In Relation To The Zoological Gardens

WHY THE HELL WHEN COUPLES FALL IN LOVE DO THEY GO TO THE ZOO AND TAKE PICTURES OF THEMSELVES??

I don’t get it, the zoo is boring and its for kids who don’t know what giraffes look like yet. When I think of stuff to do with my boyfriend its not going to be to stand in front of a shit-filled paddock and try to make out the yaks. We’ll just go get drunk and make out in a paddock wearing yak fur hats. Well, not really but you know what I’m getting at.

Two separate couples zoo photo excursions have popped up in my newsfeed this week alone. It is only Tuesday. Allah knows how many zoo albums I would find if I scoured my friends list. A part of me wants to do it to prove a point. That freak scares me and I won’t let her stalk her way through peoples personal memory jpegs, scoffing at their couple happiness and laughing at their awkward attempts at kissing photos.

Why the zoo? What is it about imprisoned animals displayed for your amusement that gets those love beads jingling? It smells weird, the food is overpriced and you never get to see the lions because they’re always asleep and I for one don’t even believe they’re in there. C’MON I JUST WANT TO KNOW! The monkeys aren’t that amusing.

Also I know I said I was on a break, but it’s always the times I tell myself not to write that I want to the most. And the times when I desperately want to update that I’m overcome with writers block.

So anyway, what do you think? Did you take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the zoo? Did you take pictures of yourselves kissing in front of the butterfly house and upload them to facebook? What is the philosophy behind this phenomena? Where did it originate? Is it part of some secret couples only step by step guide to consolidating a relationship distributed when you file your application for a fb romance?

Step  1. Facebook official.

Step 2. Profile pic couple shot.

Step 3. Zoo excursion (and resulting photoshoot uploaded to your social network).

Step 4. Gooey love heart statuses.

Step 5. ???????

Step 6. Profit!!!

When Animals Are Animals..

A friend of my sisters work mate had a pet snake that she’d owned for years and years. It was a python and she loved it, every night it would curl up on her feet and sleep, warming her on cold evenings. Then out of nowhere the snake stopped eating and wouldn’t sleep on her feet, it would just stretch out beside her as far as it could go. Puzzled, she took him to the vet to see if he was sick. “You’re snake isn’t sick,” the vet told her. “He’s planning to eat you, so he’s stretching out to see if you can fit and not eating to make enough room for you in its body.”

What the fuck! How scary and crazy is that? She had to have it destroyed, as you would, but man.. Imagine the pet you thought loved you was quietly planning your murder! I still can’t get over it, I’ve been thinking about it constantly ever since. If she didn’t take him to the vet, she woulda been strangled and eaten.

I suppose it goes to show that even the animals we care for and create bonds with are still just animals at the end of the day. They follow their instincts. Or perhaps its because it was a reptile, not a mammal. You can’t really domesticate a snake I guess. They’re cold blooded, and predators, we have almost nothing in common for them to bond with us.

Monkeys are very close to our species, but we can’t really keep them as pets because they’re too smart for us. They can problem solve and coreograph scenarios, not to mention are scary as fuck! I’ve never understood why people would want to have them as pets, they’re so strong and have huge teeth and beady black eyes.. What about when those pet ones jumped that guy and ripped off parts of his body when he went in to feed them one day? He’d had them for ages then they suddenly just turned on him. It makes me rethink even having a cat!

Then you hear and watch stories like Christian the lion, who was raised by a couple who freed him when he was old enough, and recognised and hugged them when they found him years later in the wild. He was just as savage as the lions in the pride he was the leader of, yet he reverted back to his domesticated state when they reappeared in his life.

Heres another nicer story, with no humans involved:

Well anyway, I’ve moved into my dads place for a while so I don’t have to worry about whether Pooky is planning my demise, but still its food for thought. Anybody else got some crazy animal stories to share?