In Relation To The Zoological Gardens

WHY THE HELL WHEN COUPLES FALL IN LOVE DO THEY GO TO THE ZOO AND TAKE PICTURES OF THEMSELVES??

I don’t get it, the zoo is boring and its for kids who don’t know what giraffes look like yet. When I think of stuff to do with my boyfriend its not going to be to stand in front of a shit-filled paddock and try to make out the yaks. We’ll just go get drunk and make out in a paddock wearing yak fur hats. Well, not really but you know what I’m getting at.

Two separate couples zoo photo excursions have popped up in my newsfeed this week alone. It is only Tuesday. Allah knows how many zoo albums I would find if I scoured my friends list. A part of me wants to do it to prove a point. That freak scares me and I won’t let her stalk her way through peoples personal memory jpegs, scoffing at their couple happiness and laughing at their awkward attempts at kissing photos.

Why the zoo? What is it about imprisoned animals displayed for your amusement that gets those love beads jingling? It smells weird, the food is overpriced and you never get to see the lions because they’re always asleep and I for one don’t even believe they’re in there. C’MON I JUST WANT TO KNOW! The monkeys aren’t that amusing.

Also I know I said I was on a break, but it’s always the times I tell myself not to write that I want to the most. And the times when I desperately want to update that I’m overcome with writers block.

So anyway, what do you think? Did you take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the zoo? Did you take pictures of yourselves kissing in front of the butterfly house and upload them to facebook? What is the philosophy behind this phenomena? Where did it originate? Is it part of some secret couples only step by step guide to consolidating a relationship distributed when you file your application for a fb romance?

Step  1. Facebook official.

Step 2. Profile pic couple shot.

Step 3. Zoo excursion (and resulting photoshoot uploaded to your social network).

Step 4. Gooey love heart statuses.

Step 5. ???????

Step 6. Profit!!!

You Ain’t Never Seen A Fire Like The One Ima Cause!

“I know she was attractive, but I was here first

Been riding with you for six years

Why did I deserve to be treated this way by you?

I know you’re probably thinking

What’s up with B?

I been crying for too long, what did you do to me?

I used to be so strong..”

Wow, I’ve gotten some really lovely comments in the past few days. I’m going to reply to all of them, as is my usual protocol, but I’d like to say thanks to those individuals first up! A couple weeks ago I had a few hater replies that I moved straight to the trash and it really put me off the blog. I’m not usually that sensitive, especially with haters, but you know how these things are. If you’re not expecting it, you don’t react well.

On Christmas Eve I found out the guy I’ve been seeing for the last two months has been hitting up and seeing his ex girlfriend on the sly. I can’t even express to you the rage I’m feeling towards him at the moment. I don’t want to put up some crazy facebook status, but on the other hand I want him to know that I think he’s a dog and for everyone else to know too! I won’t because I keep my dating life away from there, but goddammit, I’m just that pissed I might do something irrational. Argh!

I’m pretty sure he knows that I know, and the chicken shit is laying low to avoid the wrath. I know that its all like, don’t worry he doesn’t deserve me if he’s a lowie like that, blah blah, but I’m seething. How many times does this situation have to occur to me? And what kills me is that there were so many signs I ignored naively, thinking he would never have some drowned rat waiting in the wings. The worst part is the feeling of inadequacy that comes along with it, something I’d already worked through before, I’d gotten past it. But now it’s here again in the back of my mind, gnawing away.

“I tried and I tried to forget this

I’m much too full of resentment

I’ll always remember feeling

Like I was no good

Like I couldn’t do it for you

Like your mistress could

And it’s all because you lied!”

There’s a part of me that wants to scream and rage and cause a massive scene, but the other part is saying ‘don’t stoop to that level, be above it, pretend you are unaffected..’ But then, it’s like he’s getting away with it. Except he won’t, because I know he’s going to come crawling back and that’s when I can be cold. This is really a kick in the teeth to my ego, you know? It’s all about the ego in the end. How dare HE do this to ME? Doesn’t he know who I AM?? I have to stop thinking in those terms, because it only breeds unhappiness. It’s as simple as: he fucked up, I go. That’s all it has to come down to.

It was only two months together, it’s not like we were meant to be. I can’t even hate him for it. I feel a bit possessive, thinking of her touching him or them laughing together, but I guess she had the prior claim being the ex, right? Fucking bitch.. Sigh, I’m sorry. But I can understand exactly why so many girls want to blast the chick even when they may not have known he was taken. It’s half jealousy, half intimidation. In the end though it was his choice, his betrayal. I know that. I’ll leave her out of this.

I should have known the moment he started getting possessive and suspicious of me. Cheaters always think their partner is as susceptible to that behaviour as they are. They accuse you first, they get jealous and delusional. Match that with the little hints his mates girlfriends were throwing at me and his sudden need to hide where he was or what he was doing and you pretty much have the conclusion staring you in the face. But I was too blind to see it.

“Tell me how should I feel

When I know what I know

And my female intuition tellin me you a dog

People told me bout the flames

I couldn’t see through the smoke

When I need answers – accusations!

What you mean you gon’ choke?

Oh you can’t stay you gotta go

Ain’t no other chick spendin your dough!

Ima put in a call, tell them ring the alarm

Coz you ain’t never seen a fire like the one ima cause!”

I’m cool, yo. Forget about it. Just another story for the archives ey? I’m going to be fine in like a week or something. For revenge I can go out on New Years and pick up whoever I want. It will be good rehab for the battered ego I’m nursing. To be honest I probably wouldn’t have even been that affected if I hadn’t found out and then immediately had to spend a major holiday with happy couples and families. That’s just asking for the sads. Karma, this shit is stacking up hard.. You owe me big time!

Ciao, my pretties. Happy New Years if I don’t post before then! 😀

Show Me What You Got Shorty

“Why even fool with these other guys, they all stingy

All these dudes know how to say is gimme

Gimme some head, gimme some brain

Gimme your number, gimme your name

But if I get one night baby girl I swear

I’ll make you tell these other dudes gimme got ya here!”

My disclaimer is as following: I am disenchanted with the male population at the moment, as a long term single woman, I feel I am allowed a certain percentage of disillusionment with the opposite sex. Lets not get overly defensive, on the most part, I love you guys. I always give you a chance, perhaps naively, when I should be more closed to this kind of thing. Be lenient on my musings!

My question of the week is this: How long before a guy expects to sleep with a girl?

This is something I think obviously depends on the guy in question. You get an idiot guy, he wants it the night he meets you. A nice guy would wait longer before getting frustrated with you. A normal guy would expect it early, push for it if he doesn’t get it, and lash if someone else is giving it away for free. Oh my god, that sounded really bitter didn’t it? I’m sorry.

To be completely honest with you, it wouldn’t at all be out of line to call me a commitment-phobe. I mean, if you read the archives, there’s a lot of dating and a lot of me running away. Its hard enough to get me to settle down, let alone commit to them. And I won’t sleep with a guy unless I’m committed to him, which I think is fair. But my roadblock is always that he won’t commit to me unless he’s slept with me. So there’s a deadlock.

“Lemme get that huh, what you got up in them jeans?

Put it on me, or get lonely

Lemme get that huh, you know five car garages

Name on your bank account, all day massages

Lemme get that huh, I wanna put it on blast

Lemme get that, slow it down before I make you crash boy

Got what you want baby, got what you need

We can’t proceed less you got that for me..”

I’m pretty much my only single friend, all my kids are hooked up with someone and it’s like, once you’re out of the game too long, you have no idea. What is the waiting period? A week, a month, three months? Six? Sadly, my side of town is rather.. promiscuous. The people here don’t think twice about a one night stand, so the ones I could ask are going to have a very skewed opinion.

Lets not forget the times are changing. What was going down four years ago is not going down today. Sexual activity is on the increase, drastically. On any weekend you could decide to pick up someone simply for sex and that would not be unusual. Back in the day, it was less common. To me, its fucking wack. Along with this relaxation of attitudes I’m finding there is this notion of entitlement. A kiss is no longer just a kiss. It has to lead to something. Nothing annoys me more than when I’m with someone and we’re making out, and he tries something but I decline, and then he gets shitty because he thought it was going somewhere!

It happens so often that I’ve come to the conclusion that either I pick the worst guys to date or its just normal for there to be action within the first couple of weeks. Apparently, I’m the unusual one! Maybe I’m being unrealistic, expecting someone to wait when they could just go out tomorrow and get it without having to endure the whole dating thing. Has the sequence become sex, dating, baby, engagement? Am I completely out of the loop?

I know, I know, if he’s a good guy he won’t push me and he’ll be a complete gentleman and all of that. But its hard to believe in these magical elusive guys when I never run into any. And I have a large pool to select from, with uni, work, friends of friends, and guys I meet out and about. I’m starting to think someone’s been telling me fairy tales.

So has anyone noticed this change in the game plan? What are your experiences? How long do you wait?

“Truth or dare mami, listen and learn

I got a drop, I just took off the top

It’s your turn!

Show me what you got lil mama

Show me what you got pretty lady

Show me what you got shorty

Show me what you got baby

Hands up, now wave, wave, wave..”

You’re Holding Up Traffic, Green Means Go!

“I wish I had a dime for every

Time they warned me about you

I wish I could erase the very

Thought of what you put me through

And you try and make it all seem

Like I should lay down while you’re walkin on me..”

I just remembered this and had to share it. I once dated a guy for a few weeks, he used to come chill at my place all the time, and he was one of those funny ‘charming’ guys who flirt with your mother and talk to your family like he’s known them for years. I used to find it amusing, especially when he finally met my dad, who saw right through the act and gave him the hard ass routine which was uncomfortable at the time but now makes me snicker. Anyway this guy was like ‘I want to be in with your mum’, within a few days of meeting her and all I could think was ‘Umm, but you’re not ‘in’ with me yet?’

So my mums friend is over and it turns out both he and my mums friends daughter are applying for a job with the same company, except he’s been through the whole process and she’s just beginning it. So for like three hours I sit there, bored out of my mind, while he walks the mum through the applications and what to do in the interviews, and they make plans to meet up again for him to help, whatever. I ONLY just remembered this, I block shit out you see, but sometimes it comes floating back.

He went over to her house and SLEPT WITH her daughter, and I never found out until later, but it was shortly after this application help thing. We kinda faded out at that stage anyway, but I didn’t know why at the time. I wasn’t that offended, I didn’t like him enough yet, but still.. What a fuckhead. And the daughter, I used to be friends with her when we were young, we still say hello on the street. It never even crossed my mind that she slept with a guy I was dating! I still see her till now and of course this is why she acts weird. I didn’t put two and two together.

“Ain’t no problem you can go

I will find somebody else

So why not move along?

You got the green light so you can go!

I gave all I could give

My love, my heart

Now we’re facing the end for what you did

From the start, my love..”

Another boyfriend went ‘missing’ for a month and then calls me back after like nothing had happened. I was like ‘Are you serious? I’m seeing someone else now.’ But I should have seen it coming, he was always very selfish. Once I went to his house, and this may sound stupid, but to me it defines his character. Anyway so he makes me a cup of tea and himself a coffee, and he’s in the kitchen so he comes back out to the lounge carrying a cup and I automatically reach for it. But he’s like ‘No, thats mine,’ takes a sip and puts it down in front of where he was sitting.

WHO DOES THAT? Brings out his own first! Common courtesy and proper manners is that you bring your guests cup to them, then you go get your own. Not only that, but it makes more sense, because your guest can sip from theirs while they are sitting waiting for you to get the other cup. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I make a lot of tea and coffee, and I love having guests over, and there will never be a day that I hand myself anything before I have made sure my guest has had theirs first. Especially on a date! Man, for the rest of the relationship I couldn’t stop thinking about it, that one silly gesture. I didn’t let it sour anything, coz I knew he really liked me, but it just irked me that it happened.

Another boyfriend, before we first got together, told me he liked me and then told me he was confused because he thought he sort of liked his ex as well. I was fuming, partially because he divulged this right after he’d confirmed that I liked him too, and partially because I hate when girls compete for men and he was trying to make me do it! I can’t stand it, every time I find out there is another chick in the picture, I bail. So I told him that I was taking it back, I didn’t like him, he could go be with that girl and we would be friends, nothing more.

“So what I’m trying to say

I know whats happening

Your body’s here with me

But your heart and your mind is still with her

Go back to what you know

Go back to where you know your heart is boy

Just be honest, this is impossible

This is impossible! We’ll never work coz you don’t want it

You belong with her so go back to what you know..”

Well, I never saw someone change his mind so fast. He called me back and apologised, but by then I was too cut. I wasn’t going to get with a guy who five minutes ago wasn’t even sure if he liked me more than his ex! (Please excuse the politics, I was a teenager so you could imagine the dramas involved) We sorted it out eventually, he called her and told her whatever and it was going good for a while. Then I lost my phone for about 5 days. He doesn’t call the house phone and he went to a dif school so I couldn’t contact him. I get my phone back or buy a new one or something, and call him and he tells me he’s back with his ex-gf! Blah. I think that was my first heartbreak.. I was about 16.

I have a million stories like this, I think I may be extra awesome at finding assholes to date.. What a talent. At least I can laugh at them now. Anyone else have any bad dating stories they’d like to share?

Everlasting

“The place we used to be is still a part of me

And I’m so fortunate lady that you still need a piece of me

And I know that you’re waiting, see I’m only down town

You know I roll alone girl, I’m never with a crowd..

Take me back to the day when you made me fall

I want to go, I want to go

Make me feel like you did the very first time we ever touched

I want to go, lets just go..”

I went to stay at my great-grandmothers place these holidays, and while she passed away when I was five and the house has been renovated since, it still has her feel and her essence. You can’t escape it. Maybe it comes from knowing her, knowing what kind of woman she was and how caring and selfless she was. But how can you really know what kind of person someone is when you’re five? I knew she was loving and kind, and thats all I needed.

One of the first things we did was walk around and check everything out, see what we remembered and what was new. Touch and prod and feel and try on. Her mink coat was gone, a tribute to her classic style. She was pearls and 1940’s curls, designer chic for dinner and nautical colors as she relaxed around the house. We stared at a glamour pic of her from her youth, she must have been early twenties. “You look like her, ” my sister said. And I was surprised to find I agreed with her. We have dark hair and the same nose. I felt like family for once.

One thing really struck a chord with me as I sat down in her old torn recliner and looked at the room from a perspective she must have, day in and out, for decades. I could see the tv in front of me, to the left was the window with a view to the garden of the front yard, and to the right was a portrait of her husband who died a long time before she did. She must have looked into his eyes everyday and missed him.

“Sure as all that breathe will die

And showers fall from April skies

A heart thats pure won’t be denied

The kind of loving that will rock you

The kind of loving that will keep you

Hold you for a lifetime

Even in the hard times, even when its going down..

You’re gonna find someone’s riding with you

You don’t have to be alone, you just have to hold on

You’re gonna find true love..”

What happened to the love from back then? The one that lasted forever, long after your husband has gone. The one that left you believing you’d be with him one day soon, that he was waiting for you.. These days it seems like marriage lasts 7 years, and love lasts even less. How is it that our grandparents marriages last forever, but everyone else is divorcing? Theres some element they have, that we don’t. What is it?

Maybe its because we don’t truly appreciate the other when they are with us, what they do for us, or that it takes effort every single day to make things work. Maybe its because we’re so trained by consumerism to never be satisfied, to always want more or be looking for something better, an upgrade.. Why do people leave each other, when others can make it work forever? We raise our kids in the era of divorce, it feels like every kid has gone or will go through it. And with that kind of backdrop, how can we expect them to believe in a love that lasts more than a few years? Its no wonder everyone is always breaking up.

But when I sat in her chair it wasn’t hard for me to imagine getting a portrait of my own husband, and of days spent there warmed by the suns rays and our own affections. I hadn’t even considered marriage before that, aside from maybe eloping in Las Vegas or something equally as vague. I’d definitely never thought about the part after. But now its a big question in the back of my mind.. What has happened to everlasting love?

“When I think about it

I know that I was never there

Or even cared

The more I think about it

The less that I was able to share

With you

I try to reach you I

Can almost feel you, you’re nearly here

And then you disappear..”

In 2009 I Will Stop Dating Psychos

Now that I’ve sufficiently tantrumed it up about Palestine, I can relate to you the enchanting experiences that have been my on and off holidays. Our busy season at work is right now, even for the mindless shit I have to do, so unfortunately I couldn’t get all the days off but I did manage to party hard and will continue to do so on weekends as is the usual Luli fashion.

Let me begin by telling the tale of my date on Xmas eve-eve. I went out for drinks after work one night with my sister in law, who I would describe as the hot librarian type. As with all hot librarians, after a few drinks she cuts loose and gets wild, so its always an exciting night when she gets involved although you would never pick her as the crazy type. We were in for a big one, trawling from pub to bar in the city, ending up at Transport in Fed Square. Luck of the gods, it was Tradies night! I have never seen so many hot, built men in one area before, and without the usual packs of females stalking them like lionesses hunting for prey in African savannas. Probably a ratio of one girl to twenty guys, so I was loving my odds.

The guy I met seemed awesome, a bit older than me at 28, soon to be turning 29. He only really stood out because he gave good convo, I was all set to lash on him and his friends when he said something too smartassed, but my girls were like ‘Nah stay!’ and he apologised so I let him off the hook. Anyway, whatever, he got my number and we decided to go out for a movie a few days later.

On the date we went to see that Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, of which the title is probably the best feature. I was so bored, sorry to the Bond fans, but I’m gonna put it out there and say it has absolutely no appeal to anyone with a need for a decent plot in a movie. The action was constant and so fast that I couldn’t keep up with it, plus the Bond guy isn’t even hot.

So bad movie choice by him. Not only that, but he kept talking bout his exes for like a hundred years, telling me they had psych issues (one had anorexia, the other had cancer and depression) and asking me multiple times if I had any. It was like he wanted me to. The way his convo was going was revolving around him being this major hero to every female character in his life, and to be honest it was all weirding me out a bit. I felt like he thought I was a weak psych issue girl who he wanted to depend on him, so he could be in control. I was getting predator vibes, especially when he kept trying to hug me and kiss me in the cinema. I would just wriggle out of his grasp and was careful not to look at him incase he surprise kissed me. Is cinema PDA inappropriate to anybody else? 15mins into the movie I knew I wanted to ditch him, but I didn’t want to be harsh. I would at least stick around for after movie coffees.

After movie coffees were worse. He asked to see my id (WTF WHO DOES THAT) and I was like “Don’t you trust me?” and he’s like “Nah, I do,” but still persisted in seeing it. Later I realised how dumb that was, coz now he knows my address. When he gave it back I go “Did you memorise the numbers?” talking about the birth date, and he got all flustered and was like “What?” And when he realised I meant my DOB he was visibly relieved and I thought nothing of it till later, but yeah. So I’m a fuckhead. Plus he knows where I work too. And during the convo he kept lying and switching his stories around to suit what he thought I’d want to hear, which I picked up on a little the first night, but became way more obvious during coffee. He cracked the shits when I took the bill, and when I asked why he goes “Because you’re the girl.” Sigh.

A few days later I told him I didn’t wanna continue it, citing age as the major factor. In all honesty, the age didn’t bother me, but it bothered him so I figured if I said it he would understand and it wouldn’t be too painful. The thing is I’m feeling a little stalked by him. He called me like two days later at 4.30am but I missed the call because I was obviously asleep on a Tuesday night at that time, and he’s mes’d me but I didn’t reply. Now today he’s trying to add me on facebook and I ignored him, but with much anguish. I just want him to fuck off. I have a new sim ready to change my number if he persists.

New Years Eve was pretty good, just got very drunk, and seeing as I was still recovering from my bad date I was wary of talking to boys and decided to never pick up at a pub/club/bar ever again for my resolution. It can only end in psychos and awkwardness. So far, so good, but resolutions are made to be broken and I’m going out this weekend for the hot librarians birthday so I’m guessing its gonna be tested. I talk like I’ve been on it for ages, and its only like 8 days into the year! Damn my flirty drunken ways.

How were your NYE’s? What did you get up to? Resolutions?

Whatever Is Whatever..

“Boy, I been watching you like a hawk in the sky

That flies, cause you were my prey

Boy, I promise you if we keep bumpin heads

I know that one of these days

We gon hook it up, probably talk on the phone

But see, I dont know if thats good

I been holding back this secret from you

I probably shouldnt tell it but..”

You know its going to be a great night when you walk into a party and see that you’re pretty much the only girl in the house. Its times like these that having mostly guy mates has its upsides. No chicks to compete with, and you’ve got just about all eyes on you. Man, I love it! Of course, variety is the spice of life, and with so many to choose from a girl might get carried away and end up with none. But who would be that unlucky? Who indeed.

If I think about yesterday and ignore a certain game won by ‘ahem’, then it actually wasn’t so bad. I got my flirt on, and I got the interesting conversation I wanted and I didn’t kiss anyone and so don’t need to worry about any uncomfortable situations at future events for this friend circle. I got drunk enough to forget a certain team and I didn’t have to deal with the bitchy bitches of bitchville (also known as my mates girlfriends). So what’s my prob yo?

I’ll tell you what it is. It happened again. No, I don’t mean the stockings (it was too hot so I was in a summer dress), although I did fall over. Its cool, I’m filing it under a ‘damsel in distress’ move and not a ‘hi, I’m embarrassingly drunk’ thing. What happened again was my beloved friends decided who I was allowed to date. Or actually, who I was not allowed to go near without them getting pissy about it.

The annoying thing is that they were actually trying to set me up with the guy at the start, and I was like ‘finally some support and solidarity!’ But conveniently right after the guy asked for my number, they told me to stay away from him, that he was bad news, they’ve just realised. So, I listened to them. They made the choice for me and I went along with it. Goddamnit, he was cute and fun. Why do all the bad ones come to me?

“You used to love them

Leave them, kiss them

Break their hearts

But now I got you in my arms

You used to get them

Trick them, diss them

Do them wrong

But now your player days are gone..”

I feel really awful because I’m just lashing this guy based on his reputation. I would hate it if someone did that to me, in fact I would be crushed. But I suppose if you are a mega slut who mistreats women you reap what you sow? Its got to be a bad sign when your closest mates are coming up to me on the low and saying, hey you’re a nice girl, so don’t get involved with him, he’s a fuckhead.

I also had some run ins with a couple of guys I used to date. One who I really liked, who turned into a massive asshole was there, sucking up to me, calling me ‘Li Li’ (wtf, that is so gay). And another I haven’t mentioned who was too shy to get the ball rolling, who I found out had sex with a girl (who used to be a friend of mine) in a spa (that he was sitting in with 3 of his mates who got to watch) last weekend. So much for shy! Man, I can really pick em. Seriously, you should all come to me for dating advice, I’m great.

But, I’m actually pretty glad with the way things turned out. To tell the truth, I’m sick of kissing random boys and then running off into the night. I miss the kisses with feeling behind them, from someone who really likes you. I want that heart thumping, I’m so nervous feeling, that you can only get from someone special. So I think I’m just gonna hold out for that for a while, unless of course, I run out of blogging topics. Or I get really drunk and change my mind. Either way, it will be a shitty excuse. Heh. Ok, I’m out!

“If I’m a drink, you’re my lemon squeeze

Oh you got flava boy, you go good with me

So boy don’t play or tease me

Oh, keep me together, you got what I need

Now its getting late, its after three

So quit your stallin, my body’s callin..

Now its me and you, you and me

And its whatever, whatever you want it to be

I’m telling you, if its up to me

Whatever is whatever

Its whatever with you and me..”

Rejection Guilt

“Oh been trying to let it go

Trying to keep my eyes closed

Trying to keep it just like before

Times when I never even thought to speak

Don’t wanna tell you what it is

Oh the way I felt so serious

Got me thinking just too much

I wanna shut it off but..”

I once dated my older brothers friend. Now, I’m not exactly sure where that sits on the right or wrong scale according to national consensus, but at the time (last year) it was slightly off to the wrong end of the continuum. We met at a party in a pub, which is what my brothers crowd does for every birthday, and the first time he approached me I found him to be boring, up himself and superficial. I should have gone with my gut and left it at that.

For something thats apparently ‘so wrong’ everybody that night was all encouraging and pushing for us to talk. After I snobbed him they were coming up to me asking me why and telling me to give him another chance. So I did, and he did better the second time around, got my number, kissed me in front of my brother (damn you alcohol!) and took me on another four dates before I called it off.

The problem was he was too suave, and all about being hip and intellectual, and it was like he was just trying too hard to be cool and at the same time was being condescending towards me for being only 21 (he was 28). I usually like older guys because they’re more mature and they can teach me things and they’re smart, but this guy sneered at me because my favourite movies were Shaun of the Dead and Waynes World. He was all rapt to date a 21 year old, but wanted me to act 28, and I just wanted to be me. But in the beginning he was more himself and we chatted easily about books and shared interests, and it was like he’d fallen from that back into some facade of what he wanted me to think of him.

“Its this one thing that got me trippin

Its this one thing that got me trippin, you did..

This one thing, my soul maybe feelin

Its this one thing you did, uh oh, uh oh..

Its this one thing that caught me slippin

Its this one thing don’t want to admit it, you did..

This one thing and I was so with it

Its this one thing you did, uh oh, uh oh..”

And its a pity too, because in the start I found him to be really sweet and earnest, and I was impressed by the lengths he went to for our dates. Ferris wheels, candle lit dinners in Italian restaurants, blah blah blah. It’s wasted on me, but I still appreciate the effort. This guy was actually pretty perfect. He was hot, built, tall, reliable, had his own apartment in some trendy area, he was very (overly, intimidatingly) fashion conscious, had a good job, liked reading and discussions, wanted to settle down, really liked me.. I couldn’t have asked for someone better. But I threw him away.

My brother got very weird about the whole thing though, he’d barely speak to me, he was very standoffish and it was really ripping me apart. He’s never been anything but completely loving and doting towards me so it was very upsetting that he began acting that way. I couldn’t continue seeing him if it was going to cause a rift between me and my bro, I didn’t even care about his friendship with him because its pretty obvious when you’re dating younger sisters that your friendship is on the back burner. Maybe that should have been a hint? Oh well.

So anyways, he was at the party (in a pub) that I was at last night, and it was the first time I’d seen him in ages. Usually when I bar someone, I can feel their hate burning as they stare at the back of my head, but this time something worse happened. He avoided me, of course, I did the same, but when he looked at me he did it with sadness. Man, I wasn’t prepared for that. I felt like such a dog. I know what it feels like to think that you might be having something special with someone only to see it turn to shit without having any idea why. Its horrible.

“Hey, we don’t know each other well

So why do I keep picking up my cell

Memories just keep ringing bells

Hear voices I don’t wanna understand

My car keys are jingling in my hand

My high heels are clicking towards your door..”

And even though I know its my fault he feels that way because I gave him some lame ass line about not being ready for a relationship, I really want to some how ease his pain but at the same time I know I couldn’t help in any way, unless I somehow fixed his damaged pride by asking him out or telling him I thought I’d made a mistake. But I don’t think I’ve made a mistake and thats whats the worst part, I’ve rejected someone completely from having known them only partially, and I don’t even like him enough to give him another chance. Thats what makes it so awful, because he knows it. I took a look at him and said, ‘sorry, no thanks’ and theres nothing he can do about it, and he has no idea why.

And so I spent the whole night keeping out of his way and trying to melt into the crowd. Eventually we ran into each other head on, and we kissed cheeks and exchanged pleasantries. It couldn’t have gone better, for an awkward old date run in. It troubles me though. Someone opened up to me and tried their hardest to swoon me, and I did what I hate boys doing, and left him without any idea of what was wrong. He wouldn’t have thought that it was something little, he would assume it was about his character, because you always assume the worst. I know I do.

I just had to be a cold bitch. Arghhh.

“And maybe I just can’t believe it

Its this one thing you did, uh oh,

I can’t deny, tired of trying

Nothing left to do but to give up seeing you

I’m hoping you can keep a secret, for me

Its what you did..”

I Can’t Get Jiggy With This Shit!

“Did you sleep on the wrong side? I’m catchin a bad vibe

And its contagious, whats the latest?

Speak your heart, don’t bite your tongue..

Don’t get it twisted, don’t misuse it

Whats your problem? Lets resolve it

We can solve it, whats the causes?

Its official, you got issues, I got issues

But I know I miss you..”

I’m trying to forget this weekend. It fucked up any sense of peace I had before. Friday was okay, I went to the footy, had a few quiet beers with the crew afterwards at the pub, went to bed earlyish. But Saturday killed me. You know when you have one of those nights when you’re such a dickhead that you wish you were never born? Is it just me?

It started off when I ran into hook up boi at the petrol station. I recognised his car immediately and thought ‘FUCK!’, but I was too far in to just leave, it woulda been too wack, so I drove to the furthest pump from his and ignored him. We’ve spoken a few times through text but haven’t seen each other since I last spoke of him, and I’ve been ignoring his mes’s for a few weeks now.

So anyways we both have to be driving the same way, don’t we? He’s in front of me and slows down to try and force me to overtake. So I speed up and plan on zooming past, but he starts to speed up too. I just pushed the pedal down even further and got as far away as I could, breaking all the speed limits, I didn’t care I just wanted to get away. He decides to chase me. By now I’m cursing him every name under the sun and after an awkward stop light he eventually changes direction. Who the fuck does he think he is? Was he trying to intimidate me? Has he lost his fucking mind? I really must have pissed him off hard. I’ve never seen him so out of control like that, usually you can barely get a reaction from him.

“No justifications for your actions

Shoulda been somewhere relaxing

Dont compare me to your last one

I don’t care if she was a fast one, a sassy one

I’m a classy one..

I can’t keep it from getting at you, hun

Seems like that should make you happy, hun..”

We went to a birthday at a pub that night, open bar. There were hardly any people we knew so I compensated by getting blind. I didn’t try to pick up or anything but I was being flirty and I cringe when I remember the conversations I had, what a fucking idiot. The shame. How can people put up with me? I just say whatever I think of, theres nothing to stop the flow of stupidity, it kills me. I was violently ill of the mouth by the time I got home, literally as I opened the car door. Thank god I didn’t try and push everyone to go clubbing, who knows what I would have done! Man I’ve had the guilts so bad since then. I can’t seem to shake em.

To make it worse, my dad decided that now was the time to openly discuss his new relationships with women. Like fuck, I know he has to move on and that at some point I have to accept them, but he’s basically telling us he’s doing booty calls at any hour of the day and oh my god, I cannot deal with that information. They only separated about a year ago. I don’t want to know these things.

And it shits me as well, he complains they want more from him, more like a relationship and he’s saying he doesn’t want anything serious.. He’s doing things I hate men doing! How can he treat women like this? I am so stunned by his new conversations that I don’t even know what to say so I just look at the floor and try to pretend I didn’t just hear what I thought I heard. I can handle him dating, kind of. I can get used to it. But what I can’t handle is endless random women coming over at stupid hours and following him to his room.

Are we so fucking expendable? Is that what life has come to? Is that what we are worth now, a good time now get the fuck out? I feel partially responsible, he asked me for advice and I told him he should just date around and see who was interesting, he didn’t need anything too full on. But I meant in the go for coffee and get to know them way.. Obviously thats not how he took it! I’m so angry right now, but I don’t want to hurt him by showing him my anger because I know it would gut him. He honestly doesn’t think what he’s doing is bad and he would be shattered that he’s upset me.

My sister spoke to him about it today and its kind of sorted, a little bit. She told him we don’t want to see making out on the couch (she walked in on that) and intimacy while she is under the same roof really freaks her out. So I think he’s going to stop. I know he means well, he thinks he’s being good to them I suppose (?) but I’m so shaken up. The thing is, I know my dad, I expected this behaviour, I just can’t handle it now that its in my face. Fuck, I seriously need to chill out, I’m gonna bust a vein or something!

“Am I supposed to change?

Are you supposed to change?

Who should be heard?

Who should be blamed?

Who should be hurt?

Who should be shamed?

Who should be hurt and will we remain?

We need a resolution, we have so much confusion..”

How To Make Someone Miss You

“I miss you so much

I long for your love

It scares me

Coz my heart gets so weak

That I can’t even breathe

How can you take things so easily?

Baby, why aren’t you missing me?”

For as long as I’ve had this blog people have been attracted to its pages in search of the secrets on ‘how to make someone miss you’. I thought that perhaps they’d die off, but I’m still getting heaps of hits from the phrase. Unfortunately the closest I came to it were some lyrics from the Aaliyah song ‘Miss You’ and the rest of the words found somewhere scattered along that post.

Well no more. I’m going to do my best to help these poor souls who cannot for the life of them get someone to miss them. My heart goes out to you, I’ve felt it. Lets just think about it logically. It’s not even a hard task. First think of the people you yourself have missed and why you missed them.

For one reason or the other, their company was enjoyable. The people I miss dearly usually have some character traits in common. So all we need to do is copy them.

Interesting Conversation

You don’t want them to ever get bored while talking to you. If you don’t naturally have the talent of spinning conversation, then do some reading on a few interesting topics (or subjects your missed one is into) and casually weave them into conversation. Bring something new to the table, teach them something and argue from a unique point of view.

Activities

You always remember that night you went on the ferris wheel, compared to the million nights you spent in the same hang out, doing the same things. Do different and interesting things together. Go for drunken walks along Southbank or have a meal at a restaurant with unusual food. Go ice skating or to the comedy club (which can be pretty gay but at least you can tear it to shreds in review together later). Be spontaneous.

Funny

This is a bit harder because, lets be honest, who can force being funny? Sometimes coming off forced or not being sure of a joke can ruin a whole convo. But a friend will generally find anything you say a lot funnier just because it was you that said it. Same goes for a missed one. Give it a crack, just be a bit playful and clever. It will lighten the mood and that brings me to my next point.

Keep It Light

If they initiate a deep and meaningful then fair enough, but if not then going into intense things are just going to make someone feel like they’re being drained. Deep conversations take a lot of energy and thought, just don’t go there. Be happy, laugh things off and don’t take anything too seriously.

Appearance

You want them to have a gorgeous visual when thinking of you. Mostly their memory of you will be the last time they saw you, or how you look in general when they see you. That means it’s very important that you look your best each time. Try to wear something different when they see you, with one article being impressive (eg. Big, jewelled earrings, a flattering dress or colourful stilettos [If you are a man please ignore the brackets]).

Incorporate The Other Senses

We don’t just remember conversations and what we see. Smell is supposed to be the best trigger of memories, so wear a perfume, cologne or use scented body oil so that they can associate a certain smell with you. They might not remember the exact smell, but anything it kinda smelled like will remind them of you.

Also, touch them. Don’t be too over the top about it, but touch their arm and nudge them while you are walking together. Or hug them spontaneously, in a laughing, joking kind of way. Generally we are not an overly affectionate society so touch shocks people and they remember it.

Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

Short fun periods of time are way better than sticking around and shit getting boring and awkward. I couldn’t think of anything worse. When I visit people, they’re lucky if I stay two hours, unless we’re drinking together or doing something good. I stay until the convo starts to get stale or the fun is over, unless you’re willing to make me a cup of tea.

When You’re Not With Them

Don’t be easy to get a hold of. Wait a couple of hours before you reply. Don’t pick up the phone, call them back 20 mins later. Or if you can’t handle that just wait a few rings. Get off the phone quickly unless the convo is pretty good. Also, find creative ways to inject yourself into their minds. If you know their footy team, mes them during the game saying ‘ohhh what a goal..’ or something. But messages from you must be rare! Rare I say! So rare that when they receive the mes they say to themselves, ‘oh what a nice surprise’. If you’re a guy and you can slip something of yours into the chick’s handbag for her to find later, that’s a good reminder. Just a pen or something you won’t need, or that she won’t have to return. Which is another thing..

Presents

These are awesome, things they will immediately connect to you when they look at them. They can be gay little things like those toy rings you get out of the gumball machines, or a cd you’ve burnt for them, a flower you’ve picked for them or a handwritten note. Avoid big gifts, they will send a weird message, unless it’s their birthday.

Seriously, these are going to work. Its foolproof I tells ya! Anyway, I hope I’ve finally helped you all, was starting to get pretty worried about you kids and your missable-ness woes.

“Girl I’ll never find another,

Another one to take your place

Cause you were so, so good to me baby

And you kept the smile upon my face

And I’m on my bended knee and I’m crying,

Crying won’t you come back to me

Cause you mean the world to me

So tell me why.. why..

Why’d you have to go away

Got me missing you everyday

Everyday I’m missing you..”