash boy

Got what you want baby, got what you need

We can’t proceed less you got that for me..”


I’m pretty much my only single friend, all my kids are hooked up with someone and it’s like, once you’re out of the game too long, you have no idea. What is the waiting period? A week, a month, three months? Six? Sadly, my side of town is rather.. promiscuous. The people here don’t think twice about a one night stand, so the ones I could ask are going to have a very skewed opinion.

Lets not forget the times are changing. What was going down four years ago is not going down today. Sexual activity is on the increase, drastically. On any weekend you could decide to pick up someone simply for sex and that would not be unusual. Back in the day, it was less common. To me, its fucking wack. Along with this relaxation of attitudes I’m finding there is this notion of entitlement. A kiss is no longer just a kiss. It has to lead to something. Nothing annoys me more than when I’m with someone and we’re making out, and he tries something but I decline, and then he gets shitty because he thought it was going somewhere!

It happens so often that I’ve come to the conclusion that either I pick the worst guys to date or its just normal for there to be action within the first couple of weeks. Apparently, I’m the unusual one! Maybe I’m being unrealistic, expecting someone to wait when they could just go out tomorrow and get it without having to endure the whole dating thing. Has the sequence become sex, dating, baby, engagement? Am I completely out of the loop?

I know, I know, if he’s a good guy he won’t push me and he’ll be a complete gentleman and all of that. But its hard to believe in these magical elusive guys when I never run into any. And I have a large pool to select from, with uni, work, friends of friends, and guys I meet out and about. I’m starting to think someone’s been telling me fairy tales.

So has anyone noticed this change in the game plan? What are your experiences? How long do you wait?


“Truth or dare mami, listen and learn

I got a drop, I just took off the top

It’s your turn!

Show me what you got lil mama

Show me what you got pretty lady

Show me what you got shorty

Show me what you got baby

Hands up, now wave, wave, wave..”


Androgyny And The Middle Gender

December 6, 2008

I’m a fan of the androgynous look, and its edginess. Its not my signature style, I’m way too feminine with clothes, but I like the idea of mixing gender through fashion. Or of even creating a whole new gender, the in between one. If what we wear creates a statement, then the androgynous style is the epitome of equality, and it always gets attention. Its quite positive for society to see girls in ties and blazers and men in skinny jeans, because it means we’re comfortable enough, and accepting enough to embrace those who see gender as flexible. Thats a big step for the great divide between the sexes.


Its by no means a new concept, for decades the runways have predicted androgynous looks and a lot of 80’s icons embraced it fearlessly. Boy George, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Prince, MJ.. Even the fashion giants like Armani, Gucci and Versace have taken it and brought it to life in the mainstream and couture, pushing outside of the punk movement and into regular day to day wear. Agyness Deyn has personified this look teamed with her blonde, cropped hair, which arguably pushed her into the limelight and top model status.

Not everybody embraces the style though. I guess some people like their men male and their females looking female. Christina Aguilera has been widely criticised lately for copying the style of newcomer Lady GaGa, and I’ve gotta say, I’ve seen the pics and its pretty obvious that Aguilera is biting her style. When confronted by a reporter, Aguilera had this to say:

“You know, that’s funny that you mention that. This person [Lady Gaga] was just brought to my attention not too long ago. I’m not quite sure who this person is, to be honest. I don’t know if it is a man or a woman. I just wasn’t sure. I really don’t spend any time on the Internet, so I guess I live a little under a rock in that respect.”


Reow. I love how celebrities are above the internet these days, it pretty much runs the rest of our lives, doesn’t it? Anyway, interpret that however you like, I’ll leave it to you to read between the lines or not. What I loved about this back and forth was how GaGa reacted in the face of behemoth supastar Aguilera, without a hint of cattyness, making the fool obvious to everyone:

“I don’t take offense to it. I’m inspired by androgyny and David Bowie and Grace Jones.”


GaGa is the type of celeb I would usually hate, blonde, short shorts, overtly sexual video clips, questionable voice and part of the dance scene, but I actually like her courage and find her response to be commendable. I don’t hate her music and I seriously hope she does well and that the industry doesn’t just use her up and spit her out, as with most one hit wonders. I especially admire that she took Aguilera’s attempt to mock her by not knowing her gender, and turned it into a supportive statement for androgyny. That was gutsy. It had an element of class that is lacking in today’s celebrity.

I know we’re not ready as a society for a middle gender, yet. But its definitely on its way. I don’t bat an eyelid when people walk past me in drag and while I can always pick the men dressed as ladies, girls dressed as guys are completely indistinguishable to me now. And I see that as a good thing, even though I’m sometimes confused on how to refer to them. The best thing, I think, is not to take the road of Aguilera and call them an it, she or he, but to refer to them as a person should, by their name and not their gender status. Equality is being able to say “I’m the Luli before I am a girl.”


While hanging out with my only remaining friend who is into anime, in between changing episodes I noticed a picture of the Virgin Mary on his wall. I’m not into prying but I am a curious journalist, so I tried to gauge his depth of belief and asked if he heard the pregnant man was having another baby. Immediately I found myself smack bang in the middle of an outburst of how wrong “she” was, how unnatural and how bad it would be for the baby. I asked him why, what his reasoning was, but I was met with the deafening silence you often run into when religion meets common sense. Some of us may be ready for that leap into unisex, but a lot of us are still dead set opposed and unreasonably prejudiced. I’m just hoping that we’ll be ready as a society someday soon.

UPDATE: While searching for a picture of Aguileras shitteous copycat fringe, I got a virus from one of her fansites and my borrowed lappy had a spaz attack. Bitch is officially on my blacklist.

Google All Over Me!

October 20, 2008

My mother plans out Sunday dinners so that they’re ready just before Sixty Minutes starts, and she can watch while she eats. I like to sit at the table for my dinner so I have a perfect view unintentionally (thats my story and I’m sticking to it! Its my mum who watches!). Last night there was an ‘expose’ on the thriving internet porn business.

This segment went for about 20 minutes, while they harped on and on about how profitable and mainstream porn was these days, and how terrible it was that sex sells. All the while including shots of girls dancing around in their underwear, stripping, sliding around poles wearing as little as possible. Did the sex ‘sell’ itself for your ratings Sixty Minutes? I honestly didn’t need to see a 19 year old girl ‘wink’ at me (as Roy and HG would put it) during my evening meal.

And its little back and forths like this that really got my blood flowing:

KIKI VIDIS: It makes me feel good about myself, because I never used to be this confident at all, I was always just so put down by boys especially.

LIAM BARTLETT: And you’d hope to make a lot of money out of it?

KIKI VIDIS: Oh it’s not really money that I’m after. It’s more that I just like men kind of ‘googling’ over me. Stick it in the little USB slot…

LIAM BARTLETT: And they can Google all over Kiki within minutes.

Yes indeed, wouldn’t I just love to google all over Kiki. Fucking revolting. Maybe I just read between the lines too much, but that made me choke on my chicken in disgust. The closest they came to even making a statement in between footage of topless chicks and porno intros (you know, the cheesy scene setting before the clothes come off) was interviewing a school girl who thought that it made men act less intimately and more like they were in a porno during sex.

Their ‘expert’ was a psychologist and sex writer by the name of Holly Hill who divulged that her and her partner would be ‘having a good time’ that night, and that he swooned her on their first date with a candle light dinner and some porn on the tv. Oh, and that she’s basically an enabler who encourages her man with his extensive porn collection, but I guess thats just me reading between the lines again. Here’s a nice quote from her:

HOLLY HILL: Men are creatures of their chemicals and when we expect them to cross their legs for the entire duration of their relationships and not watch things like pornography. It’s extraordinarily naive and goes completely against their natural hard-wiring.

Poor men and their chemicals! They’re just slaves to their own sexual bodies, how can we expect them to control themselves when faced with something of an arousing nature? How dare we expect they just ‘cross their legs’ and wait until we are ready for sexual intimacy? With women walking around in their short skirts all the time, practically teasing them! One should never be as stupid as to think they can actually choose whether or not to be aroused, or that they are in any way responsible for these feelings that we women are so obviously pushing upon them. I mean, why else does rape happen if not provoked by the woman herself? If anything, more porno would mean less rape right? Because sex is so readily available, and not because porn is detrimental to respect for women or anything.

After googling ‘Holly Hill’ I found out that it was a pseudonym for a book she wrote, where she advertised in the paper for a sugar daddy to be their ‘sugababe’. So they pay her for sex with gifts. What an awesome premise for a book, being a whore and then writing about it! Thats not cliched at all! Check out some of the hilarious commenters who called her on her bullshit here. I tried to find her real name, but alas, she is a crafty one.

I kept waiting for the professional case worker or anyone at all who would have a negative viewpoint to discuss, but I guess they just ran out of time, right? The perpetuating of negative attitudes towards women and sexual exploitation isn’t very important anyway. I’m kind of glad I got to see that the porn actress makes a lot of money and her mum is proud that at the age of 19 she just completed 32 hardcore movies in only two months. Like, its not even a bad thing to reduce yourself to just a vessel for a man to google all over. Plus think of the boost to my obviously fucked up self esteem! And once I get too old for regular porn I can just mosey on over to ‘mature’ and make some retirement funds. Life is good. Now if only I could get my myspace friends count to over 9000!

KIKI VIDIS: I know it sounds weird. but having all those people searching me and wanting to be my friends and wanting to see more of me, it’s, it’s … not only just the ego boost, it makes me feel wanted, so…

LIAM BARTLETT: It makes you feel good to be part of that scene? To be a celebrity?

KIKI VIDIS: I’m, gosh, I’m not that yet. If I had more than 5,000 friends on MySpace then yeah, I might think so, but I don’t.

Hi, I have self validation issues that drive me to base my worth on how many men want to see my tits. Porn going mainstream has in no way affected this. In fact, I like to think I’ve ‘taken’ my power back via degrading myself on film. But its all just part of this crazy ‘sexual revolution’. Whats your deal?

What Really Goes On At A Bucks?

September 9, 2008

“I know you wanna get laid tonight

But I’m trying to get paid tonight

We ain’t even gotta fuss and fight

Just hit me right, its on all night

I know you wanna get in bed with me

But you’ve gotta come correctly

Nothing in life is free, especially not me..”

The alleged rape of the best man by the stripper at a bucks party is currently headlining on The Age website. As far as I can tell, it’s his word against hers and it’s pretty doubtful that we’re ever going to get the full story. She alleges he pushed back into her while she was playing around with a sex toy, and that it was an accident. She also says the men were using speed and cocaine and were offering it to her.

The best man apparently punched her in the back of the head but he denies it and all the guys at the party back up his story. Which is to be expected. They say the rape went on for about one second. I’m not sure why this is important, one second of rape is obviously going to be just as traumatic as sixty.

I’m not really going to comment on it, it seems fucked up all around, which is fitting for a bucks party. I thought strippers didn’t touch guys? But then, that makes me think of the other secret I’ve been told, about the secret men’s rule of bucks parties.

Apparently ladies, all men cheat on their buck’s night, and there is a secret code of honour amongst men not to tell anyone about it, so that on their own bucks night nobody tells on them either. The men who told me about this were adamant that it was true, that even my dear brother would have done the dirty before he married my sister in law last year. And of course any guy I have spoken to after has denied it as false, which just seems to fit perfectly with their code.

Everybody knows that a bucks night is a way for all the friends of the buck to have their final chance at stopping the wedding, and preventing their friend being lost to them through marriage. Back in the day, the end result of a bucks was to leave the buck tied up somewhere, miles away from where the wedding would take place, possibly covered in fish oil and shaving cream.

These days it seems to have taken more of a sexual deviant road, a stripper is mandatory, as with crazy drunkenness. And at my older brothers own bucks night, my little brother had some kind of crazy experience with the stripper, that no one will comment on that’s driving me mad! I really want to know what went on, especially considering he was only sixteen.. But this goddamn code of men’s buck night silence shit is seemingly impenetrable (nice choice of words eh?) and quite frankly I’m also kinda scared to know. I do want to be able to look him in the face without blushing.

“I’m in love with a stripper

She poppin, she rollin, she rollin

She climbin that pole and

I’m in love with a stripper

She trippin, she playin, she playin

I’m not goin nowhere girl I’m stayin..”

Do strippers, in your experience, ever cross the line with the no touching rule? Or the no sexual favours rule? Or whatever rules they have, have you witnessed anything you thought to be a little bit crazy at a private viewing in a home, or at a party? I was under the impression that there was no touching apart from a little bit of caressing and so forth, although I do remember as a young girl when a stripper came to a party next door, and the kids were locked up inside, that one man came out with some lipstick on the crotch of his jeans.

So, I want to know.. What secret stuff goes on at a bucks night? Does the buck always or *ever* have sex with another woman, as I was told? I don’t want reassurance here, I want brutal honesty! Comment under an alias or be anonymous if you wish, this is your one chance to break the code without fear of reprisal.