Dreaming Away..

“Daydream

I fell asleep beneath the flowers

For a couple of hours

What a beautiful day..

Daydream

I dream of you amid the flowers

For a couple of hours

Such a beautiful day..”

There is not one day that goes by, that I don’t sit and stare blankly, day dreaming some crazy fantasy that will most likely never come true. Maybe I have a childish or naive mind, maybe I’m too airy and lack discipline, but imagining worlds that are far better than the one I reside in helps me get through the day. Especially with the monotonous shit I do at work.

It usually begins with what I decide to wear. I’m always dressing in characters or themes, although very subtly. The elements I put into the outfit only hint at the persona I’m actually going for, in my head its far more extravagant and over the top. For example, some days I will wear a lot of bright colors with chunky gold and the extension of that in my head is a very street, ghetto New York look, straight out of the hood. In my head I’m wearing a bandanna and sneakers, but in reality that ain’t my style. So if I’m doing that character my speech is all of a sudden peppered with phrases like “we chillin” or “yo, b, wat up?”. The saddest thing is I’m not even lying.

One recurring theme is anytime I wear boots, I start imagining that they are elven or superhero style and picture myself an acrobatic heroine, who could do backflips and leap off buildings if she chose to. While walking around my office I’ll pretend I have some sort of elf-like grace and natural stealth, when in reality I am a clumsy and awkward fool. The other day a cute guy checked me out in the kitchen and I spilt tea all over myself instantly, so you can see how this graceful thing would appeal.

“One summer night

We ran away for a while

Laughing, we hurried beneath the sky

To an obscure place to hide

Where no one could find..

And we drifted to another state of mind

And imagined I was yours and you were mine

As we lay upon the grass there in the dark

Underneath the stars..”

Another one I think of is while I’m on the train, I imagine suddenly it comes to a stop and we look outside and see the country has been invaded. And that the train is being looted by some rogue soldiers, who are killing people at random. Suddenly, the hot guy across from me who I’ve been sneaking glances at grabs my hand and we run to the emergency exit. We jump off the train and decide we better go country, I suggest my bush holiday house, he agrees. From there we make elaborate plans to win back the world, but mostly just fall in love. That one actually has a few variations, like zombies have taken over, or we’re not on a train we’re in a shopping centre. They mostly revolve around some crazy world crisis, where somehow only I have the power to save the day and by the luck of the gods, get a super attractive guy to hang out with while doing it.

Usually if I’m walking somewhere, or doing anything with my ipod on, I’m imagining the songs to be the soundtrack to the movie I’m currently in, which is basically about the story of my life and is ongoing and endless. Except its a little bit Truman-esque in that I don’t yet know it will be a movie, just that my life is *so interesting* that they’ve been filming me forever and its keeping the nation riveted. So naturally, when I’m pissed off the angry music comes on and I stomp through the train station with a fierce scowl. Or something nice has happened, so I put on a cute song and look out a window with a thoughtful and dreamy expression. Shit like that. I never get tired of it.

“Happiness like this it never lasts

Turns into the memories of the past

Here today and gone just as fast

And I can’t feel the ground

Someone let me down

I said I’ve never been so high

As I am now..”

Oh, and I re-do conversations constantly. After the actual one is over, all the calls I should have made come floating into my brain and I start kicking myself, wishing I was more quick witted. Like once this girl came over to my desk and had a sook that I didn’t put something in a work document, and being passive and neutral Luli I just said “Sure, whatever.” Then later I was like, ‘Who the fuck does that bitch think she is, getting all up in my face like that? I should knock her block off!’ Gradually it got more and more heated in my mind, and the conversation evolved from what actually happened to some kind of crazy girl fight slap-down. Naturally I’m the winner because that girl isn’t tough enough and doesn’t have my Westside edge, but you knew that already. Anyway it took a lot of soothing thoughts and DeMello-style ‘letting go’ before I could forget that daydream. Still to now, everytime I walk past her, the face jabs come creeping back into my thoughts.

And my favourite one, that sends me off to sleep when I’m feeling like an insomniac, is my dream life played out before me. The life where I didn’t make any mistakes, and I never got with my ex, and I was never best friends with that bitch, and I never fucked up my VCE.. The one where I got straight into my course without doing TAFE first, where I actually gave my number to that newspaper editor when he asked for it instead of telling him I was too young to apply. Where I’m already overseas, in the trenches, with my trusty cameraman and guide. Man that life is so awesome.

What do you daydream about?

“And I see

Heaven when he looks at me

In his smile is the most amazing dream

And in his eyes I fall asleep

And I hope

Hope that he can see through the smoke

Of my imperfections into my soul

And my heart where he has control..”